Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Hunwick Traded

Yesterday afternoon, the B's traded Matt Hunwick to the Colorado Nordilanche for prospect defenseman Colby Cohen. Hunwick got traded after losing a fight, no, sorry, for being the only Bruin who gave a shit vs. the Thrash the other night.
This clears some $1.45M of cap space for Savvy to make his return within the week.
Chiarelli noted that we have some young sluts in the d-man pipeline that made it easier to trade Hunwick. Matt Bartkowski, Steve Kampfert, Jeff Penner, etc.
Colby Cohen was the 2nd round pick of the Nordilanche in 2007. (His wikipedia entry is bigger than Claude Julien's. Clearly, Cohen's mom has been busy beefing up his wikipedia resume, even spelling things Canadian-style (plays "defence") to throw us off her trail) He is 6'-3", 215lbs from Villanova, PA. He played at sucks to BU with fellow d-man Kevin Shattenkirk, who is now tearing it up in Colorado.

Now it is time to unload Wheeler.

Friday, November 26, 2010


I was recently fined by the Massachusetts Division of Fisheries & Wildlife for illegally baiting my Whaler fan trap.

My Whaler Fan Trap

My Whaler fan traps, located around the perimeter of my residence, were baited with objects that all Whaler fans are known to covet.

The Whaler Fan loves his Crisco

The Whaler fan loves Ron Francis unconditionally

I guess the rules & regulations put forth by the Commonwealth prevents the Whaler poacher (me) from baiting the traps with these items as it "is too easy". Usually the Whaler fan goes for the Crisco, gets caught in the trap, and then I beat them into submission with their own 20oz bottle of Mountain Dew. So I got hit with a little fine for having these items placed in the traps. Oh well.

  • Holy shit. This game sucked. Whole team had turkey hangover. Nathan Horton is returning to his Panthers disappearing self. Wheeler still sucks. Nobody could do anything right today. The line shuffling will probably come to an end, there was just no chemistry out there.
  • The Daniel Paella era should be coming to an end soon. An effective penalty killer, sure, but he made some mistakes today, I dunno. Maybe he's just rusty.
  • Saw some Whaler fans out there today. I guess they found a bottle of SPF65, slathered it on to shield them from the cloudy, gloomy day, made the drive on I-84, and waddled to the arena. They were the ones who were clapping like trained seals when "Brass Bonanza" was played by the organist. I was so consumed by the presence of such 2nd-class citizenry, I could barely pay attention to the crappy team out there on the ice.
  • The Mayor returned today for a game. Screamed his head off. Just like old times.
  • Yeah, the game was that bad.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

B's win, 3-1

Another game with some listless play to start, the B's fight off thoughts of turkey day, and slap away the Panthers, 3-1. We'll just ignore the 1st 2 periods, since the B's decided to as well. The third period started off shorthanded where the puck was cleared into the zone and Marchand hustled after the puck and shot it in on a weird bounce off the boards. "the puck bounces for those who hustle", Derek Sanderson used to say a lot during the games a few years ago. So Marchand is rewarded with a shortie and the game is tied at 1. Then old-balls Recchi scores 2 goals (both from Krejci) to hit 1500 points in his career. Next is Paul Coffey with 1531.

Recchi, in his less follicle-ly-challenged days, was a member of the Habs.
  • Wheeler's improved play just ups his stock for when we eventually package him up and send him fed-ex 3-day to Edmonton for a draft pick or two. Even I noticed last night that he was being less of a turd than usual. But he's still gotta go.
  • Mike Weaver of the Panthers got swatted aside like a mosquito by Lootch last night. Weaver got up immediately, "who just hit me", pushed Lootch in the back and then realized who he was messin' with and skated away. Lootch just laffed it off. Also, Mark Stuart did his usual toss-someone-to-the-ice move last night. I forget who he sent to the ground, but he just slapped him onto the ice like this morning's catch.
  • Black Friday vs. the Whale on Friday. I saw a Whaler fan the other day at the FleetCenter, holy shit. Ron Francis jersey and everything. Kid might have had mange, not sure. Friday also represents the Mayor's triumphant, temporary return to Boston after enduring months of confederate flag hockey.
Kill it with fire
  • Game vs. LA featured some hipsters in Row 10. Apparently, showing ass crack from your drainpipe jeans is the new black. And now not washing your hair for 80 days consecutive, too, as one could have solved the oil problem by tapping the slick in this kid's hair. That complaining aside, the game was pretty entertaining & intense as the B's fought back only to lose it (as documented here a few days ago) in a shootout.
  • Speaking of shootouts, the following forwards have nothing in shootouts: Ryder (only has a forehand and everyone knows this), Wheeler (choker), Savard (only has a backhand and everyone knows this), Lootch (hands of concrete but they're softening), Horton (only has a forehand), Thornton (couldn't hit the net), Campbell (cos he sucks), Paille (can never finish, probably a bigger choker than Wheeler). The d-men are off the table, and if Cload ever sent anyone from that group other than Chara then he's getting fired. Everyone one else should go, and Cload's go-to shooters should always be: Krejci, Bergeron, Seguin. They are the hands guys - the crafty bitches on the team.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Shootouts Suck

The NHL better get rid of shootouts in the next CBA or shortly thereafter.  They make a mockery of the sport and I've cried many times in this space about the ridiculousness of how they count in the standings.  A tie is a friggin tie.  Let it be.  We witnessed one of the best games the Bruins have played in front of Thomas all season on Saturday night, but they lost in a shootout (unfortunately Thomas wasn't as sharp as he usually is).  I would have been thrilled to go home with a tie after trailing 3-0 and showing a ton of heart to claw back into it and get the point.  Then the shootout goes and ruins it and leaves a bad taste in everyone's mouth.

The Morale Officer was his usual morale-boosting self and was saying "it's ova" after their second goal and again after their third, but the Bruins put on a good show for us in coming back.

This "loss" capped off an impressive 3-0-1 week for the B's though in which they overcame the loss of Krejci to get some valuable wins.  Going into Monday's game against the Devils I was very worried after the two turds they dropped against Montreal and Ottawa.

  • Thornton watch - 4 down, 46 to go ($45,274 per goal); Kovalchuk - 4 goals ($347,561 per goal)
  • Lottery watch - Toronto still in 27th place overall
  • Blake Wheeler had a good game on Saturday!  Scored the first one (Quick's fault) and setup Bergy's tying goal.  Hopefully he helped his trade value.
  • 4th line continues to impress - what a great shift that led to the 2nd goal on the delayed penalty
  • My hometown UMD Bulldogs are #1 in the nation with an 11-1-2 mark and scored two wins over the hated Badgers in Madison on the weekend in overtime (notice that they get the full two points in the standings and the Badgers get nothing - novel concept - and they play 5 on 5 the way the game should be played in OT - and a tie is a friggin tie).
  • The Devils are a disaster. 
  • Tuukka was great on Thursday - nice to see him finally get that elusive first win of the season
  • Lootch - thoroughly entertaining night at the Gahden on Thursday with Lootch's trick and he sniped one off the post on Saturday that was an inch from being his 11th of the campaign
  • Another 4-game week coming up with the trip to Florida to take on the Lightning and the Panthers followed by one of my favorite dates every season: the Black Friday game against the 'Canes in which The Mayor will make his trumphant return to Section 311

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Wheeler should be euthanized

After a really impressive, almost improbable win versus Pittsburgh on Wednesday, the B's have lost their way again with 2 lackluster showings at home, losing 3-1 to the Habs and 2-0 to Ottawa.
  • The Pittsburgh game, I truly thought it was ova, but I hung on out of sheer boredom I guess - and then BAM there's yer 5 goals. Beating Cindy Crosby & the Pens in their new barn, kind of fun. Gresh & Zo on the 98.5 were talking on the radio earlier that day about a rekindling of violence towards Matt Cooke. No such thing, Cooke was let off easy that night. Gresh - he's pretty bad.
  • The Montreal game, wow, just a total turd there honestly by both teams. Thankfully, not many Habs fans in the arena that night. EXCEPT for the one sitting next to me. It was a dating-within-the-division deal, but 311 couldn't say anything cuz the dude was about 6'-6".
  • The Senators game, what is going on? "and so is life without Krejci" noted 311, as the B's couldn't get anything going last night. If it wasn't for Thomas, the game would have been 5-0. You knew it was going to go poorly when Chara squared off to fight against Chris Neil and before anything could really happen, Chara lost his balance and fell down. And Blake Wheeler, we're going to take up a collection and have you spayed so you don't breed. It's not like you got any stones anyway. Sheesh. I hope Cam is taking note up there and is shopping him around. "Please, just take him" then show the Blake Wheeler highlight reel - no, not the one with offsides infractions, missed shots on breakaways, the slapfight with Ryan O'Byrne, self-passes off the boards that lead to nothing; rather, the clip of him beating 6 guys in St. Louis to score a shorthanded goal. Just replay that over & over, maybe Edmonton will take him. Yeah, I'd like me some Edmonton draft picks.
  • Speaking of draft picks, Maple Leafs update: The Laffs have lost 8 straight, they are 5-8-3 and sit at 27th in the league. 4th overall pick, I'll take it.
  • Dennis Wideman update: 2-8-10 totals in 15 games. I'd still rather have Horton. I'm warming up to "Soupy" as well, our 4th line is playing great these days, I think Thornton's having a lot of fun out there, tied with Kovalchuk in goals scored.
  • Much reduced minutes these past 2-3 games for Seguin. I didn't even notice him until the 2nd period last night. OH, and the Recchin Ball, old balls Recchi, took on Chris Campoli late in the 3rd period. Not many blows landed for either side, but Recchs got the takedown.

Monday, November 8, 2010

B's win, lose, draw (lose)

Yeah. The B's got into some really sloppy habits after busting out to an easy, early lead against the Sabres and it's been pretty much downhill since.

  • The emergence of Brad Marchand the kid's a complete punk but he's skating, shooting, causing a ruckus out there. Hell, even Shawn Thornton's got 2 goals now.
  • Andrew Ference still hasn't hurt his groin nice fight he had vs. ahhh David Backes of the Blues. Backes kinda hit Recchi weird, looked worse than it really was, Ference tapped him with his stick and it was go time. Backes is kind of a tool anyway, but since it was going to lead to a power play, Backes obliged.
  • Patrick Kaleta the player Marchand hopes to be, getting flung aside by Stuart like the maggot pest he is. awesome.
  • We was robbed no explanation really for the washout of the two goals vs. the Blues. The first one I can sort of understand, but the 2nd one was at the other end of the rink - we had no idea how it was turned away.
  • Milbury hates Ovie Milbury spent a good portion of one of the intermissions picking on Ovechkin because he's a selfish, lazy player.
  • Not sure, but pretty sure that it was old pal Brad Boyes absolutely faking Rask out of his jock during the shootout.
  • Speaking of old pals, Sobotka scoring that goal on what I believe was his 3rd or 4th shot of the season.
  • Blake Wheeler we hate you Wheels is really awful. not only was he offside twice during the Blues game, but he always always always does the self-pass off the boards and tries to skate around the defenseman whenever he rushes into the offensive zone. NEVER WORKS.

Blake, lemme see your war face
  • I'm glad my shots were up to date I may have attended a sports memorabilia show recently to have #16 sign my Winter Classic ticket. It's a subculture that truly deserves its own documentary. Sports memorabilia spazzes & carnies, I dunno, I just made sure to not make eye-contact with anyone. It smelled like an attic because of all the old stuff. I felt like I was milling in the background of Roadshow or something. It was both interesting and sad - players are just pieces of meat, signing away at stuff. Marco was genial enough, it's not like we talked about ya know BMWs or anything. Remarkably, no Whaler fan sightings. I figured they'd be at this event like moths to a flame, venturing out from their respective basements to seek out that elusive O-Pee-Chee Mike Liut card.
  • Krejci hurt again it looked to us like an elbow to the head by Oshie, and that the whole team should have pounded his skull in, but later reports from the players say most of the damage was done by Krejci's noggin hitting the dasher on the way down. Still, not good.
  • Seguin is Jesus how quick was that release on the shootout backhand? Lordy. Caron & Seguin rode the pine for most of the 3rd period there as Cload tried to keep the game close & mistake-free.
  • Awful that I had to cheer on "Soupy" as he scored the goal on a pass from Ryder.
  • Who is this guy? Ryder was a man possessed! He was hitting, passing, skating. Wheeler's days are numbered. Cap Casualty, folks.
  • I choose Freewill Toucher & Rich noted this recently and it does seem to be the case - the organist at the FleetCenter always plays Rush tunes a few minutes into the game. The other night, I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure, it was "Freewill". At least it wasn't "By-Tor and the Snow Dog".