Tuesday, September 21, 2010


Here we see the Whaler fan (Whalerus fanus) outside its natural habitat (mom's basement) and attempting to integrate into society. When hunting W. fanus - approach them with caution, make sure your immunizations are up to date (e.g., tetanus), and make sure your bear spray is ready. The blubber of the Whaler fan is prized much like its namesake. Generally, it's belly fat and occasional muscle is cured like bacon and left in a smokehouse for months. After which, the product is sliced and served for breakfast.

The AHL affiliate of the New York Rangers, the Hartford Wolfpack, is now known as the Connecticut Whale, thanks to the efforts of some guy.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Bruins "Fan Experience" Poll

So you've heard us piss and moan on this website about damn near everything - well today my inbox provided me with a gift - a survey from Bruins Fan Relations, asking me about my fan experiences. Okay, it's just a survey, but still, I have to take this opportunity to make myself heard.
  • The following got "neutral": "Wooo"; Other Anthem Singers; Kelly Malone (I actually feel bad for Kelly Malone. It's this and Subaru commercials for Kelly these days, dunno if she's still on radio. Really, who wants to pimp something as impractical as the SportsDeck?); In-game Music Volume. I know it's wicked loud in the Loge, though.
  • The following got "Somewhat Dissatisfied": In-game Music selections. I wrote a comment about retiring "Crazy Train" and anything by KISS. I also asked for more Mastodon.
  • The following got "Somewhat Satisfied": Jim Martin (PA guy); Organist; Goal horn
  • "Extremely Satisfied": Rene Rancourt, of course.
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  • "Neutral": Turnstile Giveaways (magnets. whee.); Game Night Rosters (Chara's favorite meal: Trek bicycles); Concourse
  • "Somewhat Satisfied": Ice Girls; Blades. I requested that they launder the Blades suit more often. Ever get close to Blades, just walking by or whatever? He generally smells like a basement.
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  • "Neutral": 3 minutes of fame; Intermission contests; t-shirt toss; fan of the game
  • "Somewhat Dissatisfied": Kiss Cam; Helmet Shuffle (look folks, it's always #3); In-game statistical info. They never give you enough stats - especially when it's scoreboard-watching time towards the end of the season or if you're a fantasy hockey tool like me "Oh, the Kings are up on Calgary, 6-0...I hope that's Drew Doughty with 6 goals"
  • "Somewhat Satisfied": Tune Trivia - mainly so I can flex my music knowledge muscle and impress the ladies; Bruins video intro (needs more Orr)
  • "Extremely Satisfied": Black 'n Blue Hockey. Who doesn't like Black 'n Blue Hockey?
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  • Overall experience? Somewhat satisfied. Most of this stuff is "whatever" to me. Just want to see a fast-paced, well-played hockey game with plenty of emotion, speed, hitting, goals, saves, beatdowns, intimidation, blood, goals, blood, goals ...

Friday, September 10, 2010


  • They've arrived. Lindsay sent my season tickets via Fed Ex Camel (new service they're providing) and they arrived this afternoon. Hope springs eternal, blah blah, football has started and hockey starts in a month to take us out of the doldrums of means-nothing Red Sox baseball. Yesterday, I watched a buncha hockey fights on hockeyfights.com to get my blood boiling again. The usual: Stan Jonathan, Taz, Stock, Lootch, Thornton, etc.
  • Have ya seen the video of Cindy Crosby clubbing a batting practice fastball over the right field fence in Pittsburgh? Even with a Hriniak swing, he still manages to hit one out. Bitch.

  • Looks like Quebec City is a little bit closer to getting a new arena, I guess Le Colisee is too old (though I doubt it's called Le Colisee anymore, I think it's now probably named after Pepsi. The only folks who like Pepsi more than southern white trash are French Canadians.) so they gotta build a new one...and presumably a hockey team will follow? I spoze this is good, anything to bring hockey north of the 36th parallel, but if hockey returns to Quebec City, at the same time I'd like to see the Jets leave Phoenix and return to Winnipeg. Down with this Confederate Flag Hockey business.
  • Sad-sack Whaler-fan update: there's actually a "Whaler Nation" blog where pasty-faced, overweight, Crisco-eating, sobbing Whaler fans congregate and compare stories about Mike Liut and Geoff Sanderson. They had a reunion a few weeks ago. Read about it here. I would have read it but I had something else more interesting to do like take a nap or clean the cat box.
  • Whenever I hear "Tyler Seguin", I think of Carl Sagan.
"Tyler Seguin will score billions...and billions of goals. And within those billions of goals, billions of assists. BILLIONS." Yep, your local pink hat will be calling him "Suh-GWEEN". You've been warned.
  • Ladies, he's now taken. The Mayor of 311 got hitched last weekend. Not sure, but rumor has it the bride wore gold, the groom wore black, and "Nutty" was played as the wedding march. When she said, "I do", a red light came on, etc. Byron Bitz was the best man.