Friday, December 24, 2010

Line Brawl

I've only been whining for about 2 years that the B's needed a line brawl. Yet I was not at last night's game, I gave my ticket to a 311'er who was bringing family to the game. So I had to watch it on TV. "LINE BRAWL, there it is, holy shit" as I leapt up from the couch and my face 4" from the screen as Ference was bloodied after going after Meyer who had kinda hit Lootch a little high. Horton threw some bombs on Kane, Savard clung for dear life vs. Little in a fight that should have never happened, McQuaid couldn't find a dance partner, Lootch sucka-punched Meyer, will each probably get a game.
Thornton starts the game off with a super-long fight vs. Boulton, a pretty much expected event when Boston plays Atlanta. He ended up scoring 2 goals with his parents in attendance, no less. Crowd chanting, "we want Thornton", in the post-game, Thornton was just hoping it was louder than the "we want Bitz" chant.
B's play Atlanta next week, let's see what happens. Maybe there will actually be Thrashers fans in attendance, just to see what happens.
Oh yeah, Ryder scored on typical Ryder snap-shot, Paille with 2 assists, Wheeler not looking nearly as retarded as before, Bergy re-discovers his one-on-one mojo and schooled Pavelec for a shortie.

Monday, December 20, 2010

B's slap away Caps, 3-2

Reversal for the B's in this game, as they started out fast and faded as the game wore on. As you know, the past month of Bruins games has featured slow starts with some great goaltending to keep them in the game, only to have them wake up in the 3rd period and eke out a win or an OTL. Well, this game they came out real strong and scored 3 quick goals - Bergeron on a nice feed from Wheeler (!) and then Ference from the point (first goal in about 1000 games), and then Wheeler (!) scored. Then the B's figured they had worked hard enough and just let the Caps run at them, especially in the 3rd period, where the Caps outshot the B's, 26-2.
Amusing moment, the Caps called a timeout in the 1st period and then on the ensuing faceoff, Matt Bradley went after McQuaid. Nope.

McQuaid pretty much owns him in this fight.

I still find it remarkable that Andrew Ference is not injured yet. I mean, the dude is made of pure crystal; his body will shatter into a fine dust at any moment. When's he going to get injured so we can bring up Bartkowski? Speaking of the young d-men, Kampfer is generally looking okay out there "Remember when we thought Hunwick looked good?", noted Minnesota. Ryan Spooner update - traded from the Peterborough Petes to the Kingston Frontenacs. 19-17-36 totals in 36 games, good for 33rd in the league in scoring. Kingston's logo is an 8-spoked "K" with colors of black 'n gold.

Friday, December 17, 2010


That's right, kids. In a game that pretty much sucked, there was a shining light:

Krejci dropped 'em and got 3 good rights in against Fried Calamari:


So, yeah, uh, 2 back-to-back 1-goal losses to Adams Division rivals (Habs & Sabes).

I got nuthin', as usual. They play the Caps on Saturday night. The Caps are in freefall.

That's Caps coach Bruce Boudreau as an extra in the movie Slapshot. He's #7.

Friday, December 10, 2010

I Hate the Flyers

In a game that was a lot more close than the score indicates, the B's struggled to a 5-2 win the other night vs. the Islanders. Earlier in the week, they had beaten the Sabres, 3-2 in OT. Last night, they squandered a bunch of opportunities (kept missing the net) and lost to the Flyers in OT, 2-1.
  • How 'bout that Lootch, huh? 15 goals this far into the season, granted 4 of them are empty nettaz, but he's projected to score, er, 77 goals this season.
  • League Punching Bag Steve Montador took on Boychuk and it yielded the same result - Montador got beaten by the 'Chuk. Montador should really just have his hands cut off at the wrists and the stubs cauterized, he should not be fighting, nevermind playing hockey. Yeah, I know that, for some reason, he's highly-ranked in the league on plus/minus, but the guy sucks. We've seen it. He shows up, sure, but he sucks. Here, Boychuk slapped him down with uppercuts after Monty put his head down, wishing for his life to be over and for some higher power to save him from the beatdown.
  • Blake Wheeler still sucks. The December '10 issue of the New England Hockey Journal has "a day in the life of Blake Wheeler". Let me sum it up for you: He takes it easy, eats food, takes it easy, plays with his dogs, takes it easy, takes a nap, comes to the rink, takes a nap during the game, goes offside about 10 times, misses the net about 40 times, makes a few self-passes, takes it easy, wimps out in the corners, takes it easy again, goes home, sleeps. Blake, you're living the fuckin' dream here, getting paid some $2M to basically chill out all day.
  • Jody Shelley wiped out McQuaid on an icing during the Flyers game. Shelley got 5 minutes and the game for it, but of course the B's powerless play didn't do anything. Carcillo also took a run at Savard. No Bruins took any opportunity to slap the Flyers around at all, though Lootch did shove Powe around during the 3rd period. Carcillo needs pills if he isn't already on them.
  • Mike Richards, the Flyers' version of Bergeron, skated down the wing and was probably eyeing the clock, "yeah, I'll stick a dagger in their heart here" and beat Thomas with 3.0 seconds left. Thomas had stopped virtually everything else all night. Kinda kills ya when the softies go in, but he makes ridiculous stops all other times of the evening.
  • McQuaid handled himself nicely vs. the Islanders' noble gas, Zenon Konopka, in a fight Thursday night. 5-2
  • Are the B's still paying for Dave Lewis' contract?
  • Speaking of coaches, yup, Craig Berube is an assistant coach for the Flyers. I remember him best when he was with the Caps, he was just a bastid.
  • Someone in 311 keeps rippin' ass. It ain't me.
  • Yeah, last night, had a Flyer fan doing play-by-play for everyone: "c'mon Carle, don't mess up here"; "shoot it again, Pronger!"; "Powe, what are you doing?"; plus got some ERRRR, DUH insight on what makes teams win in OT ("the faster team usually wins"). If Row 12 had attended the game, I think there mighta been some static. And I would have welcomed that static. Entirely TOO MANY Flyers fans at the game last night. We had this one Snooki come up the stairs, realize she was in the wrong section, everyone chanted "asshole!" to her, she emphatically threw down her plate of half-eaten pizza, made some classy comment, everyone booed her and started chanting "bitch!". She went up the correct aisle a few moments later, over by 312, strapped the feed-bag on, and continued to watch the game while her boyfriend rubbed bronzer on his face. She was wearing a Gagne shirt, I believe. Oddly, Philly fans now seem to delight in their basic rowdiness and have to make efforts to equal (or top) their reputation as the most evil, disrespectful fans in the league. In the end, it's like watching Always Sunny - just a bunch of really dumb, selfish people shouting at each other...and you watch in horror. Yeah, don't get me wrong, I'd like to throw batteries at JD Drew, too, sometimes, but gee whiz. Actually JD Drew is the Sox analog to Blake Wheeler - all this god-given talent, etc. and then there's just no pulse. You just wake up a few years later and you realize you just had this all-foam, no-beer guy sucking up roster space, cap money, and stealing oxygen. Once in awhile, you see the talent shine through, and you put them in the lineup because of the potential for something good to happen, but in the end, Drew/Wheeler just takes you to the precipice "maybe NOW he'll heat up and be the player we know he can be", and instead, he goes 0 for 2 with 2 walks. "but, but, but, his OBP [plus/minus]!!!"
  • Spied a Jeremy Reich #53 Bruins jersey last night at the turnstiles.
  • Horton finally scored last night, shot a wicked wrista past Boucher.
  • World Juniors in a few weeks. USA is favored, which means Canada will win.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Savvy Returns; Thomas beats 'Ning

Yesterday was pretty eventful day in Bruinsland.
  • The B's absolutely smoked the Lightning last night. They won, 8-1, buoyed by the return of Savard and helped the gaffes by Lightning goaltender Mike Smith. The best part was the fact that the Bruins finally got off on a good start, instead of waiting until the 3rd period to wake up and start playing.
  • Sturm was traded yesterday, then he wasn't. I heard on Dale & Holley at about 12:45pm that Sturm was gone to the Kings for a conditional pick, but by the early evening, he was still in Boston. I dunno. Sturm had that ridiculous goal in Game 6 vs. Montreal where he stole Roman Hamrlik's lunch money twice, faked out Price, and won the game. We'll always have that, I guess. Plus the Winter Classic winning goal.
  • Savvy made his return last night as well. He did some tricky stuff, but not quite up to speed yet.
  • Thornton scored another goal last night, 45 to go. Towards the end of the game, he was looking to go with anyone, started talking trash and whacking people to see who would take him on.
  • Seidenberg looked like he almost felt guilty for scoring that goal where he faked the dump-in and ripped a snap shot into the goal.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Hunwick Traded

Yesterday afternoon, the B's traded Matt Hunwick to the Colorado Nordilanche for prospect defenseman Colby Cohen. Hunwick got traded after losing a fight, no, sorry, for being the only Bruin who gave a shit vs. the Thrash the other night.
This clears some $1.45M of cap space for Savvy to make his return within the week.
Chiarelli noted that we have some young sluts in the d-man pipeline that made it easier to trade Hunwick. Matt Bartkowski, Steve Kampfert, Jeff Penner, etc.
Colby Cohen was the 2nd round pick of the Nordilanche in 2007. (His wikipedia entry is bigger than Claude Julien's. Clearly, Cohen's mom has been busy beefing up his wikipedia resume, even spelling things Canadian-style (plays "defence") to throw us off her trail) He is 6'-3", 215lbs from Villanova, PA. He played at sucks to BU with fellow d-man Kevin Shattenkirk, who is now tearing it up in Colorado.

Now it is time to unload Wheeler.

Friday, November 26, 2010


I was recently fined by the Massachusetts Division of Fisheries & Wildlife for illegally baiting my Whaler fan trap.

My Whaler Fan Trap

My Whaler fan traps, located around the perimeter of my residence, were baited with objects that all Whaler fans are known to covet.

The Whaler Fan loves his Crisco

The Whaler fan loves Ron Francis unconditionally

I guess the rules & regulations put forth by the Commonwealth prevents the Whaler poacher (me) from baiting the traps with these items as it "is too easy". Usually the Whaler fan goes for the Crisco, gets caught in the trap, and then I beat them into submission with their own 20oz bottle of Mountain Dew. So I got hit with a little fine for having these items placed in the traps. Oh well.

  • Holy shit. This game sucked. Whole team had turkey hangover. Nathan Horton is returning to his Panthers disappearing self. Wheeler still sucks. Nobody could do anything right today. The line shuffling will probably come to an end, there was just no chemistry out there.
  • The Daniel Paella era should be coming to an end soon. An effective penalty killer, sure, but he made some mistakes today, I dunno. Maybe he's just rusty.
  • Saw some Whaler fans out there today. I guess they found a bottle of SPF65, slathered it on to shield them from the cloudy, gloomy day, made the drive on I-84, and waddled to the arena. They were the ones who were clapping like trained seals when "Brass Bonanza" was played by the organist. I was so consumed by the presence of such 2nd-class citizenry, I could barely pay attention to the crappy team out there on the ice.
  • The Mayor returned today for a game. Screamed his head off. Just like old times.
  • Yeah, the game was that bad.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

B's win, 3-1

Another game with some listless play to start, the B's fight off thoughts of turkey day, and slap away the Panthers, 3-1. We'll just ignore the 1st 2 periods, since the B's decided to as well. The third period started off shorthanded where the puck was cleared into the zone and Marchand hustled after the puck and shot it in on a weird bounce off the boards. "the puck bounces for those who hustle", Derek Sanderson used to say a lot during the games a few years ago. So Marchand is rewarded with a shortie and the game is tied at 1. Then old-balls Recchi scores 2 goals (both from Krejci) to hit 1500 points in his career. Next is Paul Coffey with 1531.

Recchi, in his less follicle-ly-challenged days, was a member of the Habs.
  • Wheeler's improved play just ups his stock for when we eventually package him up and send him fed-ex 3-day to Edmonton for a draft pick or two. Even I noticed last night that he was being less of a turd than usual. But he's still gotta go.
  • Mike Weaver of the Panthers got swatted aside like a mosquito by Lootch last night. Weaver got up immediately, "who just hit me", pushed Lootch in the back and then realized who he was messin' with and skated away. Lootch just laffed it off. Also, Mark Stuart did his usual toss-someone-to-the-ice move last night. I forget who he sent to the ground, but he just slapped him onto the ice like this morning's catch.
  • Black Friday vs. the Whale on Friday. I saw a Whaler fan the other day at the FleetCenter, holy shit. Ron Francis jersey and everything. Kid might have had mange, not sure. Friday also represents the Mayor's triumphant, temporary return to Boston after enduring months of confederate flag hockey.
Kill it with fire
  • Game vs. LA featured some hipsters in Row 10. Apparently, showing ass crack from your drainpipe jeans is the new black. And now not washing your hair for 80 days consecutive, too, as one could have solved the oil problem by tapping the slick in this kid's hair. That complaining aside, the game was pretty entertaining & intense as the B's fought back only to lose it (as documented here a few days ago) in a shootout.
  • Speaking of shootouts, the following forwards have nothing in shootouts: Ryder (only has a forehand and everyone knows this), Wheeler (choker), Savard (only has a backhand and everyone knows this), Lootch (hands of concrete but they're softening), Horton (only has a forehand), Thornton (couldn't hit the net), Campbell (cos he sucks), Paille (can never finish, probably a bigger choker than Wheeler). The d-men are off the table, and if Cload ever sent anyone from that group other than Chara then he's getting fired. Everyone one else should go, and Cload's go-to shooters should always be: Krejci, Bergeron, Seguin. They are the hands guys - the crafty bitches on the team.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Shootouts Suck

The NHL better get rid of shootouts in the next CBA or shortly thereafter.  They make a mockery of the sport and I've cried many times in this space about the ridiculousness of how they count in the standings.  A tie is a friggin tie.  Let it be.  We witnessed one of the best games the Bruins have played in front of Thomas all season on Saturday night, but they lost in a shootout (unfortunately Thomas wasn't as sharp as he usually is).  I would have been thrilled to go home with a tie after trailing 3-0 and showing a ton of heart to claw back into it and get the point.  Then the shootout goes and ruins it and leaves a bad taste in everyone's mouth.

The Morale Officer was his usual morale-boosting self and was saying "it's ova" after their second goal and again after their third, but the Bruins put on a good show for us in coming back.

This "loss" capped off an impressive 3-0-1 week for the B's though in which they overcame the loss of Krejci to get some valuable wins.  Going into Monday's game against the Devils I was very worried after the two turds they dropped against Montreal and Ottawa.

  • Thornton watch - 4 down, 46 to go ($45,274 per goal); Kovalchuk - 4 goals ($347,561 per goal)
  • Lottery watch - Toronto still in 27th place overall
  • Blake Wheeler had a good game on Saturday!  Scored the first one (Quick's fault) and setup Bergy's tying goal.  Hopefully he helped his trade value.
  • 4th line continues to impress - what a great shift that led to the 2nd goal on the delayed penalty
  • My hometown UMD Bulldogs are #1 in the nation with an 11-1-2 mark and scored two wins over the hated Badgers in Madison on the weekend in overtime (notice that they get the full two points in the standings and the Badgers get nothing - novel concept - and they play 5 on 5 the way the game should be played in OT - and a tie is a friggin tie).
  • The Devils are a disaster. 
  • Tuukka was great on Thursday - nice to see him finally get that elusive first win of the season
  • Lootch - thoroughly entertaining night at the Gahden on Thursday with Lootch's trick and he sniped one off the post on Saturday that was an inch from being his 11th of the campaign
  • Another 4-game week coming up with the trip to Florida to take on the Lightning and the Panthers followed by one of my favorite dates every season: the Black Friday game against the 'Canes in which The Mayor will make his trumphant return to Section 311

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Wheeler should be euthanized

After a really impressive, almost improbable win versus Pittsburgh on Wednesday, the B's have lost their way again with 2 lackluster showings at home, losing 3-1 to the Habs and 2-0 to Ottawa.
  • The Pittsburgh game, I truly thought it was ova, but I hung on out of sheer boredom I guess - and then BAM there's yer 5 goals. Beating Cindy Crosby & the Pens in their new barn, kind of fun. Gresh & Zo on the 98.5 were talking on the radio earlier that day about a rekindling of violence towards Matt Cooke. No such thing, Cooke was let off easy that night. Gresh - he's pretty bad.
  • The Montreal game, wow, just a total turd there honestly by both teams. Thankfully, not many Habs fans in the arena that night. EXCEPT for the one sitting next to me. It was a dating-within-the-division deal, but 311 couldn't say anything cuz the dude was about 6'-6".
  • The Senators game, what is going on? "and so is life without Krejci" noted 311, as the B's couldn't get anything going last night. If it wasn't for Thomas, the game would have been 5-0. You knew it was going to go poorly when Chara squared off to fight against Chris Neil and before anything could really happen, Chara lost his balance and fell down. And Blake Wheeler, we're going to take up a collection and have you spayed so you don't breed. It's not like you got any stones anyway. Sheesh. I hope Cam is taking note up there and is shopping him around. "Please, just take him" then show the Blake Wheeler highlight reel - no, not the one with offsides infractions, missed shots on breakaways, the slapfight with Ryan O'Byrne, self-passes off the boards that lead to nothing; rather, the clip of him beating 6 guys in St. Louis to score a shorthanded goal. Just replay that over & over, maybe Edmonton will take him. Yeah, I'd like me some Edmonton draft picks.
  • Speaking of draft picks, Maple Leafs update: The Laffs have lost 8 straight, they are 5-8-3 and sit at 27th in the league. 4th overall pick, I'll take it.
  • Dennis Wideman update: 2-8-10 totals in 15 games. I'd still rather have Horton. I'm warming up to "Soupy" as well, our 4th line is playing great these days, I think Thornton's having a lot of fun out there, tied with Kovalchuk in goals scored.
  • Much reduced minutes these past 2-3 games for Seguin. I didn't even notice him until the 2nd period last night. OH, and the Recchin Ball, old balls Recchi, took on Chris Campoli late in the 3rd period. Not many blows landed for either side, but Recchs got the takedown.

Monday, November 8, 2010

B's win, lose, draw (lose)

Yeah. The B's got into some really sloppy habits after busting out to an easy, early lead against the Sabres and it's been pretty much downhill since.

  • The emergence of Brad Marchand the kid's a complete punk but he's skating, shooting, causing a ruckus out there. Hell, even Shawn Thornton's got 2 goals now.
  • Andrew Ference still hasn't hurt his groin nice fight he had vs. ahhh David Backes of the Blues. Backes kinda hit Recchi weird, looked worse than it really was, Ference tapped him with his stick and it was go time. Backes is kind of a tool anyway, but since it was going to lead to a power play, Backes obliged.
  • Patrick Kaleta the player Marchand hopes to be, getting flung aside by Stuart like the maggot pest he is. awesome.
  • We was robbed no explanation really for the washout of the two goals vs. the Blues. The first one I can sort of understand, but the 2nd one was at the other end of the rink - we had no idea how it was turned away.
  • Milbury hates Ovie Milbury spent a good portion of one of the intermissions picking on Ovechkin because he's a selfish, lazy player.
  • Not sure, but pretty sure that it was old pal Brad Boyes absolutely faking Rask out of his jock during the shootout.
  • Speaking of old pals, Sobotka scoring that goal on what I believe was his 3rd or 4th shot of the season.
  • Blake Wheeler we hate you Wheels is really awful. not only was he offside twice during the Blues game, but he always always always does the self-pass off the boards and tries to skate around the defenseman whenever he rushes into the offensive zone. NEVER WORKS.

Blake, lemme see your war face
  • I'm glad my shots were up to date I may have attended a sports memorabilia show recently to have #16 sign my Winter Classic ticket. It's a subculture that truly deserves its own documentary. Sports memorabilia spazzes & carnies, I dunno, I just made sure to not make eye-contact with anyone. It smelled like an attic because of all the old stuff. I felt like I was milling in the background of Roadshow or something. It was both interesting and sad - players are just pieces of meat, signing away at stuff. Marco was genial enough, it's not like we talked about ya know BMWs or anything. Remarkably, no Whaler fan sightings. I figured they'd be at this event like moths to a flame, venturing out from their respective basements to seek out that elusive O-Pee-Chee Mike Liut card.
  • Krejci hurt again it looked to us like an elbow to the head by Oshie, and that the whole team should have pounded his skull in, but later reports from the players say most of the damage was done by Krejci's noggin hitting the dasher on the way down. Still, not good.
  • Seguin is Jesus how quick was that release on the shootout backhand? Lordy. Caron & Seguin rode the pine for most of the 3rd period there as Cload tried to keep the game close & mistake-free.
  • Awful that I had to cheer on "Soupy" as he scored the goal on a pass from Ryder.
  • Who is this guy? Ryder was a man possessed! He was hitting, passing, skating. Wheeler's days are numbered. Cap Casualty, folks.
  • I choose Freewill Toucher & Rich noted this recently and it does seem to be the case - the organist at the FleetCenter always plays Rush tunes a few minutes into the game. The other night, I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure, it was "Freewill". At least it wasn't "By-Tor and the Snow Dog".

Sunday, October 31, 2010

B's clobber Sens, 4-0

Tim Thomas extended his shutout streak as the B's beat the Sens last night, 4-0.
  • Yeah, I fell asleep during the 1st intermission, something about getting up at 4:45am Saturday morning catching up with me. But I watched some highlights on The Fly and maybe I'll catch the replay @ 2pm on NESN.
  • Goal by Seguin - got to see his wheels there, he just blew by the Senators defenders to get to Recchi's pass to tip in the easy lay-up.
  • Horton I guess missed a breakaway shot after deking out both Elliot and himself (too much time?), then Lootch scored 5-hole a few moments later.
  • The Krejci goal, I saw that one. Picked a corner, sweet.
  • Bergy setting up Caron (mini-Bergy) for an easy breakaway goal. Caron's got staying power, this is pretty cool. Earning his salary, that Bergeron, by winning the faceoffs and taking the younger French-Canadian sous son aile.
  • Chris Neil beat up on Seidenberg, hopefully the bench took note and will settle the score later on this season, hopefully during a home game so I can witness the carnage live.
  • Carkner punched Wheeler and Wheeler cried.
  • What can be said that hasn't already been said about Thomas? I've nothing to add, just glad he's playing great, it's a great story to see the old guy returning to form and, as usual, making everyone regret counting him out & second-guessing his abilities.
  • Sobotka update: 5 games with the Blues with 0-0-0 totals and 1 shot. Looks like he's getting about 8 minutes of ice time per night.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Thank You Kessel

I love winning. Dontcha love winning? Like, it's better than losing?

The Bruins raked the Leafs into the forest (running out of Leafs/autumn/defeat items here) last night, 2-0. Tim Thomas with the shutout. GAA of 0.60 and a save percentage over .980, who woulda thunk it?
  • That Seguin kid, he's gonna be something someday. Snapped home a shot, displaying quick wrists, beating Gustafson. Bergy also connected again on the PP with a rising one-timer from the point, beating Gustafson high-glove.
  • Nathan Horton didn't get on the scoresheet tonight but he scored in other areas just as important. He got into a scuffle with Dion Phaneuf and handled himself okay. Apparently it had been going all night, just verbal stuff, then after a faceoff, the sticks, gloves, helmets all came off and Horton went after him like a hurricane, roundhouse blows. Horton got the takedown, but Phaneuf performed some Phaneuf-ery and punched Horton after Horton threw him down. That got Horton pretty hot, so he kept punching away while Phaneuf was on the ground. Horton got the extra 10 for that, but it was worth it. I never though Horton was the type to throw down, but check out this battle with Arron Asham. Took him to the woodshed there. Nice work there, kid.
  • Yah, surely you've heard about the chant (sounded like it started in Balcony Sec 314 or so) of "Thank You Kess-el" after the Seguin goal. It was pretty loud and among one of the better chants witnessed at the Fleet Garden in awhile. Great fun. As usual, the Loge was oblivious to there even being a hockey game on the ice. Game program lists Kessel at, no lie, 6-2 202 lbs. My ass. He's 5-10 and about 185 soaking wet, holding an anvil. He said he couldn't care less about the chants, etc. but we know we're in his head - which is why we chant & boo. Behind that tow-headed exterior lies a fragile, awkward, and sensitive lad...and we're going to destroy him emotionally, brick by brick.
  • Mark Stuart pretty much mugged him in the corner, stole his lunch money, Kessel fell, and the crowd went nuts. Yeah.
  • Milt Schmidt night at the TD Center, I missed most of it due to heavy traffic getting into the city. Dude is 92, appeared as alert as ever, started playing w/ the B's at age 12 or something, held all positions in the organization. I can barely skate.
  • Key Word to Last Night: "Toxic". I musta said "holy shit, the d-combo there is toxic" about 400 times last night. Usually Ference was one of those 2 d-men. During the post-game, Beers said Ference has been doing well, but ya know, if I can tell you suck, then you suck. McQuaid was in for the injured Boychuk. I'd rather see Bartkowski or Kampfer.
  • Ryan Spooner update: 7-8-15 totals in 10 games for the Peterborough Petes, slipping to 31st in scoring.
  • Trade Wheeler. Do it soon, get some picks for him. Banish him to Phoenix or someplace where we won't see him. Saw a toddler with a Wheeler jersey on my way out, I almost called DSS because that's just child abuse right there. My buddy's 13 year old son almost started liking Wheeler during the B's/Rangers game and I diverted him to Seguin.
  • Guy who sat to my right smelled like my late grandfather. Some cologne/aftershave from the 40's was employed there, methinks. And the dude talked to his wife the whole game, pretty much sewed a quilt and bought a few purses during the game as well.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Don't look now, but

Steve Montador is tied for the league lead in plus/minus at a +9.

B's lose, 3-2

Last night the Bruins failed to capitalize on some man-advantages and lost to the Rangers, 3-2.
  • Marchand. The guy's a little turd but man he displayed some sweet moves a few times in the game.
  • 3 fights in the game. First fight was Stuart vs. Avery after Stuart stood up Fedotenko at the blue line. Avery jumped him, they battled, Stuart held his own. Avery got the extra 2 instigator. Then later on Boogard took on Thornton. I don't know how this one started, they just started bear-hugging. But Boogard's got about a half-foot on Thornton and Thornton held up okay. Then Lootch took on Prust but the linesmen ended the fight early, and Lootch was pissed. Jumbotron showed Prust was eye-gouging - whatta bitch...Linesmen ending the fights early. C'mon. Boston-New York, it's Saturday night, let them go at it. Lootch was just getting an arm free and was ready to turn Prust's face into a bowl of meat sauce.
  • Lots of Ranger fans in the building. HORRIBLE.
  • Horton. Continues to come as advertised. Scored another goal on a between-the-legs-behind-the-back feed from Krejci in the corner. Krejci is just sick.
  • Rask. Let up 3 weird, un-Rask-like goals. These are the types of goals Thomas lets up - kind of fluke-y, tip-in shots with weird trajectories and angles.
  • Seguin. Starting to quiet down, playing an apparently responsible game. He was lined up for a massive hit in the corner and dodged it in the last minute...Dale & Holley were projecting on Friday that by xmas he'll be tearing up the NHL, Stamkos-style.
  • Chara scored on another power-play BOMB of shot. Lundqvist never saw it.
  • Another strong game for Caron. He just keeps riding with Bergy and acclimating to the speed of the game. Bergy's got great hockey-sense, so this is not a bad deal by any means. Really, what's gonna happen when Savvy & Sturm come back?
  • Local spaz Brendan "TuukkaTime40" LeComte was featured on the Jumbotron to get the crowd pumped up. He hasn't posted a recap of last night's game yet, probably because he was pahtying wicked hahd last night.
  • Boychuk got slashed on the hand by someone, didn't return for the rest of the game. This may mean the rebirth of the Adam McQuaid era. Ya know, would rather see Bartkowski...
  • Greg Campbell got 4 minutes for slashing Prust in the face. Prust went down like he was shot. Will his dad issue a fine or a suspension?
  • Cole Harbour Hoser, who sat next to me last night, actually played against Avery many moons ago in Nova Scotia. "He is 100% not manufactured. He really, truly is a piece of shit."

Friday, October 22, 2010

Bruins will never lose another game this season

The Bruins dispatched the Capitals in a home/home series with convincing wins. I don't understand what's going on, why the Caps were a step behind on virtually every play, but Bruce Boudreau's got some work to do.
  • Wheeler was offside at least 3 times last night and was in alone probably 3 times, with shots going very wide. The dude has Paille syndrome, he just can't finish. Row 10 blamed "the new skates".
  • Nice work by Caron in the 2nd period right before his goal. He was mucking in the corners for the puck, maintained possession, then scored a goal about 30 seconds later. During this time, the fans were on their feet cheering because the domination was awesome. It almost started to look unfair.
  • Tim Thomas. Wow, huh? I mean, he's all over the place, he's kind of getting lucky with some of the shots just hitting him center-mass, but at some point it goes from being lucky to being just plain ol' good.
  • Horton. Comes as advertised.
  • Ryder. Contract year, trying to get more money. It'd be wise for whoever re-signs him next summer to just go with a one-year deal so he keeps playing for money.
  • Ryan Spooner update: Spooner had a hat trick the other night for the Peterborough Petes in a 6-4 win over the Kitchener Rangers. He is currently ranked #22 in scoring in the OHL with 7-6-13 totals in 7 games.
  • Ference & Laich almost squared off last night. Would have been good to see that one. The linesmen got in the way of that, not sure why. Ference could use a good punch in the face.
  • Near catfight in our section last night. No real blows, just words between each Snooki-wannabe.
  • Brad Marchand is still a turd but he had some good shifts last night.
  • Minnesota, reporting from overseas, predicted the removal of Hunwick from the PP, saying he was the weak link in that setup.
  • One of the highlights last night was when Seidenberg took out Ovechkin on a body check that had both sliding into the corner. Just took him right out, yeeeaaaaah.
  • Wikipedia lists Claude as 195lbs. YEAH RIGHT maybe his arm.
  • Steven Tyler, tone-deaf and just making up words to the anthem. Here's some ear bleach:

Tyler/Perry strung out >> Tyler/Perry sober

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Bruins win, 4-1

The Bruins pounded away on the Devils tonight and won, 4-1. Pretty solid game all around, lots of balance between the lines. Started off a little weak as the Devils skated around the B's for awhile, but the B's got their legs going and put the game away in the 2nd period.
  • Ference/Hunwick d-pair. WOOF. Ference got caught deep a few hundred times. I mean, they were both +2 for the game, but there were some tense moments there.
  • Awesome pass, awesome shot on the Ryder goal from Seguin.
  • Thomas was all over the ice, might have gotten lucky a few times, but looked pretty darn good out there. I don't care too much for his new albino mask, though. Brodeur looked kind of bad tonight, NJ defense just kinda shaky all around. Hey, without the trap, is Brodeur just an average goalie now? Are all those records a product of LeMaire's trap, or what?
  • NESN's Cole Wright - loves Quagmire from Family Guy. okay. Apparently, this is Bergeron's favorite show, too. NESN's also got this thing where Patrice shows off his backyard rink. I just saw it, pretty wacky stuff.
  • Marchand went hip-to-thigh on Zubrus and got called for tripping. I was hoping it'd lead to a massive fight where Marchand would get the stuffing pounded out of him, but no dice.
  • Dennis Wideman scored a goal tonight in a Panthers win, was +2 in 25:19 of playing time
  • First NHL goal for Jordan Caron. Bergeron retrieved the puck right after the goal for his fellow Quebecer ami. Caron's from Sayabec, which appears to be about 120 miles north of Fort Kent, ME.
  • Gregory Campbell is called "Soupy" by his linemates.
  • Matt Cooke got blind-side hit by Mike Richards tonight and got upset about it.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Prague Random Thoughts

So we've had two regular season games on at the time I'm usually watching the English Premier League.  Actually worked out well since the EPL had the weekend off for an international break.  Some random thoughts based on the weekend's action...

Enough already with starting the season overseas:
This can't be helping the NHL.  They can't even sell out the rinks and they have to be spending a lot of money to have 6 teams over there.  The only positive I can see in it is it would be a great excuse for a European vacation if I was independently wealthy.  Since I'm not, I just think it blows.  It takes away a home game for us season ticket holders and it has to be tough on our Bruins.  It's also dumb that we don't see the Bruins play again until Saturday.

Would have been nice to visit and take in a couple games

Comcast sucks:
I'm stuck with Comcast where I now live.  I had DirecTV for years.  Comcast's NHL Center Ice has maybe one game per night in HD and they charge more than DirecTV does for everything.

Nathan Horton is on the 2nd PP Unit:
This boggles my mind and will likely change.  I also don't like seeing Matt Hunwick on PP1.  The PP definitely needs some work.  The Bruins are actually fortunate Phoenix didn't score 3 or 4 shorties in the two games.

The Bruins D has me tempering expectations for this season:
From 1 thru 6, the Bruins D just does not stack up with many of the so-called contenders.  Multiple guys will have to step up their games this year for everything to come together.  Don't be surprised if there is a trade after Ference's groin gives way.

It's nice to have a healthy Chara and Lucic:
Remember last year when Chara was taking little wristers from the point because of his hand injury?  Remember how Lucic never looked like himself after the high ankle sprain?  They both look like more like the 2009 version now.  Chara was also flattening people and getting involved in the offense.  When Marchand found him with a brilliant pass in the 1st period on Sunday, I had to laugh at how he had no idea what to do against Bryzgalov though - that's alright, that's not his game.

It's going to take time for Tyler:
Steven Stamkos looks poised to join Crosby and Ovechkin as an elite superstar in the NHL.  Remember what he did in the first half of his first year?  Next to nothing.  Stamkos turned it up in the 2nd half of his rookie season and that's what we need to hope for from Tyler.  Let's be honest with ourselves, he was nearly invisible this weekend until Michael "Vick" Ryder found him on the post pattern for the breakaway.

Nice debut for the new guys

Horton will lead the team in goals:
Going out on a limb here.  His hands are so good.  Man it's nice to have a sniper again isn't it?  As the Mayor pointed out, he's on pace for 120.  After watching him this weekend, 40 to 50 certainly isn't out of the question.  We'll see if his propensity to take nights off shows up this year or not.  At least he doesn't have a propensity to take seasons off like Mr. Ryder.  Horton has figured in 4 of the 5 goals on the season with his assist on Lucic's goal.  You can't beat that start.

Attaboy Timmy:
Looked good.  Had one of his floppy moments in the 2nd period, but made all the saves and his team certainly played better in front of him.  It will be interesting to see how the playing time shakes out this season.  This blogger projects neither goalie will exceed 50 starts barring injury to the other.

Blake Wheeler is still awful:
I hope this changes because we need the guy to be better, but he is horrible and he's bringing Bergy down with him by being on his line.  He was even bringing Jordan Caron down on Sunday.

Jack made a great point late in Sunday's broadcast:
...when talking about bringing Caron in for Paille today - making players accountable for a poor performance.  Remember last year when Claude kept sending the same bums out night after night even though the effort wasn't there?

Way to go Peter:
Chara and Bergy's combined cap hit this year: $12.25M
Chara and Bergy's combined cap hit the next three years: $11.5M
You have to like locking up these core players and reducing their combined cap hit.  I was actually hoping they could reduce Chara's numbers on the back end of his contract to reduce it further.  According to capgeek, the final two years are $5M and $4M respectively.  Seeing as how he'll be 40 then, I would have thought they could have reduced that some - not Lou Lamoriello/Ilya Kovalchuk style, but some to bring the cap number down further.

I'll take the 2 points after Saturday's debacle.  Good start to the season.  Horton looks awesome, Seguin gets his first, and Chara and Bergy are locked up.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Bruins Preseason

Gee, I'd love to tell ya what I think of this year's team so far, but I've only seen the 2 games at home. Nothing is on television. Apparently NESN thinks we all want to witness the dying days of the Sox.
But here goes anyhow:
  • Gregory Campbell - who the hell do you think you are, wearing #11 and then sucking? Axelsson's skates are pretty big to fill on the ice and in the locker room. Yeah, we saw that substandard preseason fight vs. the Caps. You're not very good. One could argue that maybe he'll turn out like Mike Lowell in the Beckett trade. But probably not. He'll be a nightly scratch within 10 games. Already, I am not a card-carrying member of the Greg Campbell fan club.
  • Zach Hamill - still not progressing at the speed that Chiarelli, et al. would like, he's still too slight (also, Max Sauve, who looked HORRIBLE in the pre-season, he's too light)
  • Jordan Caron - looks like the real deal for next season, when all the old guys are gone after winning the Stanley Cup.
  • Nathan Horton - has displayed a willingness to shoot and scored a nice goal on Carey Price in MTL (saw the replay - Price knew the wrista was coming and Horton still beat him easily), but has also displayed his usual lack of grit ("too many blow-bys along the boards", noted Minnesota.). But the line of Lootch, Krejci, and Horton is looking pretty sick.
  • Tyler Seguin - seems to have picked up the speed of the game quick enough, but we thought he lollygagged a bit, Savard-style, on the line changes. Apparently, he scored some sort of hat trick or something in Ireland, but couldn't see the game. So no highlight reel stuff yet.
  • David Krejci - seems to have returned to form - he showed some sick sick moves during the Caps game. I have him on my fantasy team, so he'll probably get hurt.
  • Patrice Bergeron - probably looked the best out of anyone in training camp. He's going to have a monster year. He'll eclipse Mike Richards as the top 2-way center in the Eastern Conference.
  • Zdeno Chara - has looked shaky to me so far, looks a little behind on the plays. But he delivered that sweet pass to Seguin for Seguin's first preseason goal.
  • Whatshisname Bartkowski - please stick around and replace Adam McQuaid.
  • Brad Marchand - this experiment has to end. I know he scores a few goals here and there, but the cheapness/sandpaper to his game I can't abide. Not looking for Matt Cooke-types here, time to drop 'em and show us you're willing to do more than be a pest. We have better wingers in the system.
  • Andrew Ference - holy shit. What a black hole of suck this guy could be. I dunno, man. I mean, at least he'll get hurt and we'll only have to see him for 30 games. Will spend this season replacing Wideman as the d-man that makes us cringe whenever he handles the puck.
  • Lootch - returning to form. Awesome. Beat down some hump during the Caps game and it was like Christmas. Showing some soft hands again. Fumbled a hot pass from Horton ("that had some hasenpfeffer on it", noted Minnesota) in the slot during the Caps (or Panthers) game that shoulda been a layup one-timer. Gotta nail those looks, Lootch.
  • Ryan Spooner - Imagine when he scores goals, the crowd going "SPOOOOOOON". Why are we dicking around with Marchand when clearly this kid's got the goods? The B's sent him back to Peterborough. He's gonna make the team next year and will probably even be around for the playoffs this April.
That's all I got for now, my half-assed analysis...season starts soon enough. I'm cautiously optimistic but I also have a weird vibe that we're going to go 0-10-0 to start the season.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


Here we see the Whaler fan (Whalerus fanus) outside its natural habitat (mom's basement) and attempting to integrate into society. When hunting W. fanus - approach them with caution, make sure your immunizations are up to date (e.g., tetanus), and make sure your bear spray is ready. The blubber of the Whaler fan is prized much like its namesake. Generally, it's belly fat and occasional muscle is cured like bacon and left in a smokehouse for months. After which, the product is sliced and served for breakfast.

The AHL affiliate of the New York Rangers, the Hartford Wolfpack, is now known as the Connecticut Whale, thanks to the efforts of some guy.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Bruins "Fan Experience" Poll

So you've heard us piss and moan on this website about damn near everything - well today my inbox provided me with a gift - a survey from Bruins Fan Relations, asking me about my fan experiences. Okay, it's just a survey, but still, I have to take this opportunity to make myself heard.
  • The following got "neutral": "Wooo"; Other Anthem Singers; Kelly Malone (I actually feel bad for Kelly Malone. It's this and Subaru commercials for Kelly these days, dunno if she's still on radio. Really, who wants to pimp something as impractical as the SportsDeck?); In-game Music Volume. I know it's wicked loud in the Loge, though.
  • The following got "Somewhat Dissatisfied": In-game Music selections. I wrote a comment about retiring "Crazy Train" and anything by KISS. I also asked for more Mastodon.
  • The following got "Somewhat Satisfied": Jim Martin (PA guy); Organist; Goal horn
  • "Extremely Satisfied": Rene Rancourt, of course.
Next page
  • "Neutral": Turnstile Giveaways (magnets. whee.); Game Night Rosters (Chara's favorite meal: Trek bicycles); Concourse
  • "Somewhat Satisfied": Ice Girls; Blades. I requested that they launder the Blades suit more often. Ever get close to Blades, just walking by or whatever? He generally smells like a basement.
Next page
  • "Neutral": 3 minutes of fame; Intermission contests; t-shirt toss; fan of the game
  • "Somewhat Dissatisfied": Kiss Cam; Helmet Shuffle (look folks, it's always #3); In-game statistical info. They never give you enough stats - especially when it's scoreboard-watching time towards the end of the season or if you're a fantasy hockey tool like me "Oh, the Kings are up on Calgary, 6-0...I hope that's Drew Doughty with 6 goals"
  • "Somewhat Satisfied": Tune Trivia - mainly so I can flex my music knowledge muscle and impress the ladies; Bruins video intro (needs more Orr)
  • "Extremely Satisfied": Black 'n Blue Hockey. Who doesn't like Black 'n Blue Hockey?
Next page
  • Overall experience? Somewhat satisfied. Most of this stuff is "whatever" to me. Just want to see a fast-paced, well-played hockey game with plenty of emotion, speed, hitting, goals, saves, beatdowns, intimidation, blood, goals, blood, goals ...

Friday, September 10, 2010


  • They've arrived. Lindsay sent my season tickets via Fed Ex Camel (new service they're providing) and they arrived this afternoon. Hope springs eternal, blah blah, football has started and hockey starts in a month to take us out of the doldrums of means-nothing Red Sox baseball. Yesterday, I watched a buncha hockey fights on to get my blood boiling again. The usual: Stan Jonathan, Taz, Stock, Lootch, Thornton, etc.
  • Have ya seen the video of Cindy Crosby clubbing a batting practice fastball over the right field fence in Pittsburgh? Even with a Hriniak swing, he still manages to hit one out. Bitch.

  • Looks like Quebec City is a little bit closer to getting a new arena, I guess Le Colisee is too old (though I doubt it's called Le Colisee anymore, I think it's now probably named after Pepsi. The only folks who like Pepsi more than southern white trash are French Canadians.) so they gotta build a new one...and presumably a hockey team will follow? I spoze this is good, anything to bring hockey north of the 36th parallel, but if hockey returns to Quebec City, at the same time I'd like to see the Jets leave Phoenix and return to Winnipeg. Down with this Confederate Flag Hockey business.
  • Sad-sack Whaler-fan update: there's actually a "Whaler Nation" blog where pasty-faced, overweight, Crisco-eating, sobbing Whaler fans congregate and compare stories about Mike Liut and Geoff Sanderson. They had a reunion a few weeks ago. Read about it here. I would have read it but I had something else more interesting to do like take a nap or clean the cat box.
  • Whenever I hear "Tyler Seguin", I think of Carl Sagan.
"Tyler Seguin will score billions...and billions of goals. And within those billions of goals, billions of assists. BILLIONS." Yep, your local pink hat will be calling him "Suh-GWEEN". You've been warned.
  • Ladies, he's now taken. The Mayor of 311 got hitched last weekend. Not sure, but rumor has it the bride wore gold, the groom wore black, and "Nutty" was played as the wedding march. When she said, "I do", a red light came on, etc. Byron Bitz was the best man.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Time To Retire the Ric Flair "Wooooo"

Another Bruins blogger out there (Days of Y'Orr) suggested replacing Ric Flair's "Woooooo" with Fred Cusick. I think this is a great idea. Aren't you guys getting a little tired of it at this point? I know I'm getting tired of explaining to people that it is a recording of Ric Flair and not the PA man.

While they're at it, here are some more requests regarding in-Garden entertainment:

1. Put the axe to Kelly Malone's little vignettes (go back to voiceover work only - no cutting to Kelly on Garden HDX). I picture her in contract negotiations with the people at Bruins Entertainment asking for more facetime to get her "image" out there.
2. Show more replays and fewer idiots who come to the game strictly to get on Garden HDX (how many times did I text the Mayor this season asking what just happened on a play because all the Garden was showing was the latest douchebag who dressed up like Greenman?).
3. Show more replays and less train-conductor-hat-wearing, mustachioed, dancing pedophile (disclaimer - I do not have proof that he is a pedophile).  Once per game is more than enough.  It's tradition at this point that you see him once a game, but leave it at that.
4. Show more replays and less pounding-on-my-chest-special-ed-helmet guy.

Anyways - it would be great to have an original idea for a goal celebration at the Garden or something that at least says Boston Bruins. My favorite is Buffalo's. They replay Rick Jeanneret's call of the goal immediately after the horn. This is classy. This is not some wrestler erupting with a mating call. Maybe we could get Randy "Macho Man" Savage's "Ohhhhh Yeeaaahhhh" next.

Anyways, go read their post. They make a good point.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Time For a New CBA

The early reports on the Kovalchuk deal are that it is for 17 years for a total of $102M which is an annual cap hit of just $6M per year. This is a relative bargain in the salary cap system for a player of his caliber. According to something NESN's Jimmy Murphy re-tweeted, the Contract is structured as such:

First 8 years: $10M per
Next 2 years: $7.5M per
Final 7 years: $7M TOTAL

The $10M man for only $6M on your salary cap!

This is the Devils taking full advantage of the current CBA to gain a competitive advantage on the rest of the league in the near-term. The next CBA needs to institute a "Kovy" rule to address this. If you wiped the final 7 years off the contract his cap hit would be $9.5M per year. With those 7 years on there, he only costs $6M towards the cap. Here's hoping he doesn't live up to his salary of $10M while only costing them $6M per season. You can't blame Lou for doing it, because our own Chiarelli did the exact same thing on a smaller scale with Savvy. Savvy averages $6.375M in actual salary over the first 4 years of his 7-yr extension, but his cap hit is only $4,007,143 per season since the final three years TOTAL only $2.55M.
The inherent problem with a deal like Kovalchuk's is that its made with the distinct intention of buying him out after the 10 years is up. If Lou Lamoriello has his way, Kovalchuk will be a force for the Devils for the next ten years at the bargain basement price of $6M per season against the cap. After the tenth year, Lou will just buy the contract out and bid him farewell at little to no expense since the buyout only has to do with the remaining term and amount (7 yrs for a total of $7M). Same thing with Savvy. Think he will be playing the 2015-16 season for the current league minimum of $525,000 like his contract currently states (and costing his team over $4M against the cap)? The answer is no. He will either have been bought out or retired so the system is flawed and allows this practice.

Lou Lamoriello: For my money, the prettiest man in hockey.

How does the NHL fix it? They need to cut down on front-end loading of contracts. In the Kovalchuk example, let's assume he gets paid exactly $1M per year for those final 7 years. That's 7 years of a 17-yr contract that his salary is only 10% of the most he makes in any single year. So, you could limit this percentage to say 50%: in no year of a multi-year deal could any single-year salary be less than 50% of the largest single-year salary in the deal. Using Kovy as an example again, that means the lowest you could go for those final 7 years would be $5M. For the sake of argument, if the final 7 years were at $5M per, the annual cap hit would be $130M/17 which is roughly $7.65M. No GM would do this deal because it would be incredibly expensive to buyout throughout the life of the contract and the $7.65M cap hit is not enough of a bargain to justify the long-term risk. Therefore, the most you would see a guy like Kovalchuk sign for is 5 years which is much more realistic and better for the game as a whole. Gary Bettman and the boys better get busy and figure out how to transition into the next CBA because the current CBA is beginning to create some problems.

By the way, your Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks used a front-end loaded contract to Marian Hossa (actual salary of $7.9M with a cap hit of just north of $5.2M) to help win the cup this year. They don't usually work out though - just take a look at the New York Rangers for an example with Drury, Redden and formerly Gomez. How's Rick DiPietro doing for the Islanders? Vinny Lecavalier looked like a man just going through the motions for much of his first season of an 11-yr contract extension last year. Vinny's deal is similar to Kovalchuk's in that he is making $10M per season for the next 6 years and then it drops off, but not as harshly as Kovy's. Vinny's cap hit is a little over $7.7M which is much more reasonable.

This blogger just hopes that some of these issues with the CBA don't lead us into another lockout. The game has come a long ways since the clutch-and-grab days of the late '90's and early '00's and we certainly don't need another season off. However, another lockout would definitely help keep the pink hats away which wouldn't be the worst thing in the world...let's hope we never see a day where the NHL becomes as over-commercialized and over-hyped as the NFL, NBA, and MLB.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Komrade Ference

A spectre is haunting the Bruins locker room; the spectre of Communism.

I've long suspected this - I've taken note of Ference's interests, accomplishments, and personal history to reach this conclusion: Andrew Ference is a commie.

Back in the 2001-2002 season, Andrew Ference was a teammate of a few Russians on the Pittsburgh Penguins, notably perennial dirtbag Alexei Kovalev. It was at this stop in Ference's career where his leftist leanings came to bloom into full-fledged communism.
  • Ference's parents are elitist yuppie commies from Alberta. His dad is a dentist and his mom is a doctor. Going with trends in today's media, what, with intelligence/higher education equating to pinko liberalism, one can easily connect his commie influence with his upbringing.
  • Ference is a tree-huggin' liberal moonbat whackjob. He has worked with environmentalist David Suzuki to get carbon offsets for the NHL's attempt for carbon-neutrality. Suzuki is not only an environmentalist, but was a director of the Canadian Civil Liberties Union back in the '80's.....ACLU, CCLU = COMMIES
  • Ference traveled to Africa for "Right to Play" to teach Tanzanians about hockey... and spread his communist agenda. Being all inclusive and friendly to those folks, surely a recruiting tactic to appeal to the poor, then regale with tales of socialism/communism.
  • In a recent interview with Vf311 that probably didn't happen, when asked if he was a commie, Ference replied, "Nyet, oh no, I mean, no". bullshit!!!
  • Ference was the team rep to the player's union. Communism and organized labor go hand-in-hand. Class struggle - the working man vs. the capitalist...Hockey players of all countries, unite!
Ference's Favorite Hat: The Russian Ushanka

Commies usually wear brown; Here's Ference proudly displaying his Commie plumage.

Actually, that photo is not only evidence of Ference flying his freak flag, but he's waving his Charlie card right in your face. He has done promotions for public transit and the MBTA. You know who else loved public transit? Michael Dukakis.

Here's Ference in his green jacket (another commie favorite) and bicycle - the guy is dying to live in China with his commie brethren

Look at that big ol' commie star tattoo on his back

Here is the (red) bearded Ference. Reminds me of another famous commie...

V.I. Lenin himself

Tuesday, July 6, 2010


Section 311-er known as "P-break" sent the section drunken texts last night, as he had learned about the news of Probert, his favorite player. "I'm goin' outside right now to look for some punks and beat them up."
Check that shit at 1:32 of the video. Was that a head-butt, or just a guy who flinched and collapsed like those fainting goats? Also, the end of the video features a line brawl vs. the Bruins. I vaguely recall that game, I remember Lazaro getting choked or something by somebody.

Oh man, I just found it on the youtube:

Check the B's fan taking a swing at Stevie Y. Yup, that's local shithead John Dennis doing the sportscast for then-WNEV Channel 7.

That was Stephane Quintal who took on Probert, basically hanging on for dear life. Quintal coulda been a man, but decided to join the dark side and played for the Habs for most of the balance of his career. Horrible.
Steve Leach. Back in the day, the Bruins players actually wrote a cookbook. My sister bought it because she was obsessed with Wes Walz. One of the recipes was contributed by Steve Leach - it was "Steak with Salt".

Steak with Salt
by Stephen Leach

1 piece of steak
salt to taste
vegetable oil

Pour oil into hot skillet. Salt the steak. Cook until medium well.

I'm not kidding. Most other players contributed stuff made by their wives/moms. But Leach, man, he dug deep for that one.

Leach. Meetch. Seetch. Beetch. REICH.

Jeremy Reich is back, kids. Back in 2006-2007 when the B's were bad, real bad - it was Reich (pronounced "REETCH" to you pink hats) who showed up every night and played like someone swapped his gold bond medicated powder with cayenne pepper. Section 311 took notice, and is pleased to see that he is back in the fold, "to show the kids in Providence how to prepare for each game" i.e. play every game like it could be your last. If half the parent club played with the fury & abandon of Reich, we'd have Stanley Cups every year. As the Mayor used to say, "Numba 53 in yoah programs, Numba 1 in yoah hahts. Hey, anyone got any Grizz?".

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Happy Canada Day

Who's this Lebron guy and who gives two shits where he ends up? This is day 1 of NHL free agency - all that matters. Some thoughts from the early action on one of my favorite days of the NHL year:

Be thankful that Glen Sather is not our GM: 4 years @ $1.625M per for an enforcer (Derek Boogard) who gives you next to nothing else.

Philly re-upped Braydon Coburn at a $3.2M cap hit and traded for Maszaros ($4M cap hit). It would seem they don't have the room for all that money on the blueline so there may be another move coming OR they were so disgusted with their third pair in the playoffs (which they should have been) that they are spending money on the blueline and willing to go back at it with the tandem of Leighton and Boucher.

Pittsburgh signed Zbynek Michalek ($4M per) and Paul Martin ($5M per) to 5 year deals. I really like these moves for them. The reason they failed this year was because of the losses of Skillz Gill and Rob Scuderi from their cup team. Well, this certainly helps and I don't think the loss of Gonchar will have a tremendous effect (Martin and Goligoski can pick up the offensive slack).

Pittsburgh and Philadelphia got better today. The Bruins did not. I really wanted to see a top defenseman make it to the Bruins and my pipedream was Paul Martin, but I guess those hopes will have to go elsewhere. Of course it's still early and there is apparently still some trade buzz out there for Savard so we'll see.

As feared, it appears that everyone is following the Detroit model for success by not paying too much for goaltending. The top three destinations for Timmy Thomas were Philly, San Jose, and Tampa. San Jose got Niitymaki for only $2M. Tampa added Dan Ellis for only $1.5M to fight with Mike Smith ($2.2M) for the starting job. Philly re-upped Leighton for a $1.55M cap hit. This is what happens when you have a Leighton/Niemi battle in goal in the Cup Final. Timmy Thomas stays a Bruin. Now that I said that, he will likely be traded tomorrow.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Seguin Throws Like a Chick

Nathan Horton & Tyler Seguin threw out the first pitch tonight before the Sox game vs. the D-Rays. Horton wore a jersey with #18 on his back, after his favorite Red Sox player of yore, Glenn Hoffman. Seguin followed suit, wearing #19 in honor of his favorite Red Sox player, Jeff Sellers. The guys doing the catching? No, not Tek or someone interesting like that, but Dustin Richardson and Manny Delcarmen. Way to bust out your A-list on that one, Sox organization. Couldn't even get a real catcher, ya know, I mean really, give me Rick Cerone or John Marzano.

Yup, not much hockey news. Modano's not re-signing with the Stars. Sergei Crapstitsyn was traded by the Habs for Dan Ellis & Dustin Boyd.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Miscellany, or How I learned to stop worrying and embrace the BS that is World Cup Soccer

  • SOBOTKA is GONE. Traded to St. Looie for their 4th round pick from 2008, David Warsofsky. Warsofsky is about 5' 3", 160 lbs and hails from MarshVegas. I believe he currently patrols the blue line at BU. Surprisingly, a hockey player from BU/MarshVegas (or his insufferable parents) has not taken 5 minutes to compose his own Wikipedia page. BUT, since Warsofsky (and/or his parents) probably googles himself daily, he'll find my whining about the trade and create said Wikipedia entry post-haste. YOU GOT TRADED FOR VLADDY. Those are some big shoes to fill - so I'm a little irrational. Vladdy averages some 25 hits per game and was fun to watch. Of course, with the trade rumors regarding Savard swirling like crazy, I spoze that it's likely that both players are being shipped out of town as punishment for the line change gaffe.
  • USA is out of the World Cup. Seems to me the biggest problem with US futbol in the World Cup is that they fail to advance just as they're beginning to get the nation behind them. Folks who rarely care about soccer just start to get sucked in, but the team chokes in the playoffs.
  • Futbol would be a helluva lot more fun if there were fights. I mean, seriously, someone slide-tackles your ass and it was dirty? Time for a donnybrook. Don't roll around and cry. The Euro flopping/acting/injury-faking has been much-talked about, and it sucks how it's made its way into American sport (Pau Gasol). But that's the way it goes. Ya know, the Sox need a bench-clearing brawl, time for some bad blood, time for some team-unifying, visceral experience.
  • On a related note, the Canadiens are looking to sign Samuel Inkoom of Ghana to their farm team due to his formidable acting skillz.
  • Speaking of skillz, Hal Gill sucks.
  • Mike Tirico was talking to a British dude and a German dude before the England/Germany game this morning, and Tirico asks something like, "so what's this like for your respective countrymen?" The Brit guys starts, "This is D-Day..."
  • Okay, here's a reason that soccer blows. England clearly scored a goal here, the ball bounced a good 6 feet behind the German keeper after deflecting off the bar, and because they don't have instant replay or a ref behind the net, or near the net, the goal wasn't counted. That's BS. Did the ref bet the under? Rumble in Brighton tonight if England loses.
  • My neighbor is running a shop-vac/leaf blower on a Sunday morning. Fuck this shit.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Brass Balls is Back

The Bruins have re-signed Mark Recchi.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

NHL Awards Roundup

Jay Mohr blows.

Per the usual, the NHL Awards ceremony was a poorly choreographed, awkward affair full of bad jokes, bad music, and bad acceptance speeches.
  • Calder Trophy: Tyler Myers beats Duchene & Howard.
  • Selke Trophy: Datsyuk wins again, beating Kesler and Jordan Staaaaaal. Wears another horrible suit, but gets the biggest laugh of the night by thanking management for paying him. Ryan Kesler in a Bruins uniform - it's gonna happen someday, folks.
  • Cirque du Soleil does some dance thing for the French Canadians/gays watching the ceremony.
  • Ted Lindsay Award goes to Ovechkin, beating Henrik Sedin and Cindy Crosby
  • Amusing comedy bit involving Ryan/Getzlaf and their silver/gold medals.
  • Jack Adams award goes to Dave Tippett (PHX) who beat Trotz & Sacco.
  • Vezina Trophy: Ryan Miller beats Bryzgalov, Brodeur
  • Musical performance by Shinedown. WOOF. I didn't know Penn Jillette started a band.
  • Masterson Trophy won by Theodore who beat Ortmeyer and Foster.
  • King Clancy Trophy goes to Shane Doan. Presented by the Army. The Army is trying to recruit corn-fed Manitoba dudes or something? Doan coaxes free agents to come to PHX. He should have mentioned the golf.
  • Lady Byng: Marty St. Louis, who beat Brad Richards and Datsyuk.
  • Mark Messier assface award: Cindy Crosby. Crosby slurps up to Mess, then slurps up to Stevie Y. Pretty sure that Crosby gave a post-ceremony tongue bath to Bettman.
  • Olczyk & Roenick present the Norris. Crying joke is made with JR saying that he cried because he was stuck next to Milbury for 4 hours.
  • Goo Goo Dolls (I'll take Johnny Rzeznik to block) perform some song.
  • Guy LaFleur presents the MVP award, makes a tired joke about hair, with Henrick Sedin beating Cindy & Ovie for the MVP.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Wideman for Horton

Peter pulled one off. He took one of his problem children (Wideman) and traded him to Florida for their own problem child: Nathan Horton. Florida GM Dale Tallon stated that Horton made it clear he wanted out as soon as he took the job. According to Darren Dreger's tweets, the complete deal is as follows:

Florida Gets:
Dennis Wideman ($3.875M cap hit for the next two seasons)
Boston's 15th Overall Selection on Friday
Boston's 3rd Round Pick in next year's draft

Boston Gets:
Nathan Horton ($4M cap hit for the next three seasons)
The rights to RFA Gregory Campbell (role player at best)

Here comes Horton

Peter cashed one of his chips in (the 15th overall selection) to hopefully improve the Bruins offense this season. There has to be more to come now. As Matt Kalman also said, he now almost certainly has to dump a forward salary or Timmy's salary to make room to sign some help on the blueline. The hot rumors have been Marc Savard, but I don't know how willing Savvy will be to waive his no-trade clause to most markets out there. Is Savvy being shopped because the Bruins are figuring Seguin will be their guy on Friday? Is Savvy being shopped at all or is it just a bunch of ridiculous rumors out there? The Horton rumors proved to be true however. This blogger is still hoping for a Thomas trade. The Bruins could do some nice things with their blueline if Timmy's $5M cap hit was off the books.

Horton has had flashes of brilliance over the years, but has mostly been disappointing given his pedigree (3rd overall pick in 2003 behind Marc-Andre Fleury and Eric Staal). It is troublesome that the Bruins brought in a guy with a penchant for taking nights off, but then again, they got rid of one too. They are also married to him for the next three years so here's hoping that playing in front of a full house in a better hockey market will motivate the kid (turned 25 last month) to bring his game on a consistent basis. Over the years, when watching him, I've alternated between "this kid will be next year's breakout star" and "did Nathan Horton play tonight?"

Psychologically, Wideman had to go. He wasn't going to succeed here again which is a shame because he was so good two years ago. Peter had to do this and I'm surprised he found a way to be honest. This is how trades get done - when two GM's have guys they want to get rid of that fit the other's needs (and Peter can throw in a valuable 15th overall draft selection). That's why I was hoping Paul Holmgren wanted to get rid of Jeff Carter because it's obvious they need goaltending. Now if you look for trading partners for Thomas it would be to net a top 4 defenseman one way or another.

Late-breaking news has it that next year's cap number will increase which is great news for the Bruins and will help with their situation on the blueline.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Savvy to Columbus Rumor

Can anybody honestly tell me that Savard would waive his no-trade clause to move to Columbus Effing Ohio?

These are just silly rumors created by people who are bored now that the playoffs are over and they have to wait for the draft to start.

You can have Wheeler though Columbus.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

9 Days Until The Draft

A few things today:

Cam Neely is going to be named "President" of the team. So what? Front office maneuvering is really exciting. I'm glad I got the email from Bruins Fan Relations saying a "major announcement" is coming today. A major announcement would be a blockbuster trade - spare me the front office BS. The only thing I would be interested in is how this changes his day-to-day. I doubt it changes much.

For those of you that play keeper fantasy leagues: every one of you knows a guy in your league who is always stockpiling young talent and hoarding extra draft picks right? This guy is constantly thinking about next year and never wins a penny and you love having him in your league because he is a doormat. For me, Peter Chiarelli is in danger of becoming the NHL's doormat if he doesn't parlay some of these extra picks they have into something this offseason (especially the Bruins own 1st Rounder this year and Toronto's 1st Rounder next year). Cash some of your chips in and make a run at it Peter - you have a window of opportunity right now.

More thoughts on a potential Tim Thomas trade:
1. The only teams that would take on a contract they cannot get rid of (35+ with no-movement clause) to be saddled with a $5M cap hit for the next three seasons would be teams trying to win now who think a solid goaltender is the missing ingredient. We already know Philly is desperate for goaltending...who else needs help?

2. Other teams with weak goaltending as of right now: Atlanta (no one signed, Pavelec is RFA), Dallas (already extended Lehtonen 3 years @ $3.55M per), Ottawa (LeClaire under contract with $3.8M cap hit for next year only), San Jose (Nabby a free agent), St Louis (Mason a free agent), Tampa Bay (Mike Smith under contract with $2.2M cap hit), Washington (Theodore a free agent, Varlamov still under contract). Ok, so of these teams who is a possibility?

3. Cross off Atlanta because they are not in "win now" mode. Cross off Dallas because they are already committed elsewhere. St. Louis may also fall into the rebuilding category and Ottawa also has the commitment to Leclaire. So the way I see it, I rank the potential Thomas trade partners in this order: Philly, Tampa, Washington, San Jose, St. Louis. You could speculate for days on what would happen with this, but the end result would be freeing up cap room for a top 4 d-man (my preference - look at the Bruins D and compare it to the top four of the two cup finalists as Fluto did the other day) or a scoring winger.

4. If Philly wants to trade, I want Jeff Carter and no one else. I do not want Simon Gagne (injury prone). I do not want Danny Briere's contract (5 years left @ $6.365M per against the cap) even though he was a Bruin killer in the playoffs. Add on some nice draft picks to sweeten a deal for Carter. Philly can fit Timmy under the cap and still take care of the only guy they need to take care of: Braydon Coburn. Basically everyone else on that team is signed for next year and some at an incredible discount (how would you like to have Giroux, Leino, and Van Riemsdyk for less than $3M total against the cap - roughly $3.3M with Van Riemsdyk's bonus potential?).

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Habs suck

NHL Network is airing Game 1 of the 1969 Adams Division semifinals, Bruins vs. Habs.
Bruins are up, 1-0 on a goal by Derek Sanderson, assist from Orr.
Habs suck, even in black in white.

USA ties England, 1-1

Michael Leighton flew across the pond and lent his goaltending expertise to England goalkeeper Robert Green, "Okay, now....this is how you let in a soft goal..." (picture swiped from

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Calder Cup Finals, etc.


The Mayor reported in last night with this picture from the Calder Cup Finals. The Mayor, a Section 311 ex-pat, has landed in Austin, TX where he has become a drooling, spastic fan of the local AHL team, the Texas Stars. They are in the Calder Cup Finals against the Hershey Bears (Washington Capitals - not only is their parent club pretty good, but their farm team as well? Bullshit!), where the Bears have a 3-2 series lead after last night's game.
The above picture is supposedly of Chris Bourque, son of hockey god Ray Bourque.
The Calder Cup finals are being aired on the NHL Network. If there's another game in Austin, the guy flipping out against the glass with the local paper rolled up and tucked in his back pocket wearing a beer-and-burrito-stained yellow shirt, green ballcap...that's our boy. He's either offended everyone in his section and they've all left for the balcony, or he's whipped his section up into a tremendous frenzy and they are all buying him food, beers, etc.

Today, USA plays England in the World Cup. I've been waiting for this all week. Sure, I only know, like, 4 players on the USA squad (Clint Dempsey, who used to play for the Revs), and I can barely figure out why all the players fall onto the grass holding onto their shins in writhing I-just-got-shot-by-a-howitzer pain despite their, uh, shin guards...but I'm still watching. Here's ESPN's modus operandi for the World Cup: American announcer that we all know, like, say Mike Tirico, who pretend to talk about players and a game they know nothing about - with a guy from Europe, usually some guy from the UK who has just retarded soccer credentials with like 400 games played for his home nation or something ("caps"?). The American announcer brings it home for us fairweather fans ("Look, Kornheiser!"), and the Euro guy is there to actually drop some legitimate futbol science on our Yank asses. Yup, I have a startling grasp of the obvious.

I guess Don Orsillo is under the weather or something, so NESN had local lackey Eric Frede fill in. It was like listening to a really bad date, as Frede was trying to keep things light and Remy wanted no part of it. Remy was just sulking, arms folded defiantly across his chest, and not saying anything for the first, say, 4 innings. Actually, the game was in hand at that point, so I hit the mute button and went to sporcle and did this week's latest quizzes, so maybe Remy softened and Frede ended up getting lucky.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Jeff Carter for Thomas?

Just minutes after Michael Leighton let in a weak goal to Patrick Kane to lose the Stanley Cup, an anonymous commenter posted "I'll give u Carter for Thomas" on this post from February.  Let's face it, Philly may have been a goaltender away from hoisting the Stanley Cup this year.  Leighton was underwhelming on the Sharp goal that tied the game at two in the 2nd period as well.  Philadelphia will be clamoring for goaltending in the offseason (they only have Boucher under contract for $925K).  As I noted in that post, a Carter for Thomas swap makes sense because of the equal cap hits.  Philly's fans are probably upset with Carter right now (should have buried that one in the waning moments of the 3rd period and didn't do much after coming back), but like Marc Savard for the Bruins, he probably wasn't ready to come back when he did for the Flyers. 

We'll take him here in Boston.  That would be the sniper the Bruins don't have.