Saturday, April 30, 2011


Today the Patriots beat the Eagles, 7-3 at the Well Fargo Arena.
  • Well there ya go. The Krejci line wakes up. Krejci gets 2 goals, 2 assists and looked unstoppable at times, working his bullet-time magic especially on the Campbell goal.
  • Lootch looked 200% better today, was actually skating, hitting, shooting. He actually looks interested in playing now.
  • Pronger's a jerkwad, huh? As if you didn't know - Paille smokes him on an icing, and he slashes Paille. Paille goes to the box for being awesome and Pronger goes to the box for being a gap-toothed jerk.
  • Power play is, what, 0-for-25 now? or something? Does it even matter anymore?
  • Still, today was just not the Flyers' day. I don't even think I heard Hartnell's name until the 3rd period.
  • Did Pierre Maguire say that van Riemsdyk is like Cam Neely? And didja see the look Milbury gave Maguire, like, "I know Cam Neely, I coached Cam Neely; van Riemsdyk is no Cam Neely". No one ever accused Maguire of being all that smart.
  • During game 7 vs. the Habs, I saw a B's fan with a black t-shirt with the Canadiens "CH" logo turned on its side and the "H" was altered to make it look like it was crying. Who is making those? I gotta get me one of those.

B's Finish the Deal; Flyers Next

yay camera phone. I guess.

So in case you haven't heard, or can't tell by the "awesome" photo above, the Bruins turned out the light on the Habs Wednesday night.
  • Some sort of moratorium on ripping on the B's power play immediately following the game, as for once, the Boston sports media opted to not dwell on the negative and actually enjoy a victory.
  • But are you kidding me? 0-for-21 power play? Brian Burke is pleasuring himself to viewings of its ineffectiveness. Every time Kaberle goofed up a play at the blue line or got the yips in the corners, Burke just poured himself another whiskey and grinned.
  • Jeff Halpern, who got thumped into the end of the glass, then decided to skate into Ference's shoulder, I think ended up inadvertently tipping in Nathan Horton's shot. Jeff Halpern, you suck.
  • Subban's a total diver and a putz, but he's good and he's going to be around for awhile. Deal with it. At least you have someone to focus your hate on, the torch has been passed from Hab assholes of the past (Guy Carbonneau, Stephane Richer, Lyle Odelein, shit this list truly could be infinite. Did I already mention Guy Carbonneau?).
In no particular order, comments on the individual performances:
  • Playoff MVP: Gotta give this one to Bergeron. The guy had a monster series, winning 110% of the faceoffs and best of all, always moving his feet, unsatisfied and fighting for that extra inch ("we claw! with our FINGA-NAILS for that inch!"). Bergeron "gets it", folks. I don't know if it's the early influence of Martin Lapointe (heh) or the current influence of greybearded, brass-balled Recchi (playing through kidney stones; getting his blood swapped for new blood, Keith Richards-style, during the Carolina series), but anyone who doesn't think Bergeron is the face and cornerstone of this franchise should make their way to the cracker factory. I'm ready to hoist #37 to the rafters. When Recchi retires, he's going to will that wheelbarrow he uses to cart around said brass balls to Bergeron, "here you go, you've earned this". Okay, enough with the balls.
  • Playoff LVP: Kaberle. A caller to the sportshub recently called out Felger, et al. by correctly pointing out that we should not have expected much, defensively-speaking, from Kaberle. He's a bring-the-puck-up defenseman who can pass well and aid the power play. And in speaking with a Maple Leaf fan yesterday, he agreed, basically saying that Kaberle is as soft as puppy shit in his own zone, but silky smooth offensively. I guess we're just going to have to give it a little more time for Kaberle...during a part of the season where time is of the essence. I dunno.
  • Playoff SoLVP: "sort of least valuable player". Ryder. Dude, love the goals, love the quick release, and that glove save was the shit of legend, but completely sick of your "enigmatic" (KPD) ways. The dude's playing for a contract and still can't get his dick hard for 17 minutes a night on the ice. Start Seguin, start Caron, start your mom. Bench Ryder.
  • Playoff MVP the more I think about it: Andrew Ference. Admit it - his goal and middle finger to the Habs fans was the turning point of the series. Right now, the action could be characterized as classless, or whatever, but the B's were down, 3-1 at that point and nothing was going our way. Ference skates into a rolling puck, puts the force of the Warsaw Pact behind a blistering бомба over Carey's glove, then flips off the Bell Centre crowd. It would have been unforgettably badass if Ference owned up to it, but I suspect he was trying to keep the action from being bulletin board material. Plus the guy just competes in the corners despite his midget, commie-like ways. Also, 2 assists in the series clincher.
  • Very close to being Playoff MVP: Chris Kelly. Who knew? The guy's no dummy and finally delivers as advertised: PJ Axelsson with better finish.
  • I'm impressed with his speed: Rich Peverley. Can't help but feel a little bit British whenever I say "Peverley", but yeah, anyway, he's worth putting down the game-time donut when he rushes up the ice.
  • What a beast: Had a rough start to the series, but Dennis Seidenberg is just awesome and I don't think we've yet seen just how good he is.
  • WTF?: Lootch...coasting thru the zone, looking passive, waiting for a pass instead of making shit happen.
Things to look forward to in the 2nd round versus the Flyers:
  • Hating Chris Pronger: and Hartnell, and Giroux, and "Hot Carle"...
  • Daniel Briere is a whiny bitch: It didn't end with the Habs - the Flyers got their own weenie who wears a visor, cries to the refs, slashes people when the refs aren't looking, is small and quick, and is a pure Bruins killer. Remember the two-hander to Franz Nielsen's head?
  • We will probably make their goaltending look awesome: Sadly, we're going to make whoever stands between the pipes for the Flyers look like Thomas' competition for the Vezina. Unless we start Seguin. After Seguin starts averaging 2 points/game, cures for AIDS, cancer, and all that stuff will be found, plus world peace, end of poverty and hunger, struggle, strife, etc.
  • Flyers fans are subhuman: Watch out for the batteries, folks. Always Sunny in Philadelphia isn't kidding. Everyone in that town really is that dumb.
  • The Flyers are shit, but at least they'll step up: aside from the aforementioned Briere, who usually has Carcillo or others doing his dirty work for him, everyone on the Flyers will show up and back up anything they try to do.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

I was wrong as usual

Habs fan, duly ostracized for his allegiance to the bleu, blanc, et rouge

So my prediction of the B's caving in last night did not come true, as the B's, as we all know by now, slapped the Habs away in double OT last night, 2-1. My prediction was way off ("Samsonite!") , and as any frequent reader of this site, all 20 of you (hi mom), know, I know nothing about the game.
Seriously, though, what could I possibly add to the dialogue some 22 hours after the fact? Ryder made a ridiculous street hockey (deck hockey or road hockey to you hosers) save, Chara made a leg/toe save, Ference is becoming even more clutch these days by working around the Lootch pick to put a soft ("20 km/h" in Ference's SI-unit-lovin'-commie-speak; this converts to 12.4 mph) shot onto Price for Horton to bang in the rebound, plus Timmy's retahded save on Gionta. Plus all the other stuff.
  • Lootch looks hurt, I'm telling ya. He's not initiating contact, he's just coasting around on the ice, setting up at the hash marks and waiting for someone to pass to him. I dunno.
  • Cammallerrii fans in Row 9 last night. They were older folks, wore #13 with pride, took the loss quietly, then went home and cried on their bright red, maple leaf-shaped pillows. Actually, more Habs fans in the stands than games 1 & 2. They cheered somewhat loud when Jim Halpert, I mean Jeff Halpern (Jeff Halpern? are you fucking kidding me?) scored to tie the game at 1. We had a couple Habs fans in our row last night, they were quiet, only went thru the row to take one of the hundreds of their smoke breaks in the stairwell.
  • I finally got home, last night flipped on The Fly, and there was the post-game presser with Horton sporting a massive perma-grin. He seemed truly pleased at winning.
  • Flyers beat Buffalo today. Gross.
  • I saw a Habs fan in a Jan Bulis #38 jersey last night. Jan Bulis? Really? That might be up there with, say, a Peter Douris #16 jersey or something.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Game 5 Tonight

The B's return from their MTL/Lake Flaccid road trip to face the Habs tonight in Game 5.
  • So as I'm sure everyone's heard by now that Ference's middle finga to the Habs fans got him fined $2,500 by the NHL. Note that, before that goal, the score was 3-1 and the Habs were having their way with us. At that point, the Bell Centre had kicked into its victorious "ole, ole" chant. I think this was Ference's emphatic "fuck you" to those (Habs fans and Bruins fans alike) who thought this game (and series) was over. He should have owned it, though, after the game, "yeah, I flipped 'em off, so what?"...The favorite adjective to describe, well, any act that is disagreeable these days is "classless". "Ference's salute was classless", "Chara's hit was classless", "Bruins fans were classless", etc. I've been seeing a lot of "classless" lately written by the commentariat, need a new word.
  • Kaberle still sucks, but how 'bout that pass to Ryder for the first goal?
  • Peverley can stay - he is definitely the anti-Wheeler. He's got some speed that makes d-men back up a bit, he can shoot, and knows how to stay on-side (note the OT goal - can you imagine Blake Wheeler staying on-side for that shit? I can't.)
  • Has to speak something for Chris Kelly's character/will to win/compete level/whatever you want to call it, in that he's playing in the dirty areas besides having a busted face. Or maybe playing with a full cage has emboldened him? And therefore, Lootch should play in a cage as well?
  • My goodness, that wrista by Subban was just retahded. Even if Thomas wasn't screened by Plekanec, he probably still wouldn't have seen it.
  • No prediction tonight. Okay, prediction. B's lose, 5-3, 5th goal is empty netter. We got home-ice-disadvantage here in this series or something, and since the B's continue to hate us and hate scoring on the power play.
  • Crowd should be rockin', though, so that'll be fun. Games have been opening with "Cochise" by Audioslave, and that's not a bad way to go.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Dude, where's my power play?

Okay, so the B's finally played a good game. They were cornered by the Habs after shaming us over the weekend.
  • The Bruins' power play has to be the suckiest thing that ever sucked. They spend nearly the whole power play trying to break into the zone or fighting for it along the half-wall. It's just sad. The Bruins need to start declining penalties like football.
  • So nice to have Chara back. I'm not sure if Game 2 was 100% because of Chara's absence, but for some reason it all got better last night.
  • Why do they hate us? Bruins would have been better served to finish 8th this season as they continue to prove that they are one of the best road teams in the league. You see, this only sets it up so they can, for the 3rd straight year, lose a playoff series on home ice in front of their beloved fans. They will lose Games 4 & 5. Why do they hate us?
  • Jack & Brick were in rare form last night. Sure, Jack was his usual, loony self and that's just fine - typical Jack. But Brick, being the local boy that he is PLUS having played with the B's in the late 80's, carries deep in his soul an intense hatred of the Canadiens.
  • Look, I'd send Ryder to the bench, and maybe even Paille/Thornton and bring in Seguin and/or Caron. Caron would love to play in front of his hometown team, he has a willingness to get dirty and play in front of the net - why not let him play? I think Caron has become the forgotten guy at this point. Let him get sloppy with Gill out in front, see what happens.
No, not that Caron
  • Also notable was Ference's dustup with Pouliot. Pouliot came in high on a hit, Ference found him, and they threw down. Good stuff there.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Dude, where's my team?

So yeah, morale has hit a tremendous low here in 311. With about 7 minutes left in the game, you could feel the air just leave the building.

I seriously do not know why the Edmonton Oilers decided to show up and play the last 2 Bruins playoff games at the Gahden. But these guys are listless and are unable to summon the will and energy to do what it takes to win these games. Montreal is not even that good.

Seriously, what happened? We all know Chara is a vital component to the defensive corps, but what has happened to Kaberle??? He brought the suckage of the Maple Leafs with him like a dark cloud. He looks like a lost puppy. I thought we traded for Tomas Kaberle, but I think we ended up with Frank Kaberle. But anyhow, he's not the only one out there who is outmatched by the situation.
So, as I'm sure you've all read by now, if the B's don't pick up their game right quick, the season is over and Julien (at least) and Chia Pet are toast. I dunno. I'm part of the "screw it, let's start Seguin" crowd right now. It certainly can't get any worse. Throw him right into the fire at the Bell Centre. Maybe start Rask, I dunno.

That's me up there, ready to jump off the Tobin

Why do the Bruins hate us? I keep hoping that this is our 19-8 game, and thinking that "it's always darkest before the dawn" and that type of Ned Flanders stuff. But let's face it, I don't think Dave Roberts will be skating for the Bruins in this series. But this team simply hates playing at home. Our only hope is the fact that the B's have been a decent road team this year. They will probably earn a split up in MTL, just in time to lose Game 5 (and the series) at home.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Infinite Path Carved with Unrivaled Skill

Optimism is extremely high here in Section 311. Maybe it's dementia resulting from a few seasons of watching games in the oxygen-deprived balcony, I dunno.
Plan the parade route, save me a spot at the barricade there, load my camera up with film, call in sick, attend the rolling rally.

Waiting all week for the playoffs to begin has been torturous. I hope the Gahden is rockin' tonight, nice and loud.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

My Personal Top 5 NHLers Who Should be/have been Bruins

My own personal list of hard-nosed players who I feel fit the Bruins' mold. Yeah, sure, we'd love the Crosbys and such, but there are others who I feel could fit right in, make a contribution, kick a little ass...

MIKE RUPP Pittsburgh Penguins 6'-5" 230lbs
Career stats: 497 games 49 goals 40 assists 656 PIM

Yeah, he's that "oh, shit" guy who can deliver crunching hits, throw down with anyone, and pop in about 10 goals a year. Classic 4th line center.

CHRIS NEIL Ottawa Senators 6'-1" 215lbs
Career stats: 659 games 77 goals 95 assists 1683 PIM

A total dick to play against, but this guy would just slip on the B's jersey and be at home instantly.

MIKE KOMISAREK Toronto Maple Leafs 6'-4" 243lbs
Career stats: 470 games 13 goals 59 assists 622 PIM

We all hate him for his Montreal years...and who could forget when Lootch pummeled his ass a few years ago. He quieted down after that, but his chippiness started to return this year as the Laffs blew just a little bit less this year. Deep inside this player is a Bruin waiting to come out - probably the only Hab worthy of wearing the spoked-B.

MICHAEL PECA Buffalo Sabres 5'-11" 183lbs
Career stats: 864 games 176 goals 289 assists 798 PIM

I remember him best during his Buffalo years. Did he ever win the Selke? Should have. His later years were plagued by injuries, but imagine PJ Axelsson with more balls, better finishing touch.

DION PHANEUF Toronto Maple Leafs 6'-3" 214lbs
Career stats: 470 games 85 goals 183 assists 644 PIM

He's another dick we love/hate to play against. Eastern Conference-type player, imagine him coming to Boston, playing for a real team, and flattening people in the corners. I went to look for Phaneuf hits on the youtube there, but it's like picking your children. Also, some of them are illegal now and we don't want to, uh, encourage that type of stuff.

RYAN KESLER Vancouver Canucks 6'-2" 202lbs
Career stats: 484 games 131 goals 157 assists 445 PIM

I saw this guy's game was for real during the 2010 Winter Olympics. Just a total force on the ice. I'd trade the entire Bruins roster and their draft picks for the next 10 years for Ryan Kesler.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Bs win

  • 4th line played a complete game as the B's sunk the Islanders, 3-2
  • Who is this Daniel Paille? The 4th line was possessed the other night, their 1st period performance was one of the best all season. Getting pucks deep and wearing down the opposition. That's the shit we need for the playoffs.
  • That Grabner can skate, huh?
  • We were on "Gillies Alert" everytime he had a shift - he could have attacked Krejci or Bergeron and killed our playoff hopes.
  • Today the B's coasted to a 3-1 win vs. the Senators. The Sens got nothing.
  • Fight today, Horton vs. Zack Smith. Smith can throw. Horton pretty much got beat, but kept swinging away. Horton makes these huge, slow punches, like Lincecum windups. But if they ever land, it's ova.
  • Highlight reel goal by Peverley. Kinda this self-pass thing off the boards, got his own pass there, cut to the center and backhanded it in. I taught him how to skate.
  • Local boy and budding Bruin killer Bobby Butler scored. A guy in my row made sure to let everyone around us know that he & Butler were buds and hung out, played, etc.
  • A brief "we want the Cup" chant started towards the end of the game. A bit premature for that.
  • Recchi just keeps passing milestones with each game he plays. Today, he passed Chris Chelios for 4th all-time in games played. Chris Chelios can lick my balls.
  • Bulldogs going for it all tonight in the Frozen Four Final vs. Michigan. The 'dogs have a power play to behold. Quoth a 311 member, "I see that power play, I get instant wood."
  • McQuaid is, like, a flannel shirt and a Subaru away from being the Bruins first lesbian hockey player or something. His "cuts for a cause" buzz cut mullet hairdo is something else I tell ya.
  • Paille! with another goal! Amazing pass from Soupy and Paille crashing the net with his stick on the ice, can't argue with any of that. Where is this coming from?

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

B's Collapse

So the B's collapsed under the weight of their own bullshit last night, losing to the Rangers in the 3rd period, 5-3.
  • Ryan Callahan got a broken ankle from a Chara slapshot.
  • Dirty goal from Paille, crashing the net. He's picked up his game of late. This morning's T&R had some spieling between the hosts and Haggs there, Haggs was thinking that Paille's the only one who actually played a 60 minute game last night, while everyone loafed after getting the 3-0 lead. Shit, I thought it was "game over", especially given the fact that the Rangers can't score. Paille pisses me off, but I can say he's at least trying. Someone else, I forget who, brought up the point that Seguin is too friggin scared to play dirty in the corners. Ryder and Paille can do the dirty work in the corners. I dunno. Paille can kill penalties, too. I'm thinking if the series is tied, 2-2, you won't see Seguin in the lineup. But if we're up 3-0 (ha) or down 0-3, you'll see Seguin in there to fool around.
  • Time to fire Cload. 311'ers were noting over email today that if the B's play the Caps in the 2nd round, it's pretty much Boudreau vs. Cload, since both coaches will be sacked if their respective teams do not advance beyond that round.
  • Wait. Why are you reading this blog? You should be at Days of Y'orr, which has more creative photoshops in 1 post than I could compose in 1 year.
Metaphor for B's collapse. Enjoy.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

B's win, 3-2

See what I did there? I was working some jedi mind-shit when I called out Ryder's shootout skillz the other day. And today he scores the winning goal on a penalty shot.
  • Really, though, not a good game. The return of Wheels (missed the net on a 2-on-1 breakaway) and Stuart did not yield much. Stuey got a bigger ovation than Wheels. Wheels managed to stay onside for his new club.
  • To no one's surprise, Marchand won the 7th player. Was a few years ago when the winner used to be able to give a speech - I remember Raycroft thanking his girlfriend or something and all the chicks in the crowd booed that.
  • Paille, actually showing some finish for once to go with his speed, scoring a nice shorthanded goal after Bogosian coughed it up at the goal line.
  • Hnidy's first game back. Didn't do terrible, I think he had 3 shots in about 14 minutes of play.
  • Rask looked retahded on the Bufflin (too lazy to spell...) goal. Rebound up and over his head, down his back. Derrrrrr.
  • Oh yeah, we clinched the NE Division title.

Friday, April 1, 2011

B's Lose in SO, 4-3

Someone please put Toronto out of their misery, huh? The Bruins could have done some good by pounding this team down, stepping on their neck in order to sweeten that draft pick. But, the B's are laying down now that the 3rd seed is all but wrapped up.
  • HOLY SHIT, if I have to see Cload drop the ball when it comes to shooters in the shoot-out, I'm gonna freak. Ryder is NOT shootout material, not when a hack like me can figure out that, if he even gets it on net at all, he's going low glove. "Hands guys", Cload - send Krejci, Bergeron, and Seguin EVERY TIME. Cload is as soft as puppy shit when it comes to Ryder.
  • Seguin, pushing around Luke Schenn in a scrum. Better pick on someone smaller, kid. Schenn would ruin you. But at least Seguin's pretending to get pissed.
  • Kessel, throwing a punch at Marchand. Oh, that woulda been good. According to the Herald, Marchand did a fake golf swing in front of the TOR bench. I missed it. But that's an awesome move. Kessel got a lot of boos last night, but no "Kessel sucks" chants.
  • No Horton/Phaneuf III tonight. They really hate each other, it's awesome.
  • Yeah, losing to the Rangers 1-0 was lame - I dodged the game to go skiing (Dumont Cup, right, where the announcer makes up the moves the freestylers do on the spot, I swear, right, "oh, he just did a fakie back-side 1260 spongecake with a dab of cool whip". shutthefuckup, asswipe.) Lundqvist OWNS the B's, so I'm not terribly looking forward to that matchup in the playoffs.
  • Holy shit, the organist kicked into "Brass Bonanza" the other night, I almost hurled. It's like a mating call for the male Whaler fan when he seeks the companionship of basement-dwelling, Crisco-eatin' female Whaler fans.
  • The 3-0 win by the B's over the B'hawks had to be possibly the most complete win I've witnessed all season, maybe even better than the pee-pee smackin' the B's gave the Habs a week earlier. I dunno. It was just a damn fine game.
  • Note that Resident NHL Commie Andrew Ference follows Arsenal. As we all know, futbol is for commies. (caveat emptor, LGT American Thinker. Wear a rubba.)
  • Dennis Wideman has a hematoma.
  • Stan Jonathan at the game last night. The original #17 barely got a standing ovation, as the pink hats in the crowd said "who?" in between mugging for the jumbotron and dicking around with their iphones. Pound-for-pound, one of the toughest dudes to play for the B's, I can't embed this video enough onto this blog. Here he is, destroying Pierre Bouchard's face. Poetry.