B's Finish the Deal; Flyers Next

yay camera phone. I guess.

So in case you haven't heard, or can't tell by the "awesome" photo above, the Bruins turned out the light on the Habs Wednesday night.

• Some sort of moratorium on ripping on the B's power play immediately following the game, as for once, the Boston sports media opted to not dwell on the negative and actually enjoy a victory.
• But are you kidding me? 0-for-21 power play? Brian Burke is pleasuring himself to viewings of its ineffectiveness. Every time Kaberle goofed up a play at the blue line or got the yips in the corners, Burke just poured himself another whiskey and grinned.
• Jeff Halpern, who got thumped into the end of the glass, then decided to skate into Ference's shoulder, I think ended up inadvertently tipping in Nathan Horton's shot. Jeff Halpern, you suck.
• Subban's a total diver and a putz, but he's good and he's going to be around for awhile. Deal with it. At least you have someone to focus your hate on, the torch has been passed from Hab assholes of the past (Guy Carbonneau, Stephane Richer, Lyle Odelein, shit this list truly could be infinite. Did I already mention Guy Carbonneau?).
  

In no particular order, comments on the individual performances:

• Playoff MVP: Gotta give this one to Bergeron. The guy had a monster series, winning 110% of the faceoffs and best of all, always moving his feet, unsatisfied and fighting for that extra inch ("we claw! with our FINGA-NAILS for that inch!"). Bergeron "gets it", folks. I don't know if it's the early influence of Martin Lapointe (heh) or the current influence of greybearded, brass-balled Recchi (playing through kidney stones; getting his blood swapped for new blood, Keith Richards-style, during the Carolina series), but anyone who doesn't think Bergeron is the face and cornerstone of this franchise should make their way to the cracker factory. I'm ready to hoist #37 to the rafters. When Recchi retires, he's going to will that wheelbarrow he uses to cart around said brass balls to Bergeron, "here you go, you've earned this". Okay, enough with the balls.
  
• Playoff LVP: Kaberle. A caller to the sportshub recently called out Felger, et al. by correctly pointing out that we should not have expected much, defensively-speaking, from Kaberle. He's a bring-the-puck-up defenseman who can pass well and aid the power play. And in speaking with a Maple Leaf fan yesterday, he agreed, basically saying that Kaberle is as soft as puppy shit in his own zone, but silky smooth offensively. I guess we're just going to have to give it a little more time for Kaberle...during a part of the season where time is of the essence. I dunno.
• Playoff SoLVP: "sort of least valuable player". Ryder. Dude, love the goals, love the quick release, and that glove save was the shit of legend, but completely sick of your "enigmatic" (KPD) ways. The dude's playing for a contract and still can't get his dick hard for 17 minutes a night on the ice. Start Seguin, start Caron, start your mom. Bench Ryder.
• Playoff MVP the more I think about it: Andrew Ference. Admit it - his goal and middle finger to the Habs fans was the turning point of the series. Right now, the action could be characterized as classless, or whatever, but the B's were down, 3-1 at that point and nothing was going our way. Ference skates into a rolling puck, puts the force of the Warsaw Pact behind a blistering бомба over Carey's glove, then flips off the Bell Centre crowd. It would have been unforgettably badass if Ference owned up to it, but I suspect he was trying to keep the action from being bulletin board material. Plus the guy just competes in the corners despite his midget, commie-like ways. Also, 2 assists in the series clincher.
• Very close to being Playoff MVP: Chris Kelly. Who knew? The guy's no dummy and finally delivers as advertised: PJ Axelsson with better finish.
• I'm impressed with his speed: Rich Peverley. Can't help but feel a little bit British whenever I say "Peverley", but yeah, anyway, he's worth putting down the game-time donut when he rushes up the ice.
• What a beast: Had a rough start to the series, but Dennis Seidenberg is just awesome and I don't think we've yet seen just how good he is.
• WTF?: Lootch...coasting thru the zone, looking passive, waiting for a pass instead of making shit happen.

Things to look forward to in the 2nd round versus the Flyers:

• Hating Chris Pronger: and Hartnell, and Giroux, and "Hot Carle"...
• Daniel Briere is a whiny bitch: It didn't end with the Habs - the Flyers got their own weenie who wears a visor, cries to the refs, slashes people when the refs aren't looking, is small and quick, and is a pure Bruins killer. Remember the two-hander to Franz Nielsen's head?
  
• We will probably make their goaltending look awesome: Sadly, we're going to make whoever stands between the pipes for the Flyers look like Thomas' competition for the Vezina. Unless we start Seguin. After Seguin starts averaging 2 points/game, cures for AIDS, cancer, and all that stuff will be found, plus world peace, end of poverty and hunger, struggle, strife, etc.
  
• Flyers fans are subhuman: Watch out for the batteries, folks. Always Sunny in Philadelphia isn't kidding. Everyone in that town really is that dumb.
• The Flyers are shit, but at least they'll step up: aside from the aforementioned Briere, who usually has Carcillo or others doing his dirty work for him, everyone on the Flyers will show up and back up anything they try to do.

I was wrong as usual

Habs fan, duly ostracized for his allegiance to the bleu, blanc, et rouge

So my prediction of the B's caving in last night did not come true, as the B's, as we all know by now, slapped the Habs away in double OT last night, 2-1. My prediction was way off ("Samsonite!") , and as any frequent reader of this site, all 20 of you (hi mom), know, I know nothing about the game.
Seriously, though, what could I possibly add to the dialogue some 22 hours after the fact? Ryder made a ridiculous street hockey (deck hockey or road hockey to you hosers) save, Chara made a leg/toe save, Ference is becoming even more clutch these days by working around the Lootch pick to put a soft ("20 km/h" in Ference's SI-unit-lovin'-commie-speak; this converts to 12.4 mph) shot onto Price for Horton to bang in the rebound, plus Timmy's retahded save on Gionta. Plus all the other stuff.

• Lootch looks hurt, I'm telling ya. He's not initiating contact, he's just coasting around on the ice, setting up at the hash marks and waiting for someone to pass to him. I dunno.
• Cammallerrii fans in Row 9 last night. They were older folks, wore #13 with pride, took the loss quietly, then went home and cried on their bright red, maple leaf-shaped pillows. Actually, more Habs fans in the stands than games 1 & 2. They cheered somewhat loud when Jim Halpert, I mean Jeff Halpern (Jeff Halpern? are you fucking kidding me?) scored to tie the game at 1. We had a couple Habs fans in our row last night, they were quiet, only went thru the row to take one of the hundreds of their smoke breaks in the stairwell.
  
• I finally got home, last night flipped on The Fly, and there was the post-game presser with Horton sporting a massive perma-grin. He seemed truly pleased at winning.
  
• Flyers beat Buffalo today. Gross.
• I saw a Habs fan in a Jan Bulis #38 jersey last night. Jan Bulis? Really? That might be up there with, say, a Peter Douris #16 jersey or something.
  

Dude, where's my power play?

Okay, so the B's finally played a good game. They were cornered by the Habs after shaming us over the weekend.

• The Bruins' power play has to be the suckiest thing that ever sucked. They spend nearly the whole power play trying to break into the zone or fighting for it along the half-wall. It's just sad. The Bruins need to start declining penalties like football.
• So nice to have Chara back. I'm not sure if Game 2 was 100% because of Chara's absence, but for some reason it all got better last night.
• Why do they hate us? Bruins would have been better served to finish 8th this season as they continue to prove that they are one of the best road teams in the league. You see, this only sets it up so they can, for the 3rd straight year, lose a playoff series on home ice in front of their beloved fans. They will lose Games 4 & 5. Why do they hate us?
• Jack & Brick were in rare form last night. Sure, Jack was his usual, loony self and that's just fine - typical Jack. But Brick, being the local boy that he is PLUS having played with the B's in the late 80's, carries deep in his soul an intense hatred of the Canadiens.
• Look, I'd send Ryder to the bench, and maybe even Paille/Thornton and bring in Seguin and/or Caron. Caron would love to play in front of his hometown team, he has a willingness to get dirty and play in front of the net - why not let him play? I think Caron has become the forgotten guy at this point. Let him get sloppy with Gill out in front, see what happens.
  

No, not that Caron

• Holy shit, the guy who sings the anthems for the Habs, Charles Prevost Linton, he sings the US anthem too fast. Here's a pic of him from a few years ago, check out that shrub growing on his head. HEEEEEEED. It's like Sputnik - spherical, yet quite pointy in parts.
  

• Also notable was Ference's dustup with Pouliot. Pouliot came in high on a hit, Ference found him, and they threw down. Good stuff there.

My Personal Top 5 NHLers Who Should be/have been Bruins

My own personal list of hard-nosed players who I feel fit the Bruins' mold. Yeah, sure, we'd love the Crosbys and such, but there are others who I feel could fit right in, make a contribution, kick a little ass...

MIKE RUPP Pittsburgh Penguins 6'-5" 230lbs
Career stats: 497 games 49 goals 40 assists 656 PIM



Yeah, he's that "oh, shit" guy who can deliver crunching hits, throw down with anyone, and pop in about 10 goals a year. Classic 4th line center.

CHRIS NEIL Ottawa Senators 6'-1" 215lbs
Career stats: 659 games 77 goals 95 assists 1683 PIM

A total dick to play against, but this guy would just slip on the B's jersey and be at home instantly.

MIKE KOMISAREK Toronto Maple Leafs 6'-4" 243lbs
Career stats: 470 games 13 goals 59 assists 622 PIM

We all hate him for his Montreal years...and who could forget when Lootch pummeled his ass a few years ago. He quieted down after that, but his chippiness started to return this year as the Laffs blew just a little bit less this year. Deep inside this player is a Bruin waiting to come out - probably the only Hab worthy of wearing the spoked-B.

MICHAEL PECA Buffalo Sabres 5'-11" 183lbs
Career stats: 864 games 176 goals 289 assists 798 PIM

I remember him best during his Buffalo years. Did he ever win the Selke? Should have. His later years were plagued by injuries, but imagine PJ Axelsson with more balls, better finishing touch.



DION PHANEUF Toronto Maple Leafs 6'-3" 214lbs
Career stats: 470 games 85 goals 183 assists 644 PIM

He's another dick we love/hate to play against. Eastern Conference-type player, imagine him coming to Boston, playing for a real team, and flattening people in the corners. I went to look for Phaneuf hits on the youtube there, but it's like picking your children. Also, some of them are illegal now and we don't want to, uh, encourage that type of stuff.

RYAN KESLER Vancouver Canucks 6'-2" 202lbs
Career stats: 484 games 131 goals 157 assists 445 PIM

I saw this guy's game was for real during the 2010 Winter Olympics. Just a total force on the ice. I'd trade the entire Bruins roster and their draft picks for the next 10 years for Ryan Kesler.

B's Lose in SO, 4-3

Someone please put Toronto out of their misery, huh? The Bruins could have done some good by pounding this team down, stepping on their neck in order to sweeten that draft pick. But, the B's are laying down now that the 3rd seed is all but wrapped up.

• HOLY SHIT, if I have to see Cload drop the ball when it comes to shooters in the shoot-out, I'm gonna freak. Ryder is NOT shootout material, not when a hack like me can figure out that, if he even gets it on net at all, he's going low glove. "Hands guys", Cload - send Krejci, Bergeron, and Seguin EVERY TIME. Cload is as soft as puppy shit when it comes to Ryder.
• Seguin, pushing around Luke Schenn in a scrum. Better pick on someone smaller, kid. Schenn would ruin you. But at least Seguin's pretending to get pissed.
  
• Kessel, throwing a punch at Marchand. Oh, that woulda been good. According to the Herald, Marchand did a fake golf swing in front of the TOR bench. I missed it. But that's an awesome move. Kessel got a lot of boos last night, but no "Kessel sucks" chants.
• No Horton/Phaneuf III tonight. They really hate each other, it's awesome.
  
• Yeah, losing to the Rangers 1-0 was lame - I dodged the game to go skiing (Dumont Cup, right, where the announcer makes up the moves the freestylers do on the spot, I swear, right, "oh, he just did a fakie back-side 1260 spongecake with a dab of cool whip". shutthefuckup, asswipe.) Lundqvist OWNS the B's, so I'm not terribly looking forward to that matchup in the playoffs.
• Holy shit, the organist kicked into "Brass Bonanza" the other night, I almost hurled. It's like a mating call for the male Whaler fan when he seeks the companionship of basement-dwelling, Crisco-eatin' female Whaler fans.
  
• The 3-0 win by the B's over the B'hawks had to be possibly the most complete win I've witnessed all season, maybe even better than the pee-pee smackin' the B's gave the Habs a week earlier. I dunno. It was just a damn fine game.
  
• Note that Resident NHL Commie Andrew Ference follows Arsenal. As we all know, futbol is for commies. (caveat emptor, LGT American Thinker. Wear a rubba.)
• Dennis Wideman has a hematoma.
• Stan Jonathan at the game last night. The original #17 barely got a standing ovation, as the pink hats in the crowd said "who?" in between mugging for the jumbotron and dicking around with their iphones. Pound-for-pound, one of the toughest dudes to play for the B's, I can't embed this video enough onto this blog. Here he is, destroying Pierre Bouchard's face. Poetry.
  

B's win

The B's woke up from their slumber and beat the Devils, 4-1.

• Goals by Lootch, Recchi (en), Chara, Thornton. Since Chara knocked out Pacioretty, he has been on a bit of a scoring tear. Okay, I just checked. Maybe not. 2-5-7 +4 totals in the last 7 games.
• Thought we were in for another Devils/B's snoozer, you know, with teams combining for 25 shots the entire game. Not to be had, as the Devils outshot the B's something like 503 to 3 in the 1st period. Most of the Devils shots did not produce rebounds, Thomas just gobbled them up and got faceoffs.
• BUT we finally scored a PP goal, now we're 2 for our last, what, 4,905. Lootch set up Chara with a nice pass. Bergeron also made a bit of a circus pass to Lootch for Lootch's goal, making the pass against his own momentum.
  
• Mahk Recchi, stirring the shitstorm yesterday on Felga & Mazz. (Mazz is not funny, btw. He is the worst of typical nerdboy hangers-on. Never good enough to start for the high school football team (or even make the team), he decided to write about it so he could get in close on the action, get close to the players. sycophant, he is. That's what so weird about sportswriters these days - trying to be as big as the players themselves. It reminds me of Lester Bangs and how he make rock 'n roll journalism better than rock 'n roll itself at times. HE was the rock star, not the clown he was writing about. The difference being that Bangs is good and Mazz, et al. are less than good. Also, ESPN really sucks. Really, who GIVES A SHIT about college ball??? Just that d-bag in your office who still reads Bill Simmons (and not ironically, either) and still talks about his bracket. Look, no one cares about the bracket unless they're in the money and the only reason they're in the money is pure luck. "gee I really thought State University of Basketweaving was gonna beat CU of North Texas". College hoops and College football are hugely retarded. But I did fill out my frozen four bracket with NDAK going all the way.) What was I talking about before going on some convoluted, incomprehensible, baseless rant? oh yeah. Recchin ball alleged that the Habs exaggerated Pacioretty's (sick of typing that name) injury in order to get Chara suspended. Yeah, probably their abilities for diving/embellishment extend right up from the ice to ownership & management.
• I don't think there will be any funny stuff tonight. Maybe 1 or 2 fights or something, but it'll be closely officiated (first four penalties on the B's, easy) with the B's being shorthanded most of the game.
  

Don Cherry HNIC

Nilan Butt-end

Check about 1:30 of the video.

Bruins losing, 3-2

As this post goes to press (ha), the B's are playing a sloppy game vs. the Isles. Isles are a sad-sack team but they're playing like they got nothing to lose...so why not.

To start, let's witness some of the Canadiens' greatest "hits".

Just think of any Canadien dirtbag of the past 25-30 years and do a youtube search.

Chris Chelios (whose career is a highlight reel of cheap hits) on Brian Propp:



Pacioretty boards Eaton




Lapierre on Nichol




Latendresse on DiMaio



Mon dieu! Hockey is a violent sport - was there an investigation after this? Shit, I think this is only a "part 1" of the Battle of Quebec.



Pat LaFontaine's career ended by concussions. Certainly this high hit by Guy Carbonneau didn't help.



Martinson sucker punches Byers



Who can forget that dickslap Petr Svoboda?



Brian Skrudland lays out Don Sweeney with an elbow/shoulder to the chops.



Patrice Brisebois (breeze-by) hits Darcy Tucker, Tucker's head goes right into the boards. Okay, Tucker probably had it coming...

• Last night, as the puck went thru Seidenberg's legs at the point on the power play, a 311-er exclaimed, "dammit, Wideman-berg"
• Bruins released the St. Patrick's Day hats. Drab, olive-green military-style baseball caps with spoked-B in front, TD Bank in bank. I sense a Ference influence here, wanting the B's fans to resemble Fidel Castro.
• The Matt Bartkowski era needs to end.
• So the corporations that have so far threatened to pull sponsorship of the NHL, Via Rail & Air Canada, are both based out of Montreal. OUTRAGE! We were wronged!!!
• Yeah, B's lost to the Islanders. Horrible.
• Seriously, Montreal is a one-team, one-sport town. Folks who got nothing to do but follow just that team. The Alouettes aren't playing, so all there is to do is to get drunk, eat some Timbits and poutine, and whine about the Canadiens and their perception of the team as hockey royalty.
• The game on 3/24 at the Garden is gonna be huge. Homeland Security threat level color(s) will go from orange to bleu, blanc et rouge and the pat-downs we got last night before the Sabres game will be nothing in comparison. I'm actually wondering if they'll have Habs/B's legends do some sort of PSA before the game so the Boston fans don't clobber anyone during/after the game. They did a PSA when all that booing the national anthems thing was going on a few years back. The bitch of it is, is that there isn't going to be some sort of Chara vs. the Habs thing, or Chara vs. Gill (wouldn't that be humorous?), but probably someone on the Habs will take a run at a smaller Bruin forward like Krejci, knock him out, then things get really ugly.
  

Heritage Classic

An outdoor matchup in front of 41,000 screaming, half-frozen hosers at McMahon Stadium in Calgary featured the Flames beating down the Habs, 4-0.

• I like watching the Habs lose in front of a national audience.
• Hal Gill sucks.
  
• Local boy Andy Brickley doing the color commentary for the Versus network. While Jack Edwards is regarded as one of the loonier play-by-play guys in the NHL, our own Andy Brickley has emerged as being one of the best color guys covering the NHL today. There was an uptick to the give-a-shit index here at the 311 newsroom because Brick was covering the game.
• Carey Price with a mask/helmet done in the style of Jacques Plante, really looked more creepy than being a tribute. It's the stuff from which bad dreams are made.
  
• No zamboni. I forget why (too cold, weight would crack ice or something? I'm too lazy to look it up*), but dudes were shoveling and hosing down the ice between periods. I guess as the sun went down in Calgary, it got wicked cold. Weather.com had Calgary temps at 15F. WIMPS.
• Folks at tsn.ca love to call Boston, "Beantown". Anyone you know locally who calls Boston, "Beantown"? It's like...how to spot an out-of-towner...they call it "Beantown". "Beantown" etymology; also, here.
  

*it's this kind of ace journalism that makes Vf311 the best blog in town.

Simply Awful

Habs Hate Kostitsyn, too

Bob Mackenzie of TSN reports that the Habs don't know what to do with the recalcitrant Sergei Kostitsyn. I dunno, something about a vicious slap-fight that erupted at Habs practice between Carey Price and Kostitsyn, with Price's finely manicured nails scratching up Kostitsyn's face pretty good.

Woof.

For 2 weeks, we had been exposed to world-class Olympic hockey. Top-skilled players performing at a stunning level. Last night, Section 311 crashed back down to Earth, as our Bruins - who haven't won at the Garden since last year, lost to the Habs, 4-1. The B's started off "just okay", managing to get a power play goal from Sturm (shot by Chara, then Sturm at the crease reaching around/over Price to poke it in for his 19th of the season). But then the 3rd period came, the Habs started to play harder, and the B's caved in.
random crap

• New Bruins killer: ex-Bruin Glen Metropolit. He scored again, had an assist, got #1 star. I believe he has scored in every game this season against us. I still can't summon enough hate for the guy - he was one of the guys who hustled back when the B's sucked. No, that other time the B's sucked.
  
• More Habs fans than usual at the Garden for this game - the redshirts had stayed away for the previous 2 games, but fresh off their gold medal they all plotted to come to Boston in their buses and invade.
• Wideman just looks horrible out there. Krejci had 3 "wtf!" shifts where he showed flashes of the old Krejci.
• Almost had a rumble in 311 - some season ticket holder a few rows in front of us started jawing at Cam Neely (yeah, he can hear you from the press box), and some of us got annoyed and let him know. He took offense, then saw that the 311 posse was something like 10 persons with a combined strength of over a thousand Mark Stuarts, and he backed off.
• No "Hal Gill sucks" chants. Where hath our ballz gone, when there's no "Hal Gill sucks" chants?