Friday, January 28, 2011

Plan the Parade Route

Put Mayor Menino on notice, he better start planning the parade route for June. Lord Stanley's Cup is coming. Now even the most optimistic of Bruins fans will laugh at this, but here are ten reasons why this team could have the goods in no particular order:

#1 Tim Thomas. Not since Dominik Hasek's days in Buffalo has the Vezina race been over by the all-star break. He has been absolutely dominant. Hopefully Tuukka gets more reps down the stretch to keep Timmy fresh for the postseason. Timmy was outplayed by Cam Ward two years ago in the 2nd round after his first Vezina season, but I have a different feeling about him this time around. He is so focused and so sharp that he seems to have reached another level.

#2 The Bruins are behind only Vancouver and Philadelphia in goal differential on the season. And they are 6th in the league in goals per game! It was much discussed that they were 30th on offense last season of course. They also have the fewest goals against and are on their way to another Jennings trophy this year. So, they have the balanced O and the solid D - a formula for playoff success. As we know, when David Krejci went down in Game 3 last year against the Flyers, we lost that balanced O and then lost the series. Losing Savard really hurts - though his numbers don't show it, it was him getting it going that spurred this team into playing incredibly well since xmas. He was just about to break out before Hunwick sent him back to Peterborough. I'm hoping he takes the rest of the season off for his own good.

#3 The Bruins are the best 3rd period team in the league this season. Only Vancouver has scored more goals in the 3rd so far this season (62 to 61), but our B's have only allowed 31 goals against for a +30 differential. The Canucks are 2nd best with a +23. What does this mean? That when the game is on the line, the Bruins are at their best. They show that playoff "gear" in the third period.

#4 Playoff experience. Most of the guys have been through the four playoff rounds the past two seasons (five over the past three). Philadelphia and Pittsburgh are the only two teams with more recent experience in the East. This could be worth a key win or two.

#5 Shootouts suck. If not for the shootout and overtime, the Bruins would be even safer in the standings. For example - let's say every game that goes to OT counts as a tie - no extra points. Here's the Bruins and Habs:

Boston - 26-15-9: 61 points
Montreal - 22-18-10: 52 points

The Bruins are 2-7 in games going to the extra session. Only Phoenix and Ottawa have a lower winning % in the entire league. But guess what, 4-on-4 OT and shootouts don't apply in the postseason so the Bruins are clearly among the elite even though they don't bring a consistent effort on a nightly basis which leads to...

#6 We'll get a consistent effort from the boys in the postseason. The majority of the frustration with watching this team this year is the occasional night off they take (unfortunately usually on home ice). OK fine, it's frustrating when we pay money to watch them as season ticket holders and they drop stinkers at home like against the Wild and the Sabres this past month, but count me among the many that would rather see a few stinkbombs at home during the regular season if it means the boys are ready to go come April. Two years ago after that fantastic regular season, the team may have shot their wad. As we all know, no wads have been shot yet this season.

#7 Big Z is healthy. I love this guy. To all of those Bruins fans who boo him when he doesn't keep a puck in at the blueline: go fuck yourselves! He's in the conversation for the Norris yet again. To those idiots who berate him: Watch players bounce off him in the defensive zone or how many times he calmly shields a guy off and gets the puck to the open man or breaks up a play with his reach. Also, watch opposing forwards have second thoughts when they go into his corner. He's tasked with matching up against the top offensive players every night and he leads the team in +/- at a +22 (tied for 4th best in the entire league).

#8 Patrice Bergeron. This may be his Stevie Y season in the playoffs. The kid is ready to carry a team to a critical win or two. His concussion is finally a distant memory and he is playing great hockey.

#9 Contributions from the young kids. Brad Marchand is the perfect kind of player for the playoffs - you could make a Claude Lemieux comparison. He's going to draw some big penalties and chip in offensively. I can see Tyler pulling a Kessel circa 2008: Claude benching him for not bringing it and him coming back to score a big goal or two. He has the skills that all he needs is a moment to change a game in the Bruins favor.

#10 Forward depth. The depth up front is far better than the past two years. I think Soupy can step up to the 3rd line center role that was filled by Vladdy last year. That's what carried the Bruins over Buffalo was three lines that were going then Vladdy tweaked his shoulder late in that series and then we lost Krejci and then it was over. Bergy/Krejci/Soupy up the middle is a lot better than what we had last year. There is also more firepower on their flanks than what was sent out there last year: gone will be Satan, 60% Lucic, Paille (no way he makes the playoff roster), Begin, 30% Savvy. In steps Nathan Horton, 100% Lucic, Tyler Seguin, Brad Marchand, and Gregory Campbell. That is an enormous step up.

I also want Peter to go out and get a blueliner for the playoff run if Savvy's cap number is indeed freed up due to LTIR as it probably will be. Hopefully Providence can take care of forward depth - maybe they'll look to add one depth guy up front, but it certainly won't be a high-priced guy one would think (replace Paille's salary). Spend the money on the blueline!

Reserve the duck boats, paint those traffic barriers so they're nice and shiny, and start producing the ticker-tape.

I'll be the first to admit I'm foolishly optimistic, but why not.

Monday, January 24, 2011

10:30pm start time...zzzzz

Yeah, right. No way I'm making it to opening faceoff tonight.
  • B's are ranked #1 in TSN's power rankings today.
  • It's official - Savvy has been diagnosed with a concussion
  • Have you seen this NHL Guardian Project thing? I guess comic book legend guy Stan Lee has taken each of the teams and turned them into some sort of comic book hero based on the mascot and the city. "The Bruin" is wicked smaht and roars really loud. Well, anyway, there's supposed to be some sort of, uh, presentation during the All-Star game where the projections of the characters, uh, save the folks in the arena from something (Bett Man?). I dunno, I read the story all half-assed and can't even form an opinion on it, except it sounds a little goofy though the renderings are somewhat badass. My hope is that the Canadiens super hero is true to form - an undersized diving fop.
  • The Whaler Fan should be drawn as a super villian - a thixotropic mass of whale blubber that hibernates in its mom's basement until it is feeding time, where it slimes up the stairs and feasts/terrorizes towns. Kinda like an acne-ridden T-1000, but made of lard instead of liquid steel.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

B's Pound Nordiques, 6-2

Bruins shook off the jet lag and clobbered the Nordiques this afternoon, 6-2. The B's started out real slow until Soupy decided to take on Kirk McLean. The fight was pretty much average as far as Soup's performance, but it woke up the team and they played really well right after that. Caught a few bounces, etc. but it was all good.
  • Wheeler seemed to not play bad today. They should just rotate shitty-playing forwards with Thornton & Soupy so they can re-educate on how to play in the corners.
  • Marchand continues to make everyone around him play better. 2 goals, 2 assists, +4 for Marchand today. Set up Recchi with a gorgeous pass, faking out everyone around, Recchi put it in an empty net.
  • Lootch coming alive, scored 2 goals today. Hasn't fought in awhile, I think someone's gotta pay one of these days.
  • Jeez, Adam Foote still plays. For some reason, that franchise likes to have this vestige from the days of Le Colisee chugging around the ice.

Adam Foote, waaaay back before he was washed up.
  • I'm really sick of Cumby's throttling of the gas pumps.
  • Mahk S'vahd got hit by old friend Matt Hunwick during the game - shoulder to the head, head to the boards/dasher. Savvy looked like he was in some serious pain, didn't return. What's his damage, why can't he avoid getting his head in the way? Might be time for a visor.
  • Peter Forsberg. YEAH RIGHT.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Horton Needs a Beatin'

Minnesota mused last night, "just watch Nathan Horton during his entire shift. He just kind of skates around, watches things happen, doesn't hit anyone, doesn't engage anyone in any puck battles..."

Nathan Horton (6'-2", 230lbs) was directly responsible for 2 of Buffalo's 4 goals last night as the B's lost, 4-2. Horton needs to spend some time on the bench and de-Wheeler-ize himself a bit. So does Seguin. Seguin is completely chicken-shit out there. These guys simply do not want to work in the corners. They make me long for the days of Peter Schaefer and his crazy work in the corners. Suck as he may, Schaefer always emerged from the corners with the puck. Which just goes to show you how important our 4th line is. Without Thornton, Campbell, and whoever's been busted to 4th line duty due to suckage (right now it's Wheeler), the B's would much easier to play against.

Why does this team hate us? They play great on the road (14-5-4) and suck balls at home (12-9-3).

I had written (yet another) substandard post last night briefly discussing the B's sweep of the Whalers. I clicked "publish post", then fell asleep, nothing came up. You're not missing much. Speaking of which, saw a Ron Francis Whaler jersey last night in 309. Horrible. I didn't attend the MLK day matinee, probably a good thing, what, with the restraining order imposed upon me by the pasty-white Whaler fan collective.

Chiarelli loves, as revealed Wednesday on Toucher 'n Rich. "They're usually wrong, but they're really good. But they're usually wrong."

Check out this cool panoramic photo of the Garden before a B's game from what looks like Section 312 or 313. (from Universal Hub)

The disparity between the won-loss records of Rask and Thomas is just plain wild. Thomas is heading towards a record-setting season (22-4-6), and could come close to challenging the modern (within the past 30 years) record.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

B's Lose

Too many things peeved me yesterday about the B's 3-2 loss to Pittsburgh. I think I have to start taking pills before games so Wheeler's constant suck-ocity doesn't cause me to lash out. Let the irrationality begin:
  • Crotchfruit central. Matinee game vs. a marquee opponent means we get a lot of Sunday drivers out there - folks who've never seen a hockey game who just sit there and buy their crotchfruit every morsel of food available. Today was the 2nd straight game that we had a Row 10 infant. Kid had to be, what, 5 days old? The B's power play drought was older than this kid.
  • Marchand started the game out right, laying out Malkin with a delicious hit at the B's blue line.
  • Matt Cooke with 2 assists. You gotta be shitting me. The fact that this guy still skates around the Garden ice without being killed blows my mind. Boychuk tried to start with him in the 1st period, but in typical Cooke fashion, he ran away. Cooke needs to be lying unconscious and bleeding on the Garden ice like a walleye.
  • Kris Letang starting shit with Krejci after the whistle. You gotta be shitting me. Kris Lefuckingtang? What, now that he's a first-team all-star, Letang now thinks he's got the legs to just randomly start some crap with Krejci - arguably the most docile Bruin on the roster? Someone needs to straighten Letang out. What was his suspension/fine for the hit he did on Spezza....? What further irritated me was during this 1-on-5 scrum at the net, all the B's were skating away for a line change or a new Mary Kay catalog, and Kraytch-bomb is in there all alone, crashing the net, and facing the music from the Pens' d-men. And they wonder why the fans can't get behind this team?
  • Interesting fight between Soupy & Adams. Adams fought well, Soupy finished strong with 3 punches that landed.
  • Bruins power-less play continues as the most pathetic in the league, given a 4-minute power play after Depuis broke Kampfer's nose, no scoring, barely any shots.
  • Asshole sitting in Row 12 complaining that we were standing up during the Soupy/Adams fight. One 311'er pointed out, "you can stand up, too, ya know"
  • Asshole sitting in Row 10 with his "throwback" Crosby jersey on. One of us asked him, "you from Pittsburgh?" He said no, he was from NH but he lived in Pittsburgh for 5 years. What a frontrunner - surely your migration to Shittsburgh and defection to the Penguins was right in time with Crosby's drafting. I wonder if he owns a Pirates jersey? Yeah, probably not. Then he actually started to take offense to folks yelling out that Crosby sucks, etc. Buddy, you come to a game wearing that jersey, complaining about the comments is like complaining about getting wet if you go outside during a rainstorm. Clearly, you invite the comments by wearing the jersey so just lube up, lay down, and take the trash-talk. To be incredulous, to be in disbelief of the comments is to be an attention-whoring shithead. Say what you want about Habs fans, and believe me, I have, but at least they don't cry when they show up at the games wearing their Lyle Odelein jersey and get some trash-talk set their way.
Lyle Odelein. Ugh.
  • Dave Engelland hitting Savard with an elbow and no retaliation at all from the B's. Engelland loves to fight and barely has any other skill, surely someone could have done something about this.
  • Wow, Paille really sucks. He ruins everything he touches. Send him away, bring back Caron for the 4th line. He doesn't have the size & grit for 4th line duty.
  • Seidenberg on the power play. Apparently CLOAD has lost confidence in Boychuk? or something? and now we got Seidenberg thinking he's friggin Nick Lidstrom out there. Then again, 2 assists yesterday. Might be worth a fantasy pickup
  • Savard, lollygagging on the line changes. Puts his stick up and coasts to the bench during on-the-fly line changes. MOVE YOUR FEET, SAVVY.
"What's that make them?" "Lollygaggers."

  • Think there's any team out there that would like to give us a top-4 d-man for Wheeler? I think Seguin's been hanging out with Wheeler too much. Seguin really slacked during yesterday's game, made some dumb, Wheeler-esque passes and decisions. They probably take afternoon naps together, play with Wheeler's dog, and all the other lame hobbies Wheeler does that typifies his lazy, have-no-care, breezy, wuss-like nature. Wheeler's dog is probably some wee dog that sits in his lap while Wheels drives around. Dog probably wears this tiny-ass dog sweater while it still shivers. OR, he's just got some lazy-ass bulldog that just sleeps when it's not eatin' or crappin'...and when confronted by another dog, it just pees down its leg, much like its owner.

Friday, January 14, 2011

I Want Matt Cooke

This turd is public enemy #1

In my estimation, this idiot has yet to pay for what he did to Marc Savard.  I think tomorrow is the perfect time for him to pay his dues.  The Bruins are riding some serious momentum right now after a thrilling win last night. If not for the disparity between Tim Thomas and Brian Boucher, that could have been a 7-3 loss instead of a 7-5 win, but we'll take it.  What better way to build on this momentum than to beat Pittsburgh AND have Matt Cooke answer for his actions all in one afternoon.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011



"I didn't know they did that in Boston, but apparently they do." - David Amber on "On The Fly" - Ouch - Bruins fans: you've been sonned by David friggin Amber.

I'm not sure which section started the wave, but anyone with season tickets in that section should be called for questioning and perhaps placed on suspension.

All I know is Section 311 did not start it, nor did those of us who know better participate in the pink-hatted-ness.

Kudos to some dude who called in to Dave & Bob on the Sports Hub and complained about the wave.  To which DA quipped: "I guess the good news is that's all there is to complain about tonight."  True.  Nice effort by the B's, but that's no excuse for the wave.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Friday, January 7, 2011

More Horrible

Last night the B's gave an inconsistent effort en route to a 3-1 loss to the Wild. They simply could not find their way past them and Theodore had a relatively easy night.
  • Goal by Kampfer. Seemed really excited about scoring, tried to high five the crowd through the glass. We also thought Hunwick was pretty good when he first came up, too.
  • Assist to Savard on the Cal Clutterbuck go-ahead goal.
  • Wicked retarded call on Thornton there - Burns there, he loses an edge about 3 seconds after Thornton lightly hooks him, falls all the way down, ref waits a couple beats, then calls the penalty. Havlat scores a millisecond later. pure bullshit.
  • Ryder needs to be lit on fire.
  • Some Minnesota fans were causing some static last night. Folks inquired about the Vikings' season in retaliation. Eventually the cops came and got the Minny folks to settle down
  • Saw a Paille #20 jersey last night. whoa. That's almost like the time I saw an Alexei Zhamnov jersey a few years back. "hey, this guy, he's got a broken ankle, but he's gonna be good - I think I'll get his jersey" I bet that guy has a Brad Isbister jersey, too. Honestly, I can't stop talking about seeing a Zhamnov jersey - that's just messed up.
  • Holy shit, what a collapse by the Hoser in the World Juniors, ay? I fell asleep when the game was at 3-0, the gamed looked like it was the bag for the Hosers, and the Russkies scored 5 straight times to win it. Then they partied so hard they couldn't get on the plane to head home.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


This morning's 98.5 the Sportshub's interview w/ Chiarelli was at times amusing. He revealed that he takes notes during the games and rates each player's performance, then berates Cload the next day. He said he uses a 1 to 5 scale. He admitted to never giving a 1, but once gave out a 1.5. Funny - we do that here as well at Vf311, and I usually get yelled at pretty frequently for giving Wheeler a 1 for every game. Wheeler would pretty much have to cure all forms of cancer for me to consider him worthy of the spoked-B.
Hosers are beating the Russkies, 2-0 so far in the World Juniors. Bob Mackenzie is just losing his mind over Brayden Schenn. Schenn was born on my 14th birthday, WTF.
Ya know what really grinds my gears? People who use the phrase "my bad"; People who use comic sans font; That hyundai commercial with Pomplamoose; Anything to do with Brett Favre - good or bad; Carlos Mencia; How the gas pump always runs slow when it's cold out just so Tedeschi's can suck you into buying a coffee; The fact that Mobil charges extra at the pump for credit card purchases - what, a huge multinational like Mobil can't strike a deal with BoA and get the merchant fees waived?; People who complain about Tim Thomas' contract; People who rip Chara when they don't realize just how good he is; The fact that Ference gets a good contract and we can't do anything for Mark Stuart; Jack Edwards can't say "Kulikov" right; Bob Costas; Joe Buck trying to be like Bob Costas - Joe Buck is pure horrible; Semi-colon overuse; "meta"; Vampire Weekend; the super-thin aisles at Newbury Comics; players who don't finish their checks; getting stuck with shitty announcers for Pats games because the opponent is shitty; anyone who still thinks a cadillac is a good car...

Sunday, January 2, 2011


Ya know, I got some real issues sending our non-hands guys in for the shootout. Chara? Are you kidding me? When you got Krejci & Bergeron on the bench?

The B's lost the other night, 7-6 in a shootout. I can't even begin to describe the oddity of 3 pretty good goaltenders getting smoked for a combined 12 goals.

Strangely, the B's seem to be patting themselves on the back after gaining 8 out of 10 points on the recent road trip. I dunno. I wasn't exactly impressed with all of the games, it wasn't like it was five 6-2 wins with total domination, ya know? The division is weak, so 8 out of 10 is good, but I don't like how they won (or, nearly lost) each game. Was so certain that the Laffs were going to put one in with 10 seconds left or some junk like that because that's the way it's been lately.
  • I don't understand the logic of sending Ryder & Chara. Ryder, as usual, has nothing - he got lucky last night with his forehand wrister. Chara's got even less than nothing. He showed slapper and then attempted a wrister to go over Miller's blocker but hit him in the leg pad. Seguin returned to shootout form by smoking Miller with a backhand.
  • Jack Edwards lost his mind during the Seguin-to-Kampfer goal, pretty much saying that "Seguin has arrived" and all sorts of stuff like that. He's lost it. He's also gotta stop wearing the double-breasted suits that swim on him. He needs a new suit guy.
  • Hey, yeah, horrible officiating vs. the Sabres. Rask clearly had that puck tied up and the ref let the play continue and Stafford stuffed it in. Ference probably should have cleaned him out, but still.
  • Didn't see the WC but I guess the Pens lost, which is good. I'm quite sick of the league blowing Crosby at every turn. 4 Penguins made the All-Star team. Crosby & Malkin, fine, whatever. Marc Andre Fleury, who had a HORRIBLE start, and Kris Letang. Kris Lefuckingtang? Shootout specialist, fo' sho', but All-Star? Toews & Duncan Keith were the other 2 All-Stars named.
  • No Gerbe, No Kaleta the other night.
  • So last night the B's beat the Laffs, 2-1. Cload threw Rask out there to get him back on the horse and Rask did pretty good. Goals by Horton (wicked shot from the slot) and Savvy (wicked shot from the slot). Yeah, I was actually watching the world juniors, too until the Hosers went up 3-0 and stopped watching after that - it was ova at that point. It's still disappointing to hear all about these hotshot players and very few of them being property of the Bruins.
  • Savvy, startin' some shit in the corners before scoring his goal. Since he's not point-per-game these days, he's trying to compensate by roughing up folks after the whistle?
  • After the blizzard, I lost cable & internet for a week while Comcast spent some time trying to figure out its shit. Turns out that I had "too much signal" (+30 dB) after a new cable drop was installed. I guess the usual signal is about +/- 10 dB. Who knew? stick salute to my sister who let me crash at her house so I could view the B's games. I ate all of her food.
  • Check out this Jared Knight story at Kukla's Korner. Pretty sure he was one of the NKOTB, now he plays hockey...
  • B's come home to play the Wild on Thursday night. Chuck Kobasew has 6-1-7 totals in 24 games.
  • So the Florida Panthers have this promotion, ya, "We guarantee you'll have a good time, or your money back". holy shit, are you kidding me? Basically, you get a complimentary ticket if it's your birthday, or you're old, or a vet, or just graduated high school, or since we're talking Florida here, successfully nailed your sister.