Sunday, December 4, 2011

Corvo-based Rage

B's have lost 2 straight, with, as the Globe reported, suckbag Joe Corvo being on the ice for the last 3 goals let up.
  • Weird to see Joe Corvo drop 'em vs. Joey Crabb. Crabb hid behind his visor and Corvo wanted nothing to do with the fight. Corvo only fights chicks anyway. Or chicks with dicks, depending on whose story you believe.
  • The B's need more of that scary puck possession game like they played against Toronto, holding it into the zone for 2 minutes while the Marlies tried to figure out what's going on.
  • The Joe Corvo Suck Express has left the station, get on board with it - Fluto & Friends have been shitting on him, as they should have. Remember, 311 knew Corvo sucked right away.
  • Speaking of sucky, underperforming defensemen, Kaberle was traded to the Habs, which makes it more appropriate for us to boo him with impunity.
  • Paille was knocked out by Krys Barch with a weird check the other night. Soup & Thornton both tossed their mitts and Thornton ended up doing the dirty work. Boychuk had to take his medicine vs. Jack Skille and pretty much won that fight. Boyfuck wears a visor though...Paille is concussed and Caron will play vs. the Blue Jackets.
  • I heard "Shakedown Street" on the organ during intermission last week, what is up with that? That album cover mesmerized me for hours as a kid.
  • Fan of the game - have I complained about this yet? where some parent thrusts their month-old toddler in front of the camera so it can win a free pizza that it can't even yet? My guess is the Ice Chicks got one of them weedwacker blenders like you see at Buffett shows, puree the pizza, and spoon-force-feed the kid. So anyone wanting a free Pizzeria Uno pizza, bring your toddler kid to the game, have it do something innocent & kidlike, crowd goes "awwww" and boom, free pizza.
  • Nothing to report here with Seguingate, everyone thinks the dude is out carousing but c'mon, the plane landed at 2AM in the 'Peg, it was apparently 5 deg F out there, maybe he got shnockered in the hotel room but I don't think a gal was involved.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

B's Keep Pounding Ass

B's won the other night in a horrendously ugly matchup w/ the Blue Jackets, 2-1 (SO).
  • At the center of all things wrong in the world is none other than Bruins defenseman Joe Corvo. Every night this guy brings anywhere between 5 and 7 metric ass-tons of suckage to the rink. And not too far behind him is Kampfer. The tonnage of suckage he brings is still in its infancy, but he's done some weird things out there. Plus, he just gets torched all the time.
  • Speaking of Kampfer, you know this guy's a trouble magnet, right? Univ of Michigan, okay, and he's been assaulted TWICE.




Kampfer delivers a clean hit and some dude takes exception. The "history" the announcers are referring to is the attack he experienced earlier in the year at the hands of some Univ of Michigan football players. Also, this

  • Ben wa Pouliot finally gets off the schnide by scoring a goal. He's still got cheap Hab-its to break (stick is high a lot, some high hits; overall douchey-ness) but he is skating hard, so...
  • We hit, what, 1200 posts the other night? Rang iron all night, weird how that happens. Chara almost knocked the net off its moorings, as did Horton with a wicked wrista to the crossbah.
  • Zach Hamill threw a hit last week. Piped up one 311'er, "zach hamill, hitting someone in the corner. weak." And I said, "that was more Dorothy Hamill". Don't know if that was original joke, but there ya go.
  • Kessel still in scoring lead - what IS this shit?
  • @msavvy91 still predicting Bruins wins and goal scorers. It's a little creepy. Is there a Peterborough equivalent to Powerball? Maybe he should play...

Friday, November 11, 2011

B's Pound Ass

The B's slapped away a young Oiler team last night, 6-3.
  • Joe Corvo is still on my shit list despite his 3 assist effort. Commented a 311'er, "we'd have a dangerous team....if only Joe Corvo could actually play defense."



  • The Tyler Seguin Explosion continues with a goal and an assist last night. I hope he overtakes Phil Kessel for the league lead in goals, points, etc. because Phil's shitty mug is still all over nhl.com. It's getting to the point, especially with the way that line has been gellin' (so much so, I'm wellin') that it really looks like they can't be stopped. I mean, Seguin missed, what 2 or 3 empty nets the other night? I mean this line is sick, and they're the second line. Horton is starting to wake up and skate with more purpose (though he missed 2 gimmes last night) and Lootch is sucking less. The KHL line had one early even-strength shift last night where they had sole puck possession in the offensive zone for what felt like I dunno, a week and a half, which eventually led to the Boychuk goal.
  • Who, what, huh? Mark Mowers on The Instigators, folks. The nadir of NESN programming? You decide.
  • I went to a Hahvid Bah after the game last night. There was equations 'n shit on the walls. Everybody was regurgitatin' Gordon Wood.
  • Speaking of Blake Wheeler, he's 0-7-7 with the Jets right now.
  • You remember Rick Zombo, right? Well this former Bruin (67 games in the 90's: 4-10-14) is now the coach of the Lindenwood University hockey team, located somewhere in Missouri.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Misc.

  • I go to the nhl.com league leaders and league pissant Phil Kessel is still leading the league in points, goals, and plus/minus. gag.
  • Seriously, why are you here? Go back to Days of Y'orr.
  • The other night, Chris Neil and Joe Corvo were about ready to go at it, but the linesmen broke it up. Dunno if they showed it on TV, but I got pretty excited - I wanted to see Chris Neil clobber Joe Corvo. You see, each year, Vf311 focuses it's irrational hate-death ray on a Bruin player who kind of sucks. This year, it's Joe Corvo. Check the Google - back in 2002 or so, when he was a punk with the Monarchs, he attacked some chick in a bar and had to do community service and stuff. Rumor has it, he actually attacked a tranny. I dunno, I wasn't there.
  • Guy who sat next to me on Tuesday, I think he shat himself during pre-game and forgot to clean up.
  • Section 322 tried to start the wave Tuesday. THERE ARE NO WAVES IN HOCKEY.
  • Yes, that was Hockey LEGEND Ian Moran on The Instigators the other night. Really? Ian Moran? And I thought I spied Mark Mowers on NESN the other day, too. Mowers was Dave Lewis' cabana boy back the day when the B's kinda sucked. Those were the dark days, with Dave Scatchard and Brad Isbister.
  • No real great analysis about the latest team play. I mean, I think they gotta push thru it and hopefully they find their way before it's too late. We'll see what happens against the Laffs in Toronto on Saturday. The Laffs are playing well for some strange reason...

Sunday, October 30, 2011

HORRIBLE

Feel free to hit the panic button now. This season's quickly going down the tubes.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Horrible.

That's right. I go to NHL.com to, I dunno, check stuff out, and I'm greeted by Phil Kessel, leading the league in points, goals, and plus-minus.

Also, the Bruins beat the Blackhawks. Hail Seguin & Thomas; rest of the team isn't worth our time yet.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

B's get smoked

No. The other Bruins.
  • Last night, took in a P-Bruins game with Row 12, where they got shellacked by the Manchester Monarchs, 7-1. It wasn't that bad of a game, just wanted to see some violence, seeing as how our local team has decided to not really play with much passion. Well, the farm club kind of suffers from this as well. I will say the boards are loud at "The Dunk", and that plexiglas sounds real brittle as each slap shot brings with it the possibility of the glass shattering. Time to rebuild The Dunk, yah? Lots of crotchfruit there as well, going mad batshit over the SpongeBob Squarepants theme.
  • Look, Joe Corvo kind of sucks. Actually, not kind of. He just sucks...he's making me wish for the days of Kaberle. He constantly gets burned out there...and that booming shot that I thought we were getting really hasn't appeared. Too often has 311 commented, "oh, Corvo just got bitched on that play"... Then again, the rest of the team hasn't shown up yet either. Also, Corvo looks like Judge Doom from Roger Rabbit, y'know, after he goes nuts and attacked Roger with the cartoon saw & cartoon sledgehammer. What, you think I'm kidding?


  • Lootch & Horton are playing "like they've already won the Cup this year". Lootch shanked an easy open net vs. Colorado. Made a bad team look good that night. I'm telling ya, Lootch is gotta get about 9 goals this season, probably 8 of them empty-netters.
  • No fighting majors yet. hmmmm.
  • Looks like only Seguin & Marchand have shown up this year so far. How much longer until we get the team talking about how they're "squeezing their sticks too hard" in trying to score?
  • So we got the Blackhawks tonight at 8:30pm. Predicting another Bruins loss here, probably 5-2 or something.

Monday, October 10, 2011

B's win

Opening night w/ the banner raising was pretty cool. The B's looked out of step, though.
  • Lootch still looks lost out there like he did in the playoffs. Not many shifts where he's skating with purpose. Just standing there waiting for something to happen. Horton still looks a bit out of sorts, too. Hopefully just early season cobwebs.
  • Marchand & Seguin, however, have been flying all over the ice. Seguin's skating with the confidence of someone who has had their ice time increased from say 10 minutes a game to about 18-20 minutes a game.
  • Don't look now, but Phil Kessel is leading the league in goals and points. It's still early, but enough to make you taste the bile when you check out the league leaders page on NHL.com.
  • Bruins made their probable final public appearance with the Cup yesterday as they took it to Gillette Stadium to pump up the crowd and the Patriots. Horton sprayed some Garden rink love on to the logo at midfield. The Mayor was there, "unreal", he texted. Patriots won...
  • Marchand performed a nice takedown of Dominic Moore. I was hoping it would come to blows, with Marchand pounding Moore's face right into the rink surface. Alas, 'twas not to be. Linesmen stepped in and prevented Marchand from tenderizing Moore's face with his fists.
  • How effin sweet was that pass from Jesus Seguin to Marchand for Marchand's 1st goal of the season. Then Marchand beat Bryzgalov with a nice backhand.
  • Lots of backhand looks vs. TB. "The backhand died with the retirement of Paul Kariya", noted one 311'er.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

B's beat Habs in Pre-season - YES it matters

The Bruins continued their recent domination over the Habs by clubbing them over the head, 7-3 in Halifax and then winning in Montreal, um.....3-1 was it?
Of course, didn't see either game, heard both on the radio. Well, I attempted to, fell asleep both times during the 2nd intermission. Last night, I was watching the Sox collapse live on tv with the volume down while the Sportshub played on the laptop.
Did I already complain already about the horseshit the other night with the LOGE starting the wave??? That is some extreme horseshit right there. What's next, Sweet Caroline during the 2nd commercial break of the 3rd period?
Thursday night is against zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Ottawa.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

B's win, 6-3

Bruins beat the Islanders last night, 6-3.
  • WHO in my section had the nacho cheese that smelled like feet?
  • Last night's studs: Peverley had about 4 goals and 8 assists, had a lot of spring to his step, easily skated around the whodat Islander defensemen. Good stuff. Brad Marchand had plenty of looks and was skating around everyone after awhile. After the B's went ahead, it kind of became garbage time then...the Islanders just started to look like your father's thursday midnight beer league hockey.
  • Last night's duds: Tim Thomas had some nice saves and 1 goal he had no chance on, but 3 goals on 13 shots doesn't look so hot. Lucic looked slow & lost. I really think Lootch is going to have an off-year. Like, epic awful, say 10 goals, 4th line duty, everything like that. Plus, he recently was the subject of a Margery Eagan "tsk tsk" article in the Herald the other day. Also, anyone who does the "do you know who I am" thing for real has it coming to them.
  • Some dude tried to beat up Krejci last night, Krejci turtled kind of to avoid injury, then I heard something about the guy getting 2 minutes for instigating with a visor on, which is a penalty I've not heard before.
  • WHO in my section keeps rippin' ass?
  • Matt Kalman is everywhere. If there's someone in the media who has cashed in on the B's success, it's this guy. Every day, he writes an article on each player that pops up somewhere. It's either great hustle or a little scary. Personally, I think he's obsessed, but he's getting paid, so what do I know. I half-ass this blog for free. It's less than half-ass - a fraction of half-ass. It's, like, eighth-ass.
  • People from Halifax, NS are called "Haligonians"
  • Ryan Spooner, going back to the OHL.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Horrible

  • Today, a group of professional hockey players in the KHL died in a plane crash. Among the victims were sniper Pavol Demitra and former Bruin Brad McCrimmon. Probert, Boogaard, Belak, and now this. What is with this freakish NHL curse?
  • Ference had the Cup this past weekend. Of course, Ference is the commie Bruin, so it's fitting that he gets the Cup on Labor Day. Workers of the world, unite! Of course, he celebrates by paying homage to Mao by riding his bike all over town...then organized a flash mob of people wearing the same shirt to march down the street, crowding around him. Totalitarianism, anyone? All that was missing was a huge missile for the crowd to walk along, maybe a building-sized picture of Ference's profile.
  • Are we gonna sign Marchand, or what?
  • Just warming up, kids. We raise the banner in 4 weeks. We start training camp in 8 days. And hopefully, the blog posts will improve.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Stuff to Complain About

  • Are we going to sign Marchand, or what?
  • I had to retire my Saucony sneakers. They were black 'n yellow Jazz TR 12. I wore them all thru the end of the season and the entire playoffs. They withstood even the 2" deep pool of piss I had to stand in at Sully's during game 7. The tread handled the slick Fleetcenter concrete stairs with aplomb. And it knocked a few minutes off of my pace, too. I stepped in something weird and bright green back in round 1, but since we won round one, I refused to clean it off.
Good Soldiers
  • So I've had to spend my summer hockey downtime getting reacquainted with the Sox, and so far I've reached some pretty obvious conclusions: Scutaro sucks. Lowrie sucks. The sellout streak is a FARCE. Some idiot, with the bases loaded, just interfered with Gonzalez trying to catch a foul ball in the stands. What an IDIOT. oh yeah, CAPS.
  • So, okay, what scheduling GENIUS made it so there were no BOS/MTL that occur on a weekend? What could be more awesome than attending a violent hockey game on a Saturday night? The setting is RIPE for an international incident. This is why the NHL is a failure. Similarly, there's no road trip that involves OTT/MTL on the same weekend, either, continuing to foil my epic plans of B's/OTT/MTL and Tremblant skiing.
  • I hope Wheeler is lustily booed when the Jets hit town. The first time he goes offside, everyone should cheer wildly.
  • it's awesome how the NHL Network is replaying the Bruins' Cup run. I just watch it and say to the TV, "I know it's only Game 1, but Philly - you got no hope." And, of course, I'm right.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Nothing to Complain About

ya know, the B's just won the Cup some 3 weeks ago. The team has plenty of cap space. The core is basically signed long term. They got rid of the 2 schlubs who were kind of sucky last season (Kaberle, Ryder). They have lots of young forwards/defensemen in the minors who are good and will compete for jobs this fall. There's nothing to complain about. What am I gonna do with myself? This is bizarro territory for the long-time Bruins fan. Management, for the first time, doesn't look like retards and actually seems to have a plan.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Kaberle Gone

  • Yup, set fire to your Kaberle jerseys. He has jumped ship to land in Carolina. 3 years, $12.75M. That's what, $4.25M/yr? That's a lot of dough and I'm glad that Chiarelli held onto his money. Then the B's traded a 4th rounder for Joe Corvo. Corvo's career: 568 games 79-179-258 204 PIM (too low) but the guy loves to shoot (about 180 shots/year). Plus his salary's a nice, low $2.5M/yr.
  • Most folks will say that Kaberle cost a lot but I don't care what Joe Colborne does for the rest of his career - we got the Cup and that's all that matters.
  • What's the latest on Marchand? Are the B's gonna sign him or what? Even after they sign him, and Savard retires, there's substantial cap room on the B's roster, like $9M or so. And we finally moved the Peter Schaefer buyout off the books. Still paying for Eaves, though ($258K)
  • Today, the Habs made a trade, got minor leaguer Dennis Blunden from the Blue Jackets. Dennis Blunden, if you recall, was the overweight computer whiz from Head of the Class. Good move, Gauthier.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Free Agent Frenzy

So Brad Richards hasn't been grabbed by anyone yet, but here's some non-expert comments on yesterday's signings.
  • Michael Ryder to Dallas. Yup, he of the quick release, the playoff goals, the regular season absentee-ism, our "enigmatic" forward has jetted to the Stars for $3.5M/yr. A little bit of a pay cut for Ryder, but pretty good money for showing for 25% of the games.
  • Benoit Pouliot signed by the B's. This one is a head scratcher. But he does have some sort of upside I guess, being 4th overall pick back in the Crosby draft. So he's capable, I guess it's a Claude Julien reclamation project or something.
  • Wizniewski to Columbus. They overpaid for him at $5.5M/yr, but he's about ready to make "the leap", so we'll see if the rest of the Columbus team can help him out.
  • Chuck Kobasew gone to the Avalanche
  • Marco Sturm signed by Vancouver
  • Ville Leino signed by Buffalo. Buffalo's really making a push this off-season to win it all next season. Oh man, this is going to get good.
  • Alex Auld signs with Ottawa. You pink hats may not remember Auld, but he played for the B's when things were bad - back, back in the dark ages.
  • Heater to the Wild for Havlat. Heater's going to get a chance to drive drunk now on Minnesota's icy roads. Watch out, kids.
  • Tlusty stays with Carolina. Tlusty is notable mainly because the letters in his last name can be re-arranged to spell "Slutty".
  • Brad Richards goes to the Rangers. Guess he loves money & golf! NY is where good players go to get paid well and die.
  • Marty Reasoner hooks up with who cares. Someone thinks Marty Reasoner has enough talent to warrant a contract larger than the league minimum. Marty Reasoner has negative skills. I don't get it.
  • Ruslan Fedotenko signed by the Rangers. Why. Why does this guy still play. Okay, he will always be on my shit list because I had him in fantasy hockey (got him as an afterthought in a trade) and he was HORRIBLE.
  • Hal Gill sucks.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Misc.

Bruins selected in the 2nd round, 4oth overall, Alexander Khokhlachev. The kid can snipe a little, that is for certain. That's 2 silent h's.






Saturday, June 25, 2011

Misc. again

Jay Mohr. I forgot to rip into Mohr's performance at the awards show. Actually, ya know, he wasn't that bad. A lot of his jokes fell flat on the live audience, but they weren't that bad ya know. His best line, "I'm glad the NHL gave me a nice, quiet auditorium where I can practice my jokes." At least he's fully aware that his own career's in the shitter because he didn't know when to stop making the Chris Walken impression. Actually, ya know when his career went bad? When he played that dick sports agent in Jerry Maguire. After that, no one wanted him around. Jay Mohr reminds me of the E-Trade baby, but all-growns-up. And who doesn't want to kick the E-Trade baby in the face??? Who wants to receive investment advice from a baby standing up in his crib, wearing a visor, honing his douche-shtick? That's like GMC trying to sell their trucks with, ah, some pussy-ass band playing in the background like Sister Hazel or Train or whoever the hell that is. Nothing says "V8" like "Maroon 5", amirite? Also, the audience is, like, Euro folks and they have a different sense of humor (I guess?). And for music, you get the Dierks Bentley for the North American crowd and whateverthefuck that other group was (Far East Persuasion? or some shit) for the French Canadians and the Euros in the crowd. Just awkward as hell, them awards shows.

Any sign of Marchand slowing down yet?

Friday, June 24, 2011

Misc.

  • Tim Thomas wins the Vezina. Like there was any doubt?
  • Lidstrom wins the Norris. FIX. Should have been Chara - of course, right? But Chara got the consolation prize in the form of the Mark Messier Award. No one really knows what the award is, but he got it.
  • Bruins selected defenseman Dougie Hamilton 9th overall in the draft. He's about 6'-5" about 190lbs. He's going to be nasty when he grows into himself.
  • The dismantling of Confederate Flag hockey continues as the Winnipeg Jets officially are the Winnipeg Jets.
  • Hal Gill re-signed with the Habs, 1 year for $2.25M. Hal Gill Sucks. Habs also re-signed Mathieu Darche and Max Pacioretty. Terms aren't interesting or worth reporting for them because they both suck. Also, Andrei Markov re-signed for a couple billion as well. 3 years, $17 million or something. He'll get injured.
  • How bout that, the Flyers blowin' it up, sending Carter & Richards packin'. I figured Richards to be Mr. Flyer, never to be traded, but I was wrong as usual.
  • So the awards the other night, the draft tonight, more draft tomorrow, then free agency in about a week or so. It never ends. Which is good because baseball seems so boring by comparison.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

I like winning. Winning is good.

Hey, didja hear? The Bruins won the Stanley Cup.

You know, we predicted this. No, really. Check our January 28, 2011 post, titled "Plan the Parade Route". I wish I could take credit for that, but I had little to do with that post - I just heard the theories all along and another contributor decided to put his thoughts out there into the aether where it sits in perpetuity.

Most of Vf311 caught Game 7 at Sully's Tap. It was pretty insane inside. It got really insane on Marchand's (Marshmont) empty-net goal.
I don't have a smartphone, I have a dumbphone. With awful lighting and everyone spazzing out, it's just a blur of stuff. Then after about 20 minutes of celebrating and trying to not slip on the beer-soaked floor, headed out onto Canal St. where the po po had set up a weird corral for us cattle. All side streets were shut down, had to walk to Haymarket before finding my way to Charlestown. It was odd how everyone was herded into 3 main blocks. But nothing really happened, just a buncha folks whooping it up.

Game 6 featured some interesting folks in front of us - they claimed to be cousins of Marchand (Marshmont)
unverified relatives of Marshmont; the shine off that guy's dome was remarkable

So today was the Parade. Some of Vf311 hung out on Tremont St. Lots of people - duh. Got there real early, had a large breakfast, then waited for the duck boats to arrive. I got mainly photos of everyone else's cameras being raised in the air.

Thomas & Chara

The pre-parade rally featured some rapping by white boy Marshmont as he spit some rhymes from Wiz Khalifa's "Black 'n Yellow". Then Bergeron snatched the mic away from Marshmont because Marshmont was still bombed out of his tree.
I screwed when it was over. There was a lot of humanity out there.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

HAHAHAHA!

Wow.

We finally did it.

A big thanks to "Morale Officer" for keeping this blog going. I know I haven't wrote in over a year. Today is a great day to be back.

I ran into Don Cherry at Logan flying back to Austin after Game 6. I said to him "Coach Cherry, remember, the story lines too good for the Bruins not to take it home."

And the story was too good.

As a sports fan, you dream of a team like this. A team to tell your kids about. A team that embodies everything you want to root for. I mean, look at these guys. Timmy, Patrice, Shawn, etc.

Heroes. Forever.

This is beyond the guys on this team. They did everything so many teams couldn't. Growing up watching Ray, Cam, Andy. They were my heroes, but they couldn't do it. This team did.

This one is really for the fans. All of us. Some of the greatest people I've ever met in my life. Section 311. This one is for all those half empty games in the Garden. The losses. Toiling. Toiling away. To my favorite season ticket holder who has had a single ticket for over 30 years, and brings us all candy for every game, and sends me Bruins care packages in Austin. For keeping the faith. For the laughs, for the tears. For wishing. For hoping. Some day. Some f'in day we'd win the Stanley Cup.

And we did. Last night awash in beer, cheap champagne, cigar ash, and yes tears. I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it now. Waking up this morning, realizing we finally did it, not giving a damn about anything else in the world. We won the Cup. The Boston f'in Bruins finally won the Cup.

To the games we couldn't GIVE away tickets to. To the game in the snowstorm against the Devils a few years ago, with 200 fans in the Garden. To Sully's Tap for hosting us for so many times we will always remember, and nights we can't remember! To Game 6 against Montreal when hockey FINALLY came back in this town.

To Timmy's paddle save. To Horton's OT goals. To the Kid Seguin having his break out game. To Thornton coming back and bringing so much energy to this team. To Marchand's gorgeous shorthanded goal, and to being a god damn rat who we'd hate if he wasn't a Bruin. To Chara for always poking away the puck. To Looch playing Black and Gold hockey since he first put on the spoked B, and to keeping it going. To Savvy. This cup is yours to. For always making the play. For Campbell and Peverley and Kelly for playing the unsung heroes. For Mark f'in Recchi. For giving this team the veteran leadership they DESPERATELY needed. For Krejci giving us a shot. Yes, to Michael Ryder for showing up. To Patrice for being the ultimate team player you want your kids to play like. For Johnny Boychuck for straight destroying dudes. For Tuukka for holding it down last year. For Adam Mcquaid for stepping up when he had to. For Seidenberg for just playing damn good Defense down the stretch. For Ference, always steady. Even for Tomas Kaberle, you're here too.

For my dad for taking me to the Old Garden and teaching me how to skate. To my brother, who I'll never forget buying NHL 93 with in change we saved from recycling cans. To my mom who hasn't watched this much Bruins hockey since the early 70's.

And most importantly. For 311. For Section 311. For all of us. All those nights, all the great times. All the bad times.

We did it. We won the F'in Stanley Cup!

Hahahahaha!

Friday, June 10, 2011

I hate Max Lapierre

Of all people, Maxim Lapierre...
  • The Bruins got out-played physically by the 'nucks tonight, who were emboldened by playing in front of their raucous home crowd. Luongo gets the shutout but wasn't really tested, just like the other 2 games in Vancouver. Rather, the Vancouver defense actually felt like playing again.
  • Luongo's goalie mask/helmet thing looks like he was pissed on. Like yellow snow. Watch out where the huskies go....
  • Officially sick of Emerick. Either because he's screwing up names, or looks like my mom's aunt, or not varying his language well enough, I don't know. Boston fans need the homer-ism of Jack Edwards.
  • Milbury, actually being forced (conspiracy theory) to say something nice about the Sedins actually playing well during one of the intermissions. You and I both know he hates them and the Euro game, destroying his rock 'em sock 'em hockey.
  • NBA guard Steve Nash, whose bro in law is Manny Malhotra, picked the 'nucks in 7 games. Like he'd go against his relative. Dumb question by the media.



  • Yeah, that was ex-Hab Max Lapierre, bringing some of the ghosts from the old Montreal Forum with him to Vancouver to kick sand in the Bruins face. I would rather anyone else, even Burrows, over Lapierre. HORRIBLE. Thomas didn't get a good push-off with his opposite leg there, but he actually saved the shot but rolled the wrong way due to his momentum and the puck plopped in over the goal line. That's brutal stuff, he'll see that shit in his dreams for the next few days.
  • Vancouver the city looks like a nice place. Ocean over here, mountains over there, looks like they may have it all. How close is the skiing (Banff/Whistler/Blackcomb)?

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Mercy!

The B's made the Canucks their prison bitch last night, crushing them 8-1.
  • Game was a lot closer for awhile in the beginning. The first period ended, 0-0 with Thomas making crazy saves as usual.
  • Then they got a fluke goal and then the floodgates opened. Ference is mad clutch. I actually told the guy to my left during the first intermission, "Ference is so clutch". Then he scored 11 seconds in.
  • That Marchand goal, holy shit, that was something else. Steals from one of the Sedin Sisters, smokes, uh, Edler or something, beats Kesler, then beats Luongo. Then kisses his glove in front of the 'nucks bench.
  • Having 'nuck fans in the arena, with those colors, felt very Whalers-ish, like the Canes were in town. Most of 'em looked Samoan.
  • The drama/circus that was the 2nd & 3rd period, I don't see that happening again. The whole finger thing, the scrums, the 10-minute misconducts, the NHL doesn't want that stuff happening again. As much as it makes people watch the game, they don't want it for some reason. I dunno.
  • Possibly the defining moment of Tim Thomas' season, if not career, could be that check he did on one of the Sedins. No one was expecting that, for him to just shove the guy while he was trying to field the puck in mid-air. I was wondering if it was a penalty - but what would that penalty be? 2 minutes for being awesome?
  • Rogers Network, TSN, and NHL Network were set up at the east entrance to the Gahden. Saw Bob Mackenzie & Ray Ferraro talkin' about stuff.


  • So, yeah, all I wanted was 1 good game in this Stanley Cup Finals. Now, I'm actually believing in the team again. The Russian's been cut! Perhaps one could think to what Aaron Ward said a few years ago in the postseason (and I'm paraphrasing here) "[the playoffs are] about finding an identity, then maintaining that identity." So the B's tried to play the prevent defense and the finesse game in Vancouver, but they come home and go "oh yeah, we don't do that; we play like THIS" and then laid the smack down. Or maybe they just wanted to give us all a good show before puking like McNabb. Not McNab.
  • The hit on Horton was just horrible - mainly because he was so dazed and the camera zoomed in on his face...and his chest struggling to breathe as the wind was knocked out of him. This one may linger, not only was the hit bad but his head hit the ice weird. Hopefully his recovery is on schedule for next season.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Ugh

Paul Revere reacts to Sarah Palin's comments and the Bruins' 0-2 Series hole.
  • Okay, what's there to say? I think, generally, the B's have played "okay", and only if they could bury their chances, we'd be talking a different story. Most of the 'nucks backers were thinking that every game would be 6-1 victories. Except the B's have hung around despite being outplayed for a lot of each game. I went from being optimistic saying the B's would win in 6 games; now I'm hoping to not get swept.
  • But it just sucks to see someone dominate a game like Tim Thomas only to have him hosed on some play and have Burrows (!) score on him.
  • Emerick needs to hit the thesaurus, kids. He used the word "knifed" at least 10 times last night. Also, "squibbed", "ricocheted", "careened".
  • Burrows! I told folks, "you're gonna hate him by the end of the series!" folks dismissed me. Now they know what I mean.
  • KPD today in the Globe renounced fighting. It was like...I dunno...me renouncing food. He's crossed that line, he says.
  • Andrew Alberts! are you KIDDING ME???
  • Hal Gill re-signed with the Habs. I forget the terms, but who cares. He suckitude continues at the only place close to home that will actually employ him. Turncoat bastid.
  • Seguin had, what, 6 minutes of ice time last night? Paille & Campbell had something like 4 minutes each.
  • Ugh. Just win one, okay?

Monday, May 30, 2011

Miscellany

  • Crypt-keeper Jeremy Jacobs came out of his Scrooge McDuck vault in East Aurora, NY to come to Boston and talk about how glad he is that the Bruins are raking in more revenues than normal. Pink hats, check out Ron Borges' article in today's Herald (then read the comments by angry, longtime fans). Remember, he owns pretty much everything involved with everything regarding the Bruins - the merch, the food, the Garden, the team, etc. Folks may wonder why I don't buy Garden concessions or wear Bruins flair at the games (or, really, ever), this guy is why. The team could win every single game for the next 100 years, I ain't giving JJ any more money than what I pay for my season tickets. So read Borges' article, then read it again.
  • Sox are in first place. Huh?
  • I could sell my game 3 ticket right now for about $500. dang.
  • Bruins in 6.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

B's win; onto Vancouver

I like winning. It's better than losing.
  • Dennis Seidenberg is solid. 8 blocked shot last night. Pure solid. Dennis Seidenjesus.
  • Buddy of mine next to me who is a bit more of a basketball fan than a hockey fan was stunned when Stamkos took that shot off the face. "Is he gone for the game?" I said, "nope, he'll go to the locker room, spit out a few chiclets, get some stitches, back on the ice in 5 minutes". And he was. This ain't the NBA, son. Any of these guys, TB or Boston, or really any team, would play through gunshot wounds to play in this game. You could behead Recchi and his body and his head would still play. Actually, you wouldn't want to behead Recchi because then you'd have to deal with 2 Recchis kicking your ass all over the ice. "The decapitated head of Recchi just scored a hat trick, all goals assisted by the body of Recchi. Unreal."
  • NHL on the Fly. Why is Ryan O'Byrne on there? This punkass's hockey bona fides are pretty weak. Plus, since he's a former Hab, he's retardedly anti-Bruin. He picked the 'nucks in 7. Kelly Chase? He GETS IT. Chaser picked the B's in 7. Another enforcer in sportscasting. What's up with that? Something about the enforcer/goon personality that translates well to sportcasting, I dunno. Also, Ryan O'Byrne sucks.
  • When I got home, my ears were ringing. I've never heard the crowd get that loud. When Horton scored, just pure bedlam. Bedlam. The game was just so intense. We were actually predicting 0-0 going into sudden death. Is there not a more apt description of overtime in a game 7 playoff hockey game than "sudden death"?
  • Causeway St. was batshit, too, after the game. At one point, a buncha folks dancing in a circle chanting "Tim-my Thom-as". I'm not sure if any weirdness broke out or whatever, I left the area at about 11:30, but damn.
  • Winning is good.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

B's fill their diaper.

Ugh.

  • Sure, you'd love to bench Boychuk & Kaberle ("Kaber-gay", we've been calling him; yah, we're adults.), but these are the ugly sluts that Claude brought to the dance, so he's gotta dance with them. So let's hope (ugh) that this team can figure it all out in time for tomorrow night's game.
  • No time for Seguin on the PP last night, did I read that right? So they're trying the "chara in front of the net" move, and that's great and stuff, but Seguin's still gotta play on that "power" play, currently clicking at, uh, what, 8%?
  • boston.com had a poll for unsung hero for the bruins in the playoffs. I voted for Seidenberg and so did most of those who voted.
  • The B's, ya know, they really have got to stop giving these teams hope. They are 100% capable of pounding the piss out of TB, but everytime they get a chance to step on their neck with a skate, they back off. "Afraid to win", you hear some call it. I dunno. But the killer instinct is lacking. "don't know how to win", "not playoff ready", etc.
  • US-born hockey player Doug Weight retiring after 19 years. 1238 games 278-755-1033 and a Stanley Cup. Not too bad.
  • Are the Jets back in Winnipeg YET? sheesh. Gotta get rid of that Confederate Flag Hockey ya know. Florida Panthers, you're next.
  • These 8pm starts are lame. I get home at like midnight 'n shit. It's like when the Sox were going all the way in '04 and no one was getting any sleep because the games were starting at 8:37pm.
  • You realize, right, that in order to keep the Cup away from the hosers that either the B's or Tampon Bay has to beat Vancouver. Cup hasn't been won by a Canadian team since, what, 1993 when the Habs got it.
  • The Mayor flew up from Austin to catch Game 7. "I landed, went to Dunks, bought a Herald". It's rumored that tonight he's headed to the Cape to get stabbed in the parking lot of Pufferbellies.
  • That's right, Bill Belichick's been to the last 2 games. Last game, even stood up and waved the towel there. Also, Tom Brady crying and going down waterslides like a 7-year old girl. Patriots dynasty = over.
  • What the hell were those noisemakers at the game last night? or something? It sounded like thundersticks, but more high-pitched. Horrible. They don't hand shit out like that in Boston, they know it'll get tossed onto the ice after the first bullshit call. A few years back they handed out minature Stanley Cups at the beginning of the year? or the playoffs? and Andrei Markov scored with like 10 seconds left in OT so MTL won, and all them shits got tossed onto the ice. Now, I think they do like, wind tunnel tests 'n shit on the free schwag to see if it can aerodynamically make the trip from the balcony to the ice. Y'know, mass, drag coefficient, critical velocity, windage, vectors, tensors, cross products, LaPlace transforms, etc. possibly the Large Hadron Collider's involved? When Bruins marketing goes thru the catalog of corporate-sponsored free schwag, each item probably lists its "projectile potential" on it or something. And who picks the schwag? Covidien or the Bruins? "let's give 'em towels" because they don't want the fans to brain Stamkos after he scores the series winner in OT.

Friday, May 20, 2011

B's Ground Lightning

I've been sitting on that headline for a few days.

  • Thursday night the B's went into lockdown mode with the return of Bergeron, shutting out the 'Ning, 2-0.
  • The Seguin Mafia was all over the airwaves on Wednesday after his 4-point, 1-period outburst on Tuesday. I can't blame them, but they were ready to put the kid into the Hall of Fame. I will admit, it was amazing stuff, but if it was followed by a disappointing performance, especially defensively, then it would be for naught. But the Seguin Show was pretty decent on Thursday night - the kid actually now seeks out not only the puck, but to hit, to engage opponents for the puck. Good stuff. Now we are rolling 4 solid, steady lines.
  • Slowly, slowly - Kaberle is getting better. I think he had a good game last night. Scott Cullen of TSN correlated the B's best defensive performance of the series with Kaberle's (lack of) ice time. I think he is forgetting about the Bergeron factor, since what he does vs. Stamkos & Friends has more impact than anything Kaberle does. But Kaberle is starting to buy into the system, learn where he is supposed to be in Julien's system, and I think it's, again, slowly coming together for him.
  • Confederate Flag Hockey leaves Atlanta and heads to Winnipeg. I don't know if the team will be called the Jets or what, I heard a rumor they were going to be called the Manitoba Moose, coulda been someone joking around. Probably so they could sell more merch - stuffed mooses and stuff. Can't exactly sell stuffed Jets to the kids. But at least hockey heads back to a place where there's actually snow and stuff. Florida Panthers/Phoenix Coyotes - you're next, probably heading to, what, I dunno, Quebec City and ? Hamilton? Hopefully those Crisco-eaters in Hartford are denied a hockey team.
  • I wonder if Mike Lundin has repeating nightmares of getting bitched by Seguin in the open ice. Also nice to see Seguin undress both Hedman and Bergeron-concusser Randy Jones.
  • Boychuk played less retahded last night, he was -3 in Game 2 I think.
  • Seriously, does Paille wake up every morning and pinch himself? Picture this, you're Daniel fuckin' Pie-yay, you got nothing - no shot, no fists, no size, just a little speed - and somehow you were a 1st round pick. Now you're a role player on a pretty good team that is 6 wins from winning it all. He should give us money just for letting him hang with us.
  • Didja see how huge Boucher's eyes got when arguing the Bergeron/Krejci hit/penalty at center ice? Creepy.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

B's crap themselves

NHL.com's photo of Guy Boucher

60-minute hockey, folks. The Bruins went on holiday for a few minutes in the 1st period last night and fell behind 3-0 on some gift goals, going on to lose, 5-2.
  • Seidenberg was an uncharacteristic -3 on the night.
  • Krejci was 3 for 18 at the faceoff dot. Peverley was 6 for 16 on faceoffs. Bruins as a whole were 26 for 67 on faceoffs. They don't break down offensive zone vs. defensive zone faceoffs, but it felt like we won none all night.
  • The "Seguin Mafia" will be out in full force on the radio dial. While I pretty much said, "omg" when he smoked the TB defense and beat Roloson for his first goal, it also is telling that he was on the ice for the first 2 goals when the Bruins really had a huge brain fart and gave up 2 goals in 19 seconds. Seguin also threw a hit, too. Skated like a madman into the corner and took out someone, can't remember who. Then the B's lost possession and that was that.
  • Thomas had 2 retahded saves last night, one on LeCavalier who did the Forsberg move which Thomas saved with his glove, and Downie on a point-blank attempt that Thomas also snuffed out with his glove.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

B's take out trash

Last night the B's finished the job, winning 5-1 to win the series 4-0 against Philadelphia.
  • Still no word on Bergeron's injury. Just that Giroux hit him, he went down, we all saw him lying on the ice, but he got up and made his way to the bench and immediately to the locker room. So far this postseason, Bergeron's been Conn Smythe material, so no shit, everyone hopes he's okay.
  • Kaberle has been improving, ever so slowly. I see, like, a 3% per game improvement with each game. Of course, this trend is too slow for the playoffs, but...last night he hit the blue line with speed, got hooked/tripped, and we got a power play. He needs to stop being scared and just play.
  • Lootch actually skated last night, finally. He'd been kinda coasting still all postseason but last night he showed more willingness to get into 5th gear.
  • Tampa Bay next. LeCavalier, St. Louis, Roloson, Gagne, Stamkos. Plus playoff stud Sean Bergenheim (what?)...last night Beers said that if there's anything that suspect on TB, it's their defensive corps, with Eric Brewer being the best followed closely by Hedman. So, duh, get pucks in deep and go from there.
  • "What if"...the Flyers hung with Bobrovski for the whole series? And if Pronger didn't have a busted-up hand that probably got aggravated when he got beat on an icing by Paille (or the ensuing two-hand slash)?
  • So yeah, nice win, keep it going, pretty much just riding the wave, going to enjoy the 4-5 days off from Bruins playoff hockey (lawn hasn't been mowed in forever) and recharge for Tampa Bay.
  • SJ lost last night. Maybe there's still time for Joe Thornton to choke out of the playoffs.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Bostowned

Today the Patriots beat the Eagles, 7-3 at the Well Fargo Arena.
  • Well there ya go. The Krejci line wakes up. Krejci gets 2 goals, 2 assists and looked unstoppable at times, working his bullet-time magic especially on the Campbell goal.
  • Lootch looked 200% better today, was actually skating, hitting, shooting. He actually looks interested in playing now.
  • Pronger's a jerkwad, huh? As if you didn't know - Paille smokes him on an icing, and he slashes Paille. Paille goes to the box for being awesome and Pronger goes to the box for being a gap-toothed jerk.
  • Power play is, what, 0-for-25 now? or something? Does it even matter anymore?
  • Still, today was just not the Flyers' day. I don't even think I heard Hartnell's name until the 3rd period.
  • Did Pierre Maguire say that van Riemsdyk is like Cam Neely? And didja see the look Milbury gave Maguire, like, "I know Cam Neely, I coached Cam Neely; van Riemsdyk is no Cam Neely". No one ever accused Maguire of being all that smart.
  • During game 7 vs. the Habs, I saw a B's fan with a black t-shirt with the Canadiens "CH" logo turned on its side and the "H" was altered to make it look like it was crying. Who is making those? I gotta get me one of those.

B's Finish the Deal; Flyers Next

yay camera phone. I guess.

So in case you haven't heard, or can't tell by the "awesome" photo above, the Bruins turned out the light on the Habs Wednesday night.
  • Some sort of moratorium on ripping on the B's power play immediately following the game, as for once, the Boston sports media opted to not dwell on the negative and actually enjoy a victory.
  • But are you kidding me? 0-for-21 power play? Brian Burke is pleasuring himself to viewings of its ineffectiveness. Every time Kaberle goofed up a play at the blue line or got the yips in the corners, Burke just poured himself another whiskey and grinned.
  • Jeff Halpern, who got thumped into the end of the glass, then decided to skate into Ference's shoulder, I think ended up inadvertently tipping in Nathan Horton's shot. Jeff Halpern, you suck.
  • Subban's a total diver and a putz, but he's good and he's going to be around for awhile. Deal with it. At least you have someone to focus your hate on, the torch has been passed from Hab assholes of the past (Guy Carbonneau, Stephane Richer, Lyle Odelein, shit this list truly could be infinite. Did I already mention Guy Carbonneau?).
In no particular order, comments on the individual performances:
  • Playoff MVP: Gotta give this one to Bergeron. The guy had a monster series, winning 110% of the faceoffs and best of all, always moving his feet, unsatisfied and fighting for that extra inch ("we claw! with our FINGA-NAILS for that inch!"). Bergeron "gets it", folks. I don't know if it's the early influence of Martin Lapointe (heh) or the current influence of greybearded, brass-balled Recchi (playing through kidney stones; getting his blood swapped for new blood, Keith Richards-style, during the Carolina series), but anyone who doesn't think Bergeron is the face and cornerstone of this franchise should make their way to the cracker factory. I'm ready to hoist #37 to the rafters. When Recchi retires, he's going to will that wheelbarrow he uses to cart around said brass balls to Bergeron, "here you go, you've earned this". Okay, enough with the balls.
  • Playoff LVP: Kaberle. A caller to the sportshub recently called out Felger, et al. by correctly pointing out that we should not have expected much, defensively-speaking, from Kaberle. He's a bring-the-puck-up defenseman who can pass well and aid the power play. And in speaking with a Maple Leaf fan yesterday, he agreed, basically saying that Kaberle is as soft as puppy shit in his own zone, but silky smooth offensively. I guess we're just going to have to give it a little more time for Kaberle...during a part of the season where time is of the essence. I dunno.
  • Playoff SoLVP: "sort of least valuable player". Ryder. Dude, love the goals, love the quick release, and that glove save was the shit of legend, but completely sick of your "enigmatic" (KPD) ways. The dude's playing for a contract and still can't get his dick hard for 17 minutes a night on the ice. Start Seguin, start Caron, start your mom. Bench Ryder.
  • Playoff MVP the more I think about it: Andrew Ference. Admit it - his goal and middle finger to the Habs fans was the turning point of the series. Right now, the action could be characterized as classless, or whatever, but the B's were down, 3-1 at that point and nothing was going our way. Ference skates into a rolling puck, puts the force of the Warsaw Pact behind a blistering бомба over Carey's glove, then flips off the Bell Centre crowd. It would have been unforgettably badass if Ference owned up to it, but I suspect he was trying to keep the action from being bulletin board material. Plus the guy just competes in the corners despite his midget, commie-like ways. Also, 2 assists in the series clincher.
  • Very close to being Playoff MVP: Chris Kelly. Who knew? The guy's no dummy and finally delivers as advertised: PJ Axelsson with better finish.
  • I'm impressed with his speed: Rich Peverley. Can't help but feel a little bit British whenever I say "Peverley", but yeah, anyway, he's worth putting down the game-time donut when he rushes up the ice.
  • What a beast: Had a rough start to the series, but Dennis Seidenberg is just awesome and I don't think we've yet seen just how good he is.
  • WTF?: Lootch...coasting thru the zone, looking passive, waiting for a pass instead of making shit happen.
Things to look forward to in the 2nd round versus the Flyers:
  • Hating Chris Pronger: and Hartnell, and Giroux, and "Hot Carle"...
  • Daniel Briere is a whiny bitch: It didn't end with the Habs - the Flyers got their own weenie who wears a visor, cries to the refs, slashes people when the refs aren't looking, is small and quick, and is a pure Bruins killer. Remember the two-hander to Franz Nielsen's head?
  • We will probably make their goaltending look awesome: Sadly, we're going to make whoever stands between the pipes for the Flyers look like Thomas' competition for the Vezina. Unless we start Seguin. After Seguin starts averaging 2 points/game, cures for AIDS, cancer, and all that stuff will be found, plus world peace, end of poverty and hunger, struggle, strife, etc.
  • Flyers fans are subhuman: Watch out for the batteries, folks. Always Sunny in Philadelphia isn't kidding. Everyone in that town really is that dumb.
  • The Flyers are shit, but at least they'll step up: aside from the aforementioned Briere, who usually has Carcillo or others doing his dirty work for him, everyone on the Flyers will show up and back up anything they try to do.


Sunday, April 24, 2011

I was wrong as usual

Habs fan, duly ostracized for his allegiance to the bleu, blanc, et rouge

So my prediction of the B's caving in last night did not come true, as the B's, as we all know by now, slapped the Habs away in double OT last night, 2-1. My prediction was way off ("Samsonite!") , and as any frequent reader of this site, all 20 of you (hi mom), know, I know nothing about the game.
Seriously, though, what could I possibly add to the dialogue some 22 hours after the fact? Ryder made a ridiculous street hockey (deck hockey or road hockey to you hosers) save, Chara made a leg/toe save, Ference is becoming even more clutch these days by working around the Lootch pick to put a soft ("20 km/h" in Ference's SI-unit-lovin'-commie-speak; this converts to 12.4 mph) shot onto Price for Horton to bang in the rebound, plus Timmy's retahded save on Gionta. Plus all the other stuff.
  • Lootch looks hurt, I'm telling ya. He's not initiating contact, he's just coasting around on the ice, setting up at the hash marks and waiting for someone to pass to him. I dunno.
  • Cammallerrii fans in Row 9 last night. They were older folks, wore #13 with pride, took the loss quietly, then went home and cried on their bright red, maple leaf-shaped pillows. Actually, more Habs fans in the stands than games 1 & 2. They cheered somewhat loud when Jim Halpert, I mean Jeff Halpern (Jeff Halpern? are you fucking kidding me?) scored to tie the game at 1. We had a couple Habs fans in our row last night, they were quiet, only went thru the row to take one of the hundreds of their smoke breaks in the stairwell.
  • I finally got home, last night flipped on The Fly, and there was the post-game presser with Horton sporting a massive perma-grin. He seemed truly pleased at winning.
  • Flyers beat Buffalo today. Gross.
  • I saw a Habs fan in a Jan Bulis #38 jersey last night. Jan Bulis? Really? That might be up there with, say, a Peter Douris #16 jersey or something.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Game 5 Tonight

The B's return from their MTL/Lake Flaccid road trip to face the Habs tonight in Game 5.
  • So as I'm sure everyone's heard by now that Ference's middle finga to the Habs fans got him fined $2,500 by the NHL. Note that, before that goal, the score was 3-1 and the Habs were having their way with us. At that point, the Bell Centre had kicked into its victorious "ole, ole" chant. I think this was Ference's emphatic "fuck you" to those (Habs fans and Bruins fans alike) who thought this game (and series) was over. He should have owned it, though, after the game, "yeah, I flipped 'em off, so what?"...The favorite adjective to describe, well, any act that is disagreeable these days is "classless". "Ference's salute was classless", "Chara's hit was classless", "Bruins fans were classless", etc. I've been seeing a lot of "classless" lately written by the commentariat, need a new word.
  • Kaberle still sucks, but how 'bout that pass to Ryder for the first goal?
  • Peverley can stay - he is definitely the anti-Wheeler. He's got some speed that makes d-men back up a bit, he can shoot, and knows how to stay on-side (note the OT goal - can you imagine Blake Wheeler staying on-side for that shit? I can't.)
  • Has to speak something for Chris Kelly's character/will to win/compete level/whatever you want to call it, in that he's playing in the dirty areas besides having a busted face. Or maybe playing with a full cage has emboldened him? And therefore, Lootch should play in a cage as well?
  • My goodness, that wrista by Subban was just retahded. Even if Thomas wasn't screened by Plekanec, he probably still wouldn't have seen it.
  • No prediction tonight. Okay, prediction. B's lose, 5-3, 5th goal is empty netter. We got home-ice-disadvantage here in this series or something, and since the B's continue to hate us and hate scoring on the power play.
  • Crowd should be rockin', though, so that'll be fun. Games have been opening with "Cochise" by Audioslave, and that's not a bad way to go.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Dude, where's my power play?

Okay, so the B's finally played a good game. They were cornered by the Habs after shaming us over the weekend.
  • The Bruins' power play has to be the suckiest thing that ever sucked. They spend nearly the whole power play trying to break into the zone or fighting for it along the half-wall. It's just sad. The Bruins need to start declining penalties like football.
  • So nice to have Chara back. I'm not sure if Game 2 was 100% because of Chara's absence, but for some reason it all got better last night.
  • Why do they hate us? Bruins would have been better served to finish 8th this season as they continue to prove that they are one of the best road teams in the league. You see, this only sets it up so they can, for the 3rd straight year, lose a playoff series on home ice in front of their beloved fans. They will lose Games 4 & 5. Why do they hate us?
  • Jack & Brick were in rare form last night. Sure, Jack was his usual, loony self and that's just fine - typical Jack. But Brick, being the local boy that he is PLUS having played with the B's in the late 80's, carries deep in his soul an intense hatred of the Canadiens.
  • Look, I'd send Ryder to the bench, and maybe even Paille/Thornton and bring in Seguin and/or Caron. Caron would love to play in front of his hometown team, he has a willingness to get dirty and play in front of the net - why not let him play? I think Caron has become the forgotten guy at this point. Let him get sloppy with Gill out in front, see what happens.
No, not that Caron
  • Also notable was Ference's dustup with Pouliot. Pouliot came in high on a hit, Ference found him, and they threw down. Good stuff there.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Dude, where's my team?

So yeah, morale has hit a tremendous low here in 311. With about 7 minutes left in the game, you could feel the air just leave the building.


I seriously do not know why the Edmonton Oilers decided to show up and play the last 2 Bruins playoff games at the Gahden. But these guys are listless and are unable to summon the will and energy to do what it takes to win these games. Montreal is not even that good.

Seriously, what happened? We all know Chara is a vital component to the defensive corps, but what has happened to Kaberle??? He brought the suckage of the Maple Leafs with him like a dark cloud. He looks like a lost puppy. I thought we traded for Tomas Kaberle, but I think we ended up with Frank Kaberle. But anyhow, he's not the only one out there who is outmatched by the situation.
So, as I'm sure you've all read by now, if the B's don't pick up their game right quick, the season is over and Julien (at least) and Chia Pet are toast. I dunno. I'm part of the "screw it, let's start Seguin" crowd right now. It certainly can't get any worse. Throw him right into the fire at the Bell Centre. Maybe start Rask, I dunno.

That's me up there, ready to jump off the Tobin

Why do the Bruins hate us? I keep hoping that this is our 19-8 game, and thinking that "it's always darkest before the dawn" and that type of Ned Flanders stuff. But let's face it, I don't think Dave Roberts will be skating for the Bruins in this series. But this team simply hates playing at home. Our only hope is the fact that the B's have been a decent road team this year. They will probably earn a split up in MTL, just in time to lose Game 5 (and the series) at home.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Infinite Path Carved with Unrivaled Skill

Optimism is extremely high here in Section 311. Maybe it's dementia resulting from a few seasons of watching games in the oxygen-deprived balcony, I dunno.
Plan the parade route, save me a spot at the barricade there, load my camera up with film, call in sick, attend the rolling rally.

Waiting all week for the playoffs to begin has been torturous. I hope the Gahden is rockin' tonight, nice and loud.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

My Personal Top 5 NHLers Who Should be/have been Bruins

My own personal list of hard-nosed players who I feel fit the Bruins' mold. Yeah, sure, we'd love the Crosbys and such, but there are others who I feel could fit right in, make a contribution, kick a little ass...

MIKE RUPP Pittsburgh Penguins 6'-5" 230lbs
Career stats: 497 games 49 goals 40 assists 656 PIM



Yeah, he's that "oh, shit" guy who can deliver crunching hits, throw down with anyone, and pop in about 10 goals a year. Classic 4th line center.

CHRIS NEIL Ottawa Senators 6'-1" 215lbs
Career stats: 659 games 77 goals 95 assists 1683 PIM

A total dick to play against, but this guy would just slip on the B's jersey and be at home instantly.

MIKE KOMISAREK Toronto Maple Leafs 6'-4" 243lbs
Career stats: 470 games 13 goals 59 assists 622 PIM

We all hate him for his Montreal years...and who could forget when Lootch pummeled his ass a few years ago. He quieted down after that, but his chippiness started to return this year as the Laffs blew just a little bit less this year. Deep inside this player is a Bruin waiting to come out - probably the only Hab worthy of wearing the spoked-B.

MICHAEL PECA Buffalo Sabres 5'-11" 183lbs
Career stats: 864 games 176 goals 289 assists 798 PIM

I remember him best during his Buffalo years. Did he ever win the Selke? Should have. His later years were plagued by injuries, but imagine PJ Axelsson with more balls, better finishing touch.



DION PHANEUF Toronto Maple Leafs 6'-3" 214lbs
Career stats: 470 games 85 goals 183 assists 644 PIM

He's another dick we love/hate to play against. Eastern Conference-type player, imagine him coming to Boston, playing for a real team, and flattening people in the corners. I went to look for Phaneuf hits on the youtube there, but it's like picking your children. Also, some of them are illegal now and we don't want to, uh, encourage that type of stuff.

RYAN KESLER Vancouver Canucks 6'-2" 202lbs
Career stats: 484 games 131 goals 157 assists 445 PIM

I saw this guy's game was for real during the 2010 Winter Olympics. Just a total force on the ice. I'd trade the entire Bruins roster and their draft picks for the next 10 years for Ryan Kesler.


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Bs win

  • 4th line played a complete game as the B's sunk the Islanders, 3-2
  • Who is this Daniel Paille? The 4th line was possessed the other night, their 1st period performance was one of the best all season. Getting pucks deep and wearing down the opposition. That's the shit we need for the playoffs.
  • That Grabner can skate, huh?
  • We were on "Gillies Alert" everytime he had a shift - he could have attacked Krejci or Bergeron and killed our playoff hopes.
  • Today the B's coasted to a 3-1 win vs. the Senators. The Sens got nothing.
  • Fight today, Horton vs. Zack Smith. Smith can throw. Horton pretty much got beat, but kept swinging away. Horton makes these huge, slow punches, like Lincecum windups. But if they ever land, it's ova.
  • Highlight reel goal by Peverley. Kinda this self-pass thing off the boards, got his own pass there, cut to the center and backhanded it in. I taught him how to skate.
  • Local boy and budding Bruin killer Bobby Butler scored. A guy in my row made sure to let everyone around us know that he & Butler were buds and hung out, played, etc.
  • A brief "we want the Cup" chant started towards the end of the game. A bit premature for that.
  • Recchi just keeps passing milestones with each game he plays. Today, he passed Chris Chelios for 4th all-time in games played. Chris Chelios can lick my balls.
  • Bulldogs going for it all tonight in the Frozen Four Final vs. Michigan. The 'dogs have a power play to behold. Quoth a 311 member, "I see that power play, I get instant wood."
  • McQuaid is, like, a flannel shirt and a Subaru away from being the Bruins first lesbian hockey player or something. His "cuts for a cause" buzz cut mullet hairdo is something else I tell ya.
  • Paille! with another goal! Amazing pass from Soupy and Paille crashing the net with his stick on the ice, can't argue with any of that. Where is this coming from?

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

B's Collapse

So the B's collapsed under the weight of their own bullshit last night, losing to the Rangers in the 3rd period, 5-3.
  • Ryan Callahan got a broken ankle from a Chara slapshot.
  • Dirty goal from Paille, crashing the net. He's picked up his game of late. This morning's T&R had some spieling between the hosts and Haggs there, Haggs was thinking that Paille's the only one who actually played a 60 minute game last night, while everyone loafed after getting the 3-0 lead. Shit, I thought it was "game over", especially given the fact that the Rangers can't score. Paille pisses me off, but I can say he's at least trying. Someone else, I forget who, brought up the point that Seguin is too friggin scared to play dirty in the corners. Ryder and Paille can do the dirty work in the corners. I dunno. Paille can kill penalties, too. I'm thinking if the series is tied, 2-2, you won't see Seguin in the lineup. But if we're up 3-0 (ha) or down 0-3, you'll see Seguin in there to fool around.
  • Time to fire Cload. 311'ers were noting over email today that if the B's play the Caps in the 2nd round, it's pretty much Boudreau vs. Cload, since both coaches will be sacked if their respective teams do not advance beyond that round.
  • Wait. Why are you reading this blog? You should be at Days of Y'orr, which has more creative photoshops in 1 post than I could compose in 1 year.
Metaphor for B's collapse. Enjoy.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

B's win, 3-2

See what I did there? I was working some jedi mind-shit when I called out Ryder's shootout skillz the other day. And today he scores the winning goal on a penalty shot.
  • Really, though, not a good game. The return of Wheels (missed the net on a 2-on-1 breakaway) and Stuart did not yield much. Stuey got a bigger ovation than Wheels. Wheels managed to stay onside for his new club.
  • To no one's surprise, Marchand won the 7th player. Was a few years ago when the winner used to be able to give a speech - I remember Raycroft thanking his girlfriend or something and all the chicks in the crowd booed that.
  • Paille, actually showing some finish for once to go with his speed, scoring a nice shorthanded goal after Bogosian coughed it up at the goal line.
  • Hnidy's first game back. Didn't do terrible, I think he had 3 shots in about 14 minutes of play.
  • Rask looked retahded on the Bufflin (too lazy to spell...) goal. Rebound up and over his head, down his back. Derrrrrr.
  • Oh yeah, we clinched the NE Division title.

Friday, April 1, 2011

B's Lose in SO, 4-3

Someone please put Toronto out of their misery, huh? The Bruins could have done some good by pounding this team down, stepping on their neck in order to sweeten that draft pick. But, the B's are laying down now that the 3rd seed is all but wrapped up.
  • HOLY SHIT, if I have to see Cload drop the ball when it comes to shooters in the shoot-out, I'm gonna freak. Ryder is NOT shootout material, not when a hack like me can figure out that, if he even gets it on net at all, he's going low glove. "Hands guys", Cload - send Krejci, Bergeron, and Seguin EVERY TIME. Cload is as soft as puppy shit when it comes to Ryder.
  • Seguin, pushing around Luke Schenn in a scrum. Better pick on someone smaller, kid. Schenn would ruin you. But at least Seguin's pretending to get pissed.
  • Kessel, throwing a punch at Marchand. Oh, that woulda been good. According to the Herald, Marchand did a fake golf swing in front of the TOR bench. I missed it. But that's an awesome move. Kessel got a lot of boos last night, but no "Kessel sucks" chants.
  • No Horton/Phaneuf III tonight. They really hate each other, it's awesome.
  • Yeah, losing to the Rangers 1-0 was lame - I dodged the game to go skiing (Dumont Cup, right, where the announcer makes up the moves the freestylers do on the spot, I swear, right, "oh, he just did a fakie back-side 1260 spongecake with a dab of cool whip". shutthefuckup, asswipe.) Lundqvist OWNS the B's, so I'm not terribly looking forward to that matchup in the playoffs.
  • Holy shit, the organist kicked into "Brass Bonanza" the other night, I almost hurled. It's like a mating call for the male Whaler fan when he seeks the companionship of basement-dwelling, Crisco-eatin' female Whaler fans.
  • The 3-0 win by the B's over the B'hawks had to be possibly the most complete win I've witnessed all season, maybe even better than the pee-pee smackin' the B's gave the Habs a week earlier. I dunno. It was just a damn fine game.
  • Note that Resident NHL Commie Andrew Ference follows Arsenal. As we all know, futbol is for commies. (caveat emptor, LGT American Thinker. Wear a rubba.)
  • Dennis Wideman has a hematoma.
  • Stan Jonathan at the game last night. The original #17 barely got a standing ovation, as the pink hats in the crowd said "who?" in between mugging for the jumbotron and dicking around with their iphones. Pound-for-pound, one of the toughest dudes to play for the B's, I can't embed this video enough onto this blog. Here he is, destroying Pierre Bouchard's face. Poetry.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Ok, wow

Getting stuck at work for a B's/Habs home game is bad enough. Why did I have to miss this one? I was lucky enough to attend the 8-6, 187 PIM, Iron League like battle last month. Last night, through the TV, that building sounded like it was going to fall down. Remember when the NHL series on Sega Genesis used to show you the highest decibel attained for the crowd? I would love to see that statistic or even an average decibel level from last night. It sounded louder than a Slipknot concert. Did it feel great to beat the Habs to a bloody pulp? Wasn't it wonderful to watch the Pea Soup Eaters legs turn to rubber halfway through the third and look like a typical Bruins team as the real B's skated circles around them? Could Jack Edwards ask for a better birthday present? Yes, yes, and no.

BUT.......as I am a typical New England sports fan, here's my real spin on this game. We're in trouble. If the B's/Habs match up does happen in the playoffs, the B's and their fans are screwed again. Those of you in the building last night, I have to think you just watched the Bruins win their Stanley Cup. The mentality of this team (i.e. we made the second round of the playoffs two years in a row!!) is akin to bringing home a C+ to your parents and asking them to hang it on the fridge. They will ride this win for at least two weeks, thinking they have the affection of Boston fans because, hey, we beat Montreal and their stupid 911 abusing fans. Prove me wrong Bruins.

God I hope I'm wrong and this is the spring board they need to get their sh*t together for a playoff run that would cost me a crap ton of money. Here's to hoping that my tax return is spoken for this April/May/June.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

B's win

The B's woke up from their slumber and beat the Devils, 4-1.
  • Goals by Lootch, Recchi (en), Chara, Thornton. Since Chara knocked out Pacioretty, he has been on a bit of a scoring tear. Okay, I just checked. Maybe not. 2-5-7 +4 totals in the last 7 games.
  • Thought we were in for another Devils/B's snoozer, you know, with teams combining for 25 shots the entire game. Not to be had, as the Devils outshot the B's something like 503 to 3 in the 1st period. Most of the Devils shots did not produce rebounds, Thomas just gobbled them up and got faceoffs.
  • BUT we finally scored a PP goal, now we're 2 for our last, what, 4,905. Lootch set up Chara with a nice pass. Bergeron also made a bit of a circus pass to Lootch for Lootch's goal, making the pass against his own momentum.
  • Mahk Recchi, stirring the shitstorm yesterday on Felga & Mazz. (Mazz is not funny, btw. He is the worst of typical nerdboy hangers-on. Never good enough to start for the high school football team (or even make the team), he decided to write about it so he could get in close on the action, get close to the players. sycophant, he is. That's what so weird about sportswriters these days - trying to be as big as the players themselves. It reminds me of Lester Bangs and how he make rock 'n roll journalism better than rock 'n roll itself at times. HE was the rock star, not the clown he was writing about. The difference being that Bangs is good and Mazz, et al. are less than good. Also, ESPN really sucks. Really, who GIVES A SHIT about college ball??? Just that d-bag in your office who still reads Bill Simmons (and not ironically, either) and still talks about his bracket. Look, no one cares about the bracket unless they're in the money and the only reason they're in the money is pure luck. "gee I really thought State University of Basketweaving was gonna beat CU of North Texas". College hoops and College football are hugely retarded. But I did fill out my frozen four bracket with NDAK going all the way.) What was I talking about before going on some convoluted, incomprehensible, baseless rant? oh yeah. Recchin ball alleged that the Habs exaggerated Pacioretty's (sick of typing that name) injury in order to get Chara suspended. Yeah, probably their abilities for diving/embellishment extend right up from the ice to ownership & management.
  • I don't think there will be any funny stuff tonight. Maybe 1 or 2 fights or something, but it'll be closely officiated (first four penalties on the B's, easy) with the B's being shorthanded most of the game.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

B's Lose

The B's are something like 1-100-3 in the past 7 games and it's time to hit the panic button. Remember in 2007, when the Devils sacked Julien with a week left to the regular season, despite a first place standing, because they felt that he didn't have the team ready for the playoffs?
  • Horton & Phaneuf simply hate each other. Horton was ready to kill him in the 3rd period tonight. They fought, Phaneuf hid behind his visor, nothing much came of it.
  • Seguin with 5 shots tonight, robbed twice by Reima. Seguin had a jump in his step tonight but still doesn't play the body or fight hard enough for pucks.
  • Garbage time (19.8 seconds left) goal by Paille (been calling him "Pie-nay" instead of "Pie-yay" at the games since we don't want him out there), time for everyone to pick him up on your fantasy teams.
  • Quaider did a pylon impression on the Schenn goal, but redeemed himself with a hustle goal a few minutes later. Then the game pretty much went awful from there as Reima stopped everything that was shot at him and the Leafs buried every chance that came their way.
Here's McQuaid on the Schenn goal.
  • Tim Thomas is rockin' some serious mustache there.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Marchand Suspended

Brad Marchand got 2 games for hitting R.J. Hamburger to the head. No surprise here - the league's getting goofy about this stuff and here was just wrong place/wrong time for both Marchand/Umbergah. Marchand's 5'-9" in hooker heels and Umberger's 6'-2"...

If you can't get enough of Marchand's hit, here ya go, courtesy of the Youtube Bruins Jesus, Dafoomie.


Wednesday, March 16, 2011

B's win

B's won in a shootout last night, 3-2. Seguin with the OT goal, Rask with some great saves in the 3rd period and during the shootout.
  • As you probably know by now, Habs fans have been protesting outside the Bell Centre. The league has decided not to do much about headshots, etc. really, except keep an eye out for boarding/charging. For those of you who can't get enough, follow Pacioretty's twitter here. He liked the movie "Hall Pass".
  • Long-awaited display of Peverley's skill last night on his sweet shorthanded goal.
  • Ryder finally given a seat. Accountability, etc. seen as the reason, as Ryder has been slacking the past few weeks after heating up for awhile and showing some skillz. Seguin played in his place, didn't do much, but got the game-winner during the shootout. Seguin needs to drink a little of that dunks coffee he pimps during the hi-energy play schtick on NESN.
  • Last night was the franchise's 2800th win.
  • Scottie Updouche continues to kill the B's, scoring a goal last night. Maybe the Habs will figure this out and sign him someday, have him skate on a line with Plekanec.
  • The B's got about 5 seconds? or something of PP time last night, whereas CBJ had, like, hundreds of power plays. Curious to see if this is a trend...Islanders game featured 4 penalties on the Isles and 3 on the B's...11 penalties on the B's and 7 on Buffalo...that's, what, +8 on the Bruins since the Chara hit. Might have to watch this to see if there's a trend...

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Nilan Butt-end



Check about 1:30 of the video.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Bruins losing, 3-2

As this post goes to press (ha), the B's are playing a sloppy game vs. the Isles. Isles are a sad-sack team but they're playing like they got nothing to lose...so why not.

To start, let's witness some of the Canadiens' greatest "hits".

Just think of any Canadien dirtbag of the past 25-30 years and do a youtube search.

Chris Chelios (whose career is a highlight reel of cheap hits) on Brian Propp:



Pacioretty boards Eaton




Lapierre on Nichol




Latendresse on DiMaio



Mon dieu! Hockey is a violent sport - was there an investigation after this? Shit, I think this is only a "part 1" of the Battle of Quebec.



Pat LaFontaine's career ended by concussions. Certainly this high hit by Guy Carbonneau didn't help.



Martinson sucker punches Byers



Who can forget that dickslap Petr Svoboda?



Brian Skrudland lays out Don Sweeney with an elbow/shoulder to the chops.



Patrice Brisebois (breeze-by) hits Darcy Tucker, Tucker's head goes right into the boards. Okay, Tucker probably had it coming...



  • Last night, as the puck went thru Seidenberg's legs at the point on the power play, a 311-er exclaimed, "dammit, Wideman-berg"
  • Bruins released the St. Patrick's Day hats. Drab, olive-green military-style baseball caps with spoked-B in front, TD Bank in bank. I sense a Ference influence here, wanting the B's fans to resemble Fidel Castro.
  • The Matt Bartkowski era needs to end.
  • So the corporations that have so far threatened to pull sponsorship of the NHL, Via Rail & Air Canada, are both based out of Montreal. OUTRAGE! We were wronged!!!
  • Yeah, B's lost to the Islanders. Horrible.
  • Seriously, Montreal is a one-team, one-sport town. Folks who got nothing to do but follow just that team. The Alouettes aren't playing, so all there is to do is to get drunk, eat some Timbits and poutine, and whine about the Canadiens and their perception of the team as hockey royalty.
  • The game on 3/24 at the Garden is gonna be huge. Homeland Security threat level color(s) will go from orange to bleu, blanc et rouge and the pat-downs we got last night before the Sabres game will be nothing in comparison. I'm actually wondering if they'll have Habs/B's legends do some sort of PSA before the game so the Boston fans don't clobber anyone during/after the game. They did a PSA when all that booing the national anthems thing was going on a few years back. The bitch of it is, is that there isn't going to be some sort of Chara vs. the Habs thing, or Chara vs. Gill (wouldn't that be humorous?), but probably someone on the Habs will take a run at a smaller Bruin forward like Krejci, knock him out, then things get really ugly.