Ladies and gentleman – another hockey season is nearly upon us and the first year of Section 311 Fantasy Hockey is just about ready to go. The members of the league are all Bruins season ticket holders and they were before it was cool to be one after the great season last year and the guaranteed Winter Classic tickets this year. The roster of fantasy hockey managerial talent includes all four contributors to this blog, half of Row 11, a little Row 12 thrown in to give the league its odor, and one member of Row 13. I even let a guy in who has his tickets in Section 314, but he was instrumental in shutting down the wave early last season when some delinquents in 312 tried to start one. Note to the fanbase – this is not Fenway Park, hockey fans do not tolerate the wave.
That said, I am the commisioner of this fledgling league and thought I would give a quick fantasy preview for this season:
Dany Heatley – he will now be skating on a line with Joe Thornton (who? Oops, I remember, he’s that guy who disappears every year in April and I forget he exists sometimes). Thornton is a good player when there’s nothing on the line and when you consider he made Jonathan Cheechoo a 50 goal scorer and Glen Murray look like he deserved the contract the B’s gave him coming out of the lockout, I would expect big things out of both of them. Just don’t use either one of them in your playoff pools. I will not be drafting either one because I don’t like them.
Tim Thomas – can he repeat last year’s success? It’s going to be tough to live up to, but i’m sure he’ll go early in the Section 311 draft.
Bob Probert – Yah, I know, he doesn’t play anymore, but he is still playing in the heart and mind of a league member who leads the section in trips to the men’s room. He will be sure to use his first round pick on Probert. The same guy wants me to add fighting majors as a stat. I had to say no since we are already using hits and PIMs as categories. Adding that stat would make the likes of Jody Shelley a sought after player. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I also brought him up just so I could include this link to a video of a heavyweight bout against Tie Domi.
Marco Sturm – I’m a mark for this guy and I will draft him. Stay healthy Sturmy, I want to see 30 of those patented “I shouldn’t have eaten those last ten hot wings last night” goal celebrations.
That's enough, I can’t give away too many of my draft strategies because I want to win this year.
16 days until opening night!