Sunday, June 21, 2009

NHL Awards Review...From Row 12...

Worst Musical Act Award- Chaka Khan (and her Cabana Boy) I understand Bettman's fascination with Denis Leary, he's in love with him, so over it. But I had no idea he was that much of a tool to bring in Chaka Khan. And who opens an awards show with a musical act? Just weird. And if that wasn't bad enough, she comes back what the hell is this League thinking. Cause everybody knows us blood-thirsty hockey fans love us some Chaka.

Most Mediocre time filler- Comedian Gerry Dee. This tool-shed is filmed interviewing past and presents. Stupid, waste of time, or so I thought. Awful comedy is hard to watch anytime, however it becomes mediocre as players give this guy crap right back. Lafontaine makes him look like an idiot and he tries to comically play it off without success. He taunts Stan Mikita about a helmet or something and how he didn't get any dates because he wore the helmet. The (probably Alzheimers ridden) Old Coot comes up with "Have you looked in a mirror?". Comic gold. The only good thing about this guy is he prevented one more Chaka performance.

Worst attempt at a joke to warm up the crowd- Glenn Anderson. This clown is there to present the King Clancy Memorial Trophy which is to be given to the NHLer who "best exemplifies leadership qualities on and off the ice and who has made a significant humanitarian contribution to his community". The moron quips "Ah..We are at the NHL Awards right? For a minute there I thought I was down the block at the Russian awards". Crickets.. crickets.

Worst Winner- Pavel Datsyuk What the did he even say? Even Ovechkin ranks on him and Malkin for their english. Gee fellas maybe it's time for the ol' ESL class down the road. Pretty sure you can afford that, but if not you can move to Massachusetts and I'm sure Deval will find a way to screw me out of my money to get you in a class at Mass Bay or Massasoit

Biggest Suprise Presenter- Anthony Cruz. This guy wins a contest to present an award with Roenick and I'm like "Ok they're starting to reach here 20 minutes into the show". I'm really expecting a beauty to pop out on stage with Roenick. And behold the 6 foot tall, Husky, Asian, Spectacled, Virgin (the last one is just a guess) that walks out. Thought I had seen everything, I was wrong.

Strangest looking Attendee- Pat Burns. Bring back the 'stache! Roll the dice Burnsy, bring it back!

Separated At Birth?- Mark Messier and RoboCop (Peter Weller)

Worst Acceptance Speech- Zdeno Chara. Close call because I couldn't understand a word that came out of Datsyuk's mouth TWICE. However Chara pulls it out because it just wouldn't friggin end. I clocked it a a whopping 3:10. Though I was distracted twice during the speech. 1st Mike Green dressed like a total idiot and cut his hair like he's going on tour with My Chemical Romance or some other crap emo band. 2nd Z's wife is smokin ass hot, and she just dropped a kid. Way to go Z, just shorten the speech up next year.

Awards show MVP- Timmy Thomas. He was brilliant, accepting the award for he and Manny ran a little long and Manny barely got a word in edgewise. Though I thought the almost 3:1 ratio for time pretty much summed up our goaltending "duo". Best line of the night though was when Timmy asked Manny if he should thank his wife too, brilliant. I'm not a mushy guy but I'll admit I got a little froggy when Timmy barely made it through the Vezina speech. Nice to see someone finally get the credit they deserve.

What a piece of crap that whole thing was overall. Can't believe I'll never get that part of my life back. Thanks again Gary Bettman for being a complete and utter tool. Goodnight everyone!

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