Thursday, June 25, 2009

Section 311 Glossary...From "The Hat"

So, another esteemed member of 311, lovingly referred to as "The Hat", has decided to spice things up with a little glossary of all things 311. Enjoy!

Section 311 Glossary

Rickets – 18th century/Third World disease that made a comeback last season in Boston. Symptoms include weak bones, terrible skating. (often coupled with “Confederate flag hockey”)

Grizz, The – Life-giving substance found in the lower lip of most folks in Section 311.

J-Crew Crew – Random business-casual-clad chumps that show up at the game mid-way through the 2nd period who drink Coronas and have no clue about the game.

Whaler Fans – The most pathetic subset of the human species alive today. For those who dare to observe this species in its natural habitat (their mom’s basement), “pathetic” only begins to describe this group of people.

Confederate Flag Hockey – Suckass Hockey Teams south of Washington, D.C.

“…jumping into the loge” – Idle threat usually said by frustrated members of the section. (IE- If we lost to Phoenix I am jumping into the loge. If Hal Gill ever wins a Cup I am jumping into the loge...wait a second...)

Bitz, Byron – Best hockey player alive. Bitz…Orr…both have 1 syllable. You do the math. Most members of 311 can be seen wearing "We Want Bitz" shirts. Also, in the infamous 2 goal Bitz game, Section 311 began the "We Want Bitz" Chant to get him back on the ice for the hat trick. Enough Said.

“Roll tha Dice, SHARELLI” – The Mayor’s request for a trade or two before the deadline. (Mayor was seen screaming at the GM and #8 this request while making the Seth Rogen, "roll the dice" motion)

Dropping mud – Section 311 pastime.

Wh*re – Zack Parise’s mom

Ward, Cam – Overrated-ass goalie who, by just standing there, makes saves and everyone thinks he’s hot sh*t.

Ward, Aaron – Chatty Bruins defenseman who blocks shots, plays through pain, never shuts up.

CPR Dummy – The object of Row 12’s affection. “…what your interests are…who you BEEEE with…what makes you smile….what numbers to dial…”

“Mrs. Savard” – she sits next to us.

Mowers, Mark – Dave Lewis’ favorite player when he was coach; Row 12’s archenemy.

Cload – Current Bruins coach

Montador, Steve – ex?-Bruins defenseman, who, in his short time in Boston, stopped more shots with his face than Allen Pedersen did with his body in his whole career.

Ruh-NAY – The only person on the planet good enough to sing the National Anthem.

“HORRIBLE” – Favorite adjective of the Mayor, usually yelled at jet-takeoff volume. (usually hurled at an on ice official…Hey Ref-That call was HORRIBLE)

Gill, Hal – Suckass, slow-ass, ex-Bruins defenseman. There’s nothing like coming to your hometown and being welcomed by a “Hal Gill Sucks!” chant.

Ice Meat – the Ice Girls

Scally Cap Crew – Section 309, Row 14. They mug for the camera, and occasionally mug those sitting nearby. Fraternal brothers of Section 311.

Kovalev, Alex – Captain of the Diving Team. “ne plongez pas”

Tucking it In – Strong inclination of French-Canadian players to tuck in their jerseys into only one side of their hockey pants

Nacho – Bruins/NESN rinkside reporter

Piss-break – Section 311-er who uses the bathroom a lot during games

Quinzee Steve – There are no words.

Sully’s – where the Mayor, et al. can be found warming up before the games.

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