Section from 311 offers some theories on what's going on.
- P.J. Axelsson was the glue that held this team together. Apparently, Axelsson was a much-loved teammate, a true "locker room guy", according to sources I don't have. Apparently, P.J. along with Aaron Ward and Stephane Yelle, were the pectin that made this team gel so impressively last year.
- Patrice Bergeron is a locker room prima donna. Based on absolutely no sources, perhaps Bergeron's constant injuries and mincing french-ness has destroyed the personality of the team.
- The Curse of Steve Begin. Begin's last 3 teams (Bruins, Stars, Habs), he has absolutely destroyed them somehow.
- HAARP. Long suspected as being a weather/mind control device by conspiracy nuts, maybe they're experimenting on the Bruins via this huge antenna array in Alaska.
- Curse of the Winter Classic. The B's are 2-8-1 since the Winter Classic. I have no additional supporting data.
- Marc Savard is a chatty bitch. Savvy's constant chatter on the rink to his teammates and media-whore existence has gotten under the team's nerves. His sneaky, two-handed slashes to the backs of opponents' knees have alarmed his teammates.
- Team is fat, dumb, and happy after signing large contracts. Savvy, Lootch, Wideman, Thomas, etc. all received nice contracts during/after last year's regular season dominance.
- The Illuminati/Bilderberg Group. Jeremy Jacobs wants your soul/money to fund the machinations of these two entities.
- Brett Favre. The Bruins are just like kids out there, having fun like they're in their backyard, just gunslingin' ...and turning it over, yielding stomach-punch results.
- Caveman Weak. Sign Mark Stuart, and everything will be in it's right place.
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